Urgent advice please - my 37 yr old son

[marigold22]

Some of you will know my traumatic story of 36 years of 'misdiagnosis' of being told I have simple hypothyroidism. In Jan. 2017 I paid for private blood test and proved I've got Hashimotos. Since then I have discovered how to recover & am now in the best health I have been in since 1981 (or even before that).

In 1981 I gave birth to my only living child. Before his birth I had had 3 miscarriages & one prem baby who died. So my only child now aged 37 is very precious to me. Not that all babies aren't precious. At around toddler age, despite me being depressed, anxious, big brain fog etc. (I was on T4 only which I discovered in 2017 can't convert due to dodgy DIO2 gene), I realised he was hyperactive. Took him to a private doctor aged around 13 & he prescribed Ritalin. My son refused point blank to take it; I really felt there was nothing more I could do; just hope & pray he would 'outgrow' it. He hasn't. Since late teens he has been in so many serious scrapes. How he hasn't ended up in prison or dead is a miracle. His father & I (although divorced) always extricated him; mainly financially.

Now, today, the situation has got to utter break point. My son has a beautiful clever girlfriend, a beautiful son aged 8; he has a trade - electrician. He has just left my house after telling me his whole life is about to go down like a pack of cards. He is in dire debt, his girlfriend will no doubt kick him out. I have told him he cannot come to stay with me - he drives me insane & can't afford to feed him & give him pocket money.

I have continually advised him about our family genetics - low thyroid, depression, mental health illnesses. He refuses to listen & throws it back in my face. Iam convinced he has a low thyroid --- I had low thyroid / adrenal levels whilst pregnant with him, unknown to me. He is also no doubt very low in B vitamins, Vit D, etc etc. from the continual stress he has gone through for many years.. which is the fallout of his classic ADHD symptoms.

It has crossed my mind today for the first time, to actually get him sectioned.

Unless I walk away for good, I still have a hope in my heart to get help for him. But he absolutely refuses to even come with me to get a full blood panel done. He is spiralling right down & will end up in the gutter.

[shaws]

marigold22, I am extremely sorry for your predicament and you have the world upon your shoulders at present.

Maybe persuade son to get a private blood test and make sure he is well-hydrated a couple of days before. These are pin-prick tests but he may need doctor or surgery to draw blood for him.

This might be a good idea and you can tell him that if he is hypo it could be the cause of the turmoil in his private life and it will be best for his son as his son may develop a family condition himself (I hope not) but it may persuade him to get a Full Thyroid Function test for his son's sake. The earliest possible, fasting (he can drink water) and as he isn't take hormones he can get a test without bother about missing dose etc.

I hope your son will be amicable but if our brain doesnt work quite well due to low thyroid it might be difficult but he might be willing if he can put his family back together again. Tell him he has to consider his son first and foremost and not let son be affected by discourse within the home, which is bad enough for children to listen to when they love both parents and are scared too.

Just tell him he has everything to lose and nothing to gain unless he gets a private blood test. Tell him also that many hypo people have irrational thoughts - you don't need to explain T3 etc

thyroiduk.org.uk/tuk/about_...

he needs TSH, T4, T3, Free T4, Free T3 and antibodies.

thyroiduk.org.uk/tuk/testin...

Medichecks do a discount every Thursday of some Sort but Blue Horizon are good too.

thyroiduk.org.uk/tuk/testin...

[marigold22 in reply to shaws]

Thank you shaws . I've just got home after going to see my son's best friend & explaining that I want him to have a blood test and the reasons why. He is going to try to persuade him. This is the reason I'm tearing my hair out with him - he blames his financial pressures, problems with work, etc etc, everything except low thyroid causing mental illness. Therefore he argues vehemently with me that he does not need testing.

[marigold22]

My situation here is that - if I leave my son to his own devices he won't get any blood tests. Then he will spiral right down, be homeless, go back on alcohol every day, lose contact with his son, etc. There is no way he can live with me. Or I can force him to get thyroid tests. But he's an adult and I can't force him. So that is the reason having him sectioned has crossed my mind. For his own good in the end.

[Marz in reply to marigold22]

Really feel for you as I am sure many do. Your intuition is no doubt correct - his thyroid and nutrient deficiencies could well be causing all these problems. How is his girlfriend reacting - do you have an ally in her ? Hope things settle down.

Is it possible you could say the tests are only done to eliminate conditions - rather than confirm he has a problem - sounds odd I know - just another way of saying it

[HLAB35]

I lost the best part of a good relationship with my mother-in-law to very low thyroid - conversations become staid and uncomfortable as she was suffering from fatigue and constant discomfort leading to apathy and confusion. (My thyroid was bad, but hers was appalling.) Since she started getting T4 treatment I was often in touch, but, by then, she'd just lost interest in many aspects of life - partly due to the other issues - osteoarthritis (vit d deficiency probably), heart failure and deafness - all down to thyroid not getting treatment until TSH was about 18. But, despite this, my advice to get b12 checked etc. was not met with anything other than a polite refusal for any 'meddling'. Why she trusted the idiot doctor that took 20 years to diagnose her over someone who gave a damn is still heartbreaking for me and my husband.

Your son is not old and it would be foolhardy for him to end up completely depending on other (aging) people to prop him up and not to at least try to find answers for himself. I agree wholeheartedly with your thoughts. I know that you're not alone though, as many people have issues with sons refusing help. A friend whose family is peppered with thyroid illness has a brother who sounds very similar to your son. Her very aging parents have had an absolute nightmare with him. I would definitely seek advice from a professional body before he makes you very ill.

[marigold22]

Thank you all for your support. My son has been round to mine again this morning, I showed him how desperate I was by showing him my Post of last evening. He read it along with your Replies. He has now agreed to have a private blood test done.

I even got him to sign a Statement I wrote out saying he promised to do it. Results - after many many years of incredible worry and stress.

He even said he's a 'little bit intrigued' to see if his thyroid is low & if he took thyroid hormone his brain might work better .... therefore he could earn a decent income.

Thank you, thank you. x x

[lc1973 in reply to marigold22]

Wow. A great result. Very stressful for you though.

[marigold22 in reply to lc1973]

To be honest, it's been 37 years of high stress. I'm a little bit relieved now, we just might get some answers. x

[StillEverHopeful in reply to marigold22]

That’s wonderful news!

The folk hear are so helpful. Do post the results here too as they can tell you far more than doctors who just look at if range or not. (I’m in “range”) according to doctors but the folk say I’m under medicated, which fits with how I feel.

[silverfox7]

Wonderful news. He may have been thinking that mum may know best but loathe to admit that, it is very brace of him to now take this step and I hope things are more favourable in the future. I once gave a talk to my sons when drugs started being more widespread. As well as pointing out the dangers I said if they went down that avenue I would report them to the police and it wasn't because I didn't love them but because I loved them so much but had no idea of what to do so my reasoning was I needed help to help them. Thankfully they are lovely boys/men but pressures put on many today is worrying.

[marigold22 in reply to silverfox7]

One of the problems is that he has grown up with me being very ill & he's cynical about 'illness', particularly my illness. He's sick to death of hearing me moaning about my symptoms, having to continually go to doctors etc, although I've kept as much as possible away from him. Unfortunately he's seen & heard enough to make him almost not believe me about 'my chronic illness', hasn't understood anything about it, just that he knew it made me appear like a Krazy Woman. Very very sad. He's still onboard I'm happy to say & he's even said he can do a finger prick & we won't have to find a nurse. Will post his blood results, although got to now find the £75 odd for the private test.

[silverfox7 in reply to marigold22]

May be he's had a light bulb moment and is realising how life has been for you. I'm glad you are both now talking in a positive way and can work through this together.

[sweetsusie]

There's a new genetic test that can target which drugs work best for each patient. Just reading about it due to a friend's dilemna. Here's the link:

genesight.com/endtrialander...

[marigold22 in reply to sweetsusie]

Thanks for that link sweetsusie . I have saved it. I will pay for the Medichecks full thyroid panel first and go from there.

[sweetsusie]

I have a mentally disabled Son who won't take medication for his bipolar, etc. He says they make him feel awful. I'm going to show him this link and see if I can talk him into having the cheek swab done..but I kind of doubt he will do it. He lives in my basement apartment, and most of the time he is civil. Lately, though, he's been treating me like a chewed up shoe and it's pissing me off...trying to be patient...

[marigold22 in reply to sweetsusie]

It's so draining, I get vitriol, hostility, degradation from my son; then he asks me for a 'loan' of hundreds of pounds. Loan = gift. Because I'm feeling so much better in myself and have managed to regain some confidence & self esteem, I know it has to stop. I have been saying over & over - to myself and to my best friend, either my son has an 'illness' or I gave birth to a vile person.

If your son says bi-polar medication makes him feel awful I guess you have to respect that. Tests are all we can do to help them really - initially anyway. But sweetsusie , what is bi-polar? I truly believe any mental illness is something out of kilter in the body/brain. I've read that scientists/Functional medicine doctors are saying schizophrenia is an auto immune disease, and can be cured with high dose supplements & changed diet. So, even schizophrenia is to do with the gut biome passing across the body/brain barrier. (I'm a bit vague, unable to recall exactly, but along those lines).

Part of my own longterm thyroid disorder encompassed horrific mental health symptoms. Only about 18 months ago I told my GP I was suffering from PTSD. I have now rid myself of all my mental health symptoms, by taking high dose supplements. Is your son taking anything natural? eg all the B vitamins, Omega 3/fish oils, vitamin D, zinc, selenium etc?

[sweetsusie in reply to marigold22]

I don't think he takes anything like that, marigold22, but then he's so secretive (which, of course, makes him more powerful). I hope your Son improves one he has testing done.

[HLAB35 in reply to marigold22]

Really pleased that you've both made some progress. Very encouraging.

If you have the time (hopefully it's still on IPlayer) Professor Edward Bullmore was talking about 'The Inflamed Mind' (book is also available) which goes into his research that proves mental heath is so often treated in isolation when it's actually the result of inflammatory disorders.

[marigold22 in reply to HLAB35]

Thank you HLAB35 . I will certainly find it - it sounds very interesting. I've actually got to the point that I'm praying my son has low thyroid levels & low nutrient levels, as opposed to ADHD which is on the autistic spectrum. Though I guess anything relating to mental health is indeed inflammation that has moved to the brain.

[marigold22 in reply to sweetsusie]

By the way, I've just remembered, sweetsusie , along the way during my battle of 36 years to get well (I eventually discovered via private blood tests it's Hashimoto's) I went to a private Prof Endo. He diagnosed me as 'slightly bi-polar' and wanted me to take lithium. Have you had your son tested for low thyroid/Hashimotos? Doctors love to hang any label on mental illness.

[sweetsusie in reply to marigold22]

No..he has not been tested, and there's no way I could convince him to do so. He's very closed-minded towards me. He thinks that I never know what I'm talking about...

[ThyroidThora]

Oh dear Marigold22,

Margo on this forum gave me your details months and months ago to talk about thyroid problems and I've never got round to contacting due to illness and my own problems.

I'm really sorry to hear about your son. Have you had him clinically diagnosed with Autism? ADHD comes under the Autism umbrella term but it seems to me that he is quite probably a higher functioning Autistic person or perhaps have Asperger's. They can have very addictive personalities and become addicted to all sorts such as, drugs, cigarettes, alcohol or gambling to cope with their day to day lives. Some do suffer from mental health problems because they find day to day life hard to cope with due to problems with communication skills. Perhaps checking this out will give you an answer and then he can get support if he gets a diagnosis of Autism or Asperger's.

I hope this message helps.

TT

[marigold22 in reply to ThyroidThora]

Thank you ThyroidThora . To be honest, through the years I've tried to analyse him myself as he always refused to go to any type of doctor. I did manage to get him to one private doctor when he was 13 but my son refused to take the prescribed Ritalin as that doctor agreed with me that it was ADHD. First of all I had thought he had ADHD, then Aspergers, now realise the most logical would be low thyroid as I was very hypo whilst pregnant with him unknown to me. You said : very addictive personalities and become addicted to all sorts such as, drugs, cigarettes, alcohol or gambling to cope with their day to day lives. Yes, yes & yes - all of it. Plus poor communication skills. I will get the private thyroid blood test done, and if it isn't his thyroid then the next step should be getting him clinically diagnosed. But he's now 37 years old, I doubt the NHS could be bothered. I don't think there's anything the NHS can do for Aspergers or any type of Autism? I would try to get him to take high dose supplements, as I do. But tonight I'm feeling that I've achieved a lot. But I'm still feeling fragile. I feel like going to live in a yurt on a hippie commune in mid Wales

[ThyroidThora in reply to marigold22]

Hi Marigold,

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time but I'm thinking from your reply that he is definitely on the Autism spectrum. ADHA is on the Autism spectrum and it tends to get worse during puberty but then settles down in adulthood. Because your son is showing all the signs of Autism he needs to go to his GP and ask for a clinical diagnosis from a specialist, normally a psychiatrist qualified with diagnosing Autism spectrum conditions. Once, this happens he might be able to access adult social support services depending on what is available in the area where he lives. Sometimes joining support groups can help because he will be able to communicate with like minded people with the same condition. I am a qualified primary school teacher with a Masters qualification in Autism. I did further study so that I could support my pupils in class and it really helps to know about the condition and gain the skills to support them in their learning. I am not a clinician and so cannot diagnose but I have been involved in profiling pupils' behaviours and assessing them to get statements of educational need. Which, then means that extra funding support for specialist resources or 1-to-1 support with a teaching assistant becomes available.

I hope this helps and good luck.

TT x

[marigold22 in reply to ThyroidThora]

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. You say : "Once, this happens he might be able to access adult social support services." I'm laughing unfortunately as he will refuse point blank to see a psychiatrist, will argue that he's 'managed to stay alive' thus far, and will not want others to know he is Autistic.

I didn't know that ADHD is on the autistic spectrum. His father always writes in upper case, we're divorced, and he turned out to be a very peculiar chap! So my poor son has definitely got autism on his father's side and probably thyroid problems on my side.

Today I ordered a full thyroid blood test kit from Medichecks, and personally I can't wait to see the results.

[ThyroidThora in reply to marigold22]

Hiya,

Autism spectrum conditions affect more boys than girls. There are normally 3 boys to every 1 girl with Autism and it is inherited thus, your son has probably inherited it from his dad. I have three un-diagnosed members of my family with it, my husband, my daughter and my grandson and it is hell sometimes. Your son would benefit from help because it can cause mental health problems and anxiety due to the feeling of being different to others and finding it hard to communicate too. Your son seems intelligent to me and has coped but it can be later in life when things get hard. My friend has un-diagnosed Aperger's and she is very clever but suffers from a bit of paranoia and her anxiety levels went through the roof 4 years and she packed in her job, locked herself in her flat and has refused to come out. I used to visit her every week but she stopped this contact and refused to let me in her flat. She doesn't reply to emails or text messages and there's nothing I can do. She lives with her boyfriend and I think he must be ok with this even though it's not good for her. I try to keep in touch but she ignores me so there's nothing I can do to help. Don't let your son get like this and keep trying your best. You are a good and loving Mum and I'm confident you will get there.

I'm signing off now because I'm struggling to type. I had an operation on my wrst 2 weeks ago and it's painful to use it.

Bye for now and enjoy the weekend.

TT x

[marigold22]

Update on this very emotional subject. I ordered a full test from Medichecks - including antibodies, cost me £79. It's been sitting in a drawer, my son having signed a statement saying he undertook to take this thyroid blood test. He's still running around like a headless chicken, changing his story, changing his mind, saying he's too busy for anything except work and his son. Yesterday he swooped into my home to collect his son / my grandson, kicked off in front of his 8 year old son who instantly went into the garden. My son had promised for around 10 days to take half an hour to do this blood test. He had then said he would do it Wednesday morning (today). Yesterday he yelled that his plans had changed- he couldn't do it. During the 5 hours I had with my grandson alone with him, he told me that his dad drove very very fast, drove whilst talking on his phone, drove whilst drinking a cup of coffee,I happen to know that my son is not insured to drive any vehicle. Hence I am extremely concerned about my grandson. After my son's verbal aggressive outburst in my home yesterday, I texted him after he had left with his son. I told him he could not swoop into my home & shout at me, particularly as he was teaching his own son to disrespect women. To cut a long story short, my son has now told me (once again) that he will never see me again & I am not to contact him. So - he will not be doing the thyroid blood test, I don't know if I will ever get back the £1,000 I have "lent" him due to his emotional blackmail, I don't know if I will see my 8 year old grandson again.

That, I doubt, is the behaviour of a Hypo or Hashi sufferer; or ADHD, - more like a psychotic or maniac.