I've been away for quite some time but used to post here regularly... I was constantly missing my goals and beating myself up. I made some changes and I want to share them here.
When I first joined this forum, I was just under 12 stone. I'm 5 foot exactly so classed obese and feeling desperately unhappy. I wanted to change. I had very little energy for my daughter and my job as a waitress was a constant drain on my resources and endless temptation to snack on the chips in the kitchen.
Looking back, I realise what I was dealing with was self-loathing and no amount of weight loss would change that. So I found it quite literally impossible to stick to my plans. I was hungry every second of the day and I ended up feeling very depressed. The 12 week sheets that I'd printed out were always full of my mistakes, like "a whole bottle of wine" and takeaway after takeaway. For someone who had a daily allowance of 1400 calories I was getting up to 3,500 some days.
I gave up on here because the visual reminders of my failures were making me hate myself more. I was sad every night. But when I fell pregnant again I was delighted; I could grow our family and put my weight loss goals on hold. We found out at our first scan that the baby had no heartbeat, and following my surgery to remove that pregnancy my mood plummeted even further. That's when I asked for counselling.
I not only dealt with my loss, but addressed the demons dragging me down in every area of my life, including my weight. Food was serving as a friend and I didn't love and respect myself enough to make the changes that were needed. Even on this forum I would bargain my way into reasoning that I NEEDED that junk food, or that whole bottle of wine.
I feel like this is so, so very important to share because your mind is the most important tool to improve your body, and mine was suffering. I worked hard in those counselling sessions to explore why I feel the way I do about myself, and then the decision was made.
One day I woke up, and made 4 charts. One with a list of banned foods with huge red Xs next to them (crisps chocolate chips kebabs mcdonalds etc Oh and alcohol). One with my weekly workout routine including rest days. One with my 12 weeks of progress and one with my goals in HUGE letters. They were: In 12 weeks:
Lose a stone
Lose 8 inches off my waist
Drop 2 dress sizes
Have more energy
LOOK FEEL BE BETTER.
With some inheritance money from my grandfather, I invested the majority in my husband's business but then I valued myself enough to pay for a year's gym membership in one go. I fretted about the money but repeatedly said to myself "you DESERVE this".
Well... I'm 6 weeks in. I weigh 10 stone exactly, I've already dropped one dress size and with 5 inches gone from my waist I look like a different woman. I play with my daughter on the floor without getting stiff and achey, I run in the park without sweating and feeling sick. I have more breath in my lungs and I don't crawl into bed at night barely with the strength to turn my light off.
I go to the gym 3 times a week to do my programme: run 1k, row 1k, swim 1k. And on the days I'm at home I do a YouTube work out video for 20 minutes. I eat regularly but I never, ever cheat. I love myself more than that- I deserve this. SO DO YOU. When you don't achieve your goals, you're not a failure. You're just failing to see how AMAZING you are. So much love and support to every one on this journey- it starts with enough love for yourself to make the changes that change your life.
A promise to my future self 
Please Join me for a Monday Weigh-in (27th May 2013).
Bump in the road
Weekend treats :(
Was that REALLY me??
