I ate 80g of dark chocolate today so really not a very good day. I ate sensible healthy food the rest of the time and at no point did I engage in uncontrolled rapid bingeing that I would typically engage in in these circumstances, though. So it wasn't a disaster by my standards.
When I'm feeling miserable, I seem to be able to be either self-controlled with my work or with food but not both. The only way I could get myself through my work today was to soften up the diet and let myself have chocolate for each pile of marking completed.
I think the key to getting trim is sorting out the rest of my life so that I don't feel so damn miserable the whole time. Easier said than done. The last time I felt content with my life was when I was 14, except for a year in my early thirties. I've been happy but not really content since then.
The only things I can send you is hugs and my hope that you will find contentment as you continue on your journey to the healther and happier person you want to be. Xx
Thank you Ros! I'm sorry about such a gloomy post. It's so great to have nice people on this site to get you back on track. I hope I didn't spread the gloom to you. Hugs xx
Do not beat yourself up over 1 day of dark chocolate. You recognise it was bad for you. You enjoyed it. Now its time to pay the consequences of eatting it. Extra exercise! Treat it as a treat day that you now have to work off. If you see it as bad then you will slide down the route of Ive been bad and I have no will power and Im hopeless, Im going to stop eating healthy. Not the case at all. You did wonderful except for the chocolate. Good luck with the exercise.
Hi Kate. Thank you. Yes I went swimming on your advice and should have time for a run in the sun later today if I do enough work.
I did enjoy it (embarrassed).
I'm sorry that you're feeling so low....
The chocolate yesterday wasn't a huge issue in diet terms but it may perhaps be helpful for you to reflect on your relationship with food....
You say that you ate yesterday because you were marking - as someone who spends a lot of time marking I can identify with this and it is probably due to boredom, the need for a reward for work done and the chance to move about a bit between batches of marking. You may want to try other ways to satisfy these needs; have a cup of tea, phone a friend, go for a walk round the block, have a healthy snack etc.
You do say that you're miserable a lot of the time so it seems that there is a bigger issue. If you currently use, and are in the habit of using, food to try to alleviate this unhappiness then your weight loss plan is unlikely to succeed until you address the underlying issues re your unhappiness. Comfort eating rarely brings comfort and just leaves us feeling worse. Junk food also contributes physiologically to our emotional rollercoaster....
Maybe you could discuss with your doctor the option of talk therapy to get to the bottom of your lack of contentment or you could learn about mindfulness as a way of seeing the good things in your life and getting perspective on the things that make you unhappy. It may also be helpful to reflect on your idea of contentment and happiness; most of us will not recapture the way we felt at 14 as we now have the responsibilities and pressures of adult life and we have been changed by life events - but we also have more wisdom, more skills and a better sense of who we are so there are benefits too. I guess the key is to find contentment in where you are and what you have now
Your healthy eating plan is one very positive change that you are already making and you will feel physically and emotionally better if you stick to it - it will however be more of a struggle if you don't address the underlying issues. Maybe you could make some changes in other aspects of your life to bring you more fulfillment and increase your sense of contentment....?
Wishing you all the best.....
• in reply to
Hi Mags
Thank you for such a thoughtful and detailed message. I hadn't thought about whether it was boredom. That might be right. I was assuming it was distress but it might not be. Thank you - that really changes the type of response I should be implementing.
I'm on anti-depressants. I asked for some talking therapy but my GP wasn't keen. I guess I'm a bit of an expensive patient for my age and mental health services are already overstretched. I'm not too bad at the moment really. I am able to work more or less full-time and I have a lovely partner who puts up with my periodic gloomy periods. I should do my mindfulness stuff more often. Thank you for reminding me of that.
Thanks again and good luck to you in your goals
Gail
You're very welcome Gail - glad that I could help
If you want the talking therapy I would push for it regardless of your GP being reluctant. The NHS Choices website says that you can ask for GP referral or that some areas permit self-referral; it may be worth checking whether this is possible where you live.
Pile of marking? You sound like a teacher. Now that would make anyone miserable these days.
You sound like a fun person , cheer up. At least here you may find some kindred spirits . We are in it together so to speak. I am hoping I am in it for life.
Just need to make those changes and stick with it.
Thanks popgoes. I was having a pretty bad day when I posted that. I have cheered up a lot since I've used this site and started exercising again. It's great to have lovely people like you around.
I am a university teacher. I think that's less stressful than teaching the wild sub-18 year olds. I admire people who do the 12-16 age! I don't know how they do it.
I agree about being in it for life. I really hope to stick with it this time. I have a tendency to get fit and healthy and then get focussed on work, forget about the healthy stuff and get overweight again. My weight moves across a 2 stone range in cycles of 2-3 years, with the top and bottom of the range creeping up a bit higher each time.
I am retired now but I taught the little ones, I loved it until ofsted came along!
Like you I have had periods in my life when I either just couldn't cope with the healthy stuff, probably because I saw it as being on a diet. I was bound to fail either because I didn't reach my target or I went off on a binge and couldn't restart.
The way I see it now as there is no beginning and no end , it's a purely personal thing about making the changes for life which suit you, and that you find easiest to stick to.
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Hugs xx
Oh dear - not a good day
Hi All day 2
First day 
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