I’m sorry to rant but I don’t know who else will understand how I feel. I have stage 4 endometriosis and after 5 surgeries including a bowel resection and an ileostomy which was later reversed, life is getting more and more difficult. I'm currently divorced and living alone, working full time in a very difficult organisation. We're going through a restructure and I’m facing possible redundancy. Lately my body refuses to cooperate with me. I go to bed tired and wake up more exhausted. I’m taking Yasmin to keep my period at bay to control the endo. I take gabapentin for nerve pain and oramorph for the rest of the pain. I’m also on antidepressants. I have a good GP and gynae who look after me but it seems they’ve come to the end of their rope as well. I constantly struggle to do the most basic things. I’ve come from being a happy energetic size 8 to a constantly exhausted and emotional size 14 going on 16. I feel like my friends and family don’t understand what I have to go through on a daily basis. They look at me and see a healthy looking person and some people assume I’m simply being lazy, a hypochondriac an attention seeker or all three. I keep trying to explain to people but they simply don’t understand. Yes I would like to get up and move around, I would like to go to the gym and lose weight, I would like to have more energy and get out of the house, but I simply don’t seem to be able to do it. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve taken so much time off work for sickness reasons that I don’t blame my employers if they’re tired of me. If I had a partner to support me, I would work part time but I don’t and I have bills to pay so I have to struggle in to work. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to manage everything alone. This morning I sat in the train on my way to work and cried and cried, I didn’t even care that people were looking at me. I cried all the way to work. I don’t know what to do….. I’m so sorry for the long rant…
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