Over the years I have jumped on and off the healthy living wagon by joining various groups, attending classes and trying new things. I start off so well, throwing myself wholeheartedly into it all then somewhere, somehow it all falls apart.
I've done some soul searching, if you like, in an attempt to learn more about myself and my issues. After all, you can't solve problems or improve your circumstances, if you can't pin point the root or the cause. I've thought back to a particular group in which I often find myself rejoining numerous times, paying the fees, signing up for the new packs of information: yet I never stick to it! (With the exception of one year were I did stick and lost 4 stone but I quit due to that old smoke screen of yeah I've done it now and that's it! Rather than working to maintain!)
Anyway, I've sat and cast my mind back. I've looked with an open mind at the memories I have regarding these attempts to be healthier.
And the one word that jumps out to me is:
COMPARISON
You see, I'd sit in the group, waiting for it start, feeling positive about my achievements that week. But then I would look at Mrs A and feel frustrated that she was losing weight so much faster than I. I would watch and applaud the newest member who was receiving their first 1 stone loss award, when I had only just achieved my half stone award in double the time and the whole time be crying inside. So by the time the group session had come to an end, I'd forgotten all my achievements and replaced them with feelings of frustration, guilt and I would create a stick in my mind to continually beat myself up with. This always left me in one place... the kitchen! Where I would binge and tell myself I was comforting myself by eating as much as possible, as fast as possible. When in truth, all I was doing was self sabotaging my journey. All due to comparison.
My present self, is telling my former self that:
It didn't matter Miss B had had a takeout and still lost 5lbs compared to my loss of 2lbs on a well stuck to plan. It never mattered that Miss C went to the gym every day that week compared to my own three visits and it mattered not one bit that Mrs D religiously went to every class available at the local centre compared to the two classes I did that week.
It never mattered.
What DID matter was that:
I chose to stick to healthy eating that week, and that week I lost weight.
I chose to go to the gym and went back another two times despite feeling so nervous about it.
I chose to try out some classes despite living with anxiety and having such low self esteem.
I now promise my future self I will not compare my achievements to those of others. Instead I will celebrate my own achievements and congratulate myself on every goal I reach.
This is my journey.
We are all on individual journeys seeking to find HEALTHIER, HAPPIER and BETTER versions of ourselves and these journeys we embark upon should be taken in our time, at our own pace and without the pressures of comparison.
We will all shine in our own time xxx
Week 1 of my weight loss
Lacking motivation
Weight loss injections
