Emotions (Is this normal?)

[janeths466]

Hi everyone! I read so many amazing responses to my previous post about me being scared, and honestly I am so grateful my heart was filled with warmth. Thank you all! I think I was panicking and overthinking which is expected. I will get back to everyone for their kind words and stories. May God bless you all, and sending you all hugs❤️

So it has been a week since my moms breast cancer diagnosis , and we have my moms oncologist appointment on wednesday finally. This week felt normal to me for some reason? And I feel kind of guilty for it. I went back to university, and I felt okay. I have not felt the urge to cry, neither has my mom. I think I accepted this, and accepted anything coming our way. I do get ocassionally sad, but not like the first days. The first days were pure darkness and sobbing. I feel like I can function now. I just don't feel that scared anymore and I am looking for the feeling again and it is gone at the moment. I feel guilty for having enjoyed this week a bit . I went out for a little had a few laughs, and just felt fine. I felt a bit of strength, and just told my mom I will be there for her.

I don't know what happened, but I just felt a leap of faith. It is so weird because I cried myself to sleep for days and now I am just okay.I accept it. I know there may be hard days coming, but right now even my mom tells me we have gone through so much, we can do this together. I almost lost her last year, so I realized we need to be strong together for anything coming.I just feel so different, I am confused. I prayed to God to give us some strength and peace of mind, and that is what I am feeling until we get further information.

All the love 💕☺️

[Hidden]

Hi Jane,

One thing I have learned about cancer is that we can never know how we will feel when we are diagnosed or are the child of a cancer patient (I have been the child of a cancer patient and I am now a patient myself). Our feelings and emotions can change from day to day and even hour by hour. So there is no real "normal" way that you should be feeling. Of course, you will be feeling upset, shocked, angry and a host of other emotions. But you will also have periods of normality in your life, as you described with going back to university and even enjoying yourself this week. There is no need to feel guilty about that.

When my mum was having treatment for Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma I was working full-time, taking some IT courses, looking after my stepson on my own while my husband was deployed to the Middle East, and still trying to be there for my mum when she needed me. It wasn't easy to fit it all in. Looking back on all that, I wonder how I managed as well as I did for so long.

You may well find that your emotions change again when you meet your mum's oncologist. Hopefully you will learn that her condition is early stage, and that it can be treated successfully. But if not, there is still a lot to be hopeful about. As you know, this site is designed for metastatic breast cancer patients. We are not dying from cancer, but learning to live with it. So if you do discover that her disease is metastatic, please do not despair. Come back to this site, share your experiences and ask for support. You will receive it.

Take care,

Sophie

[Hidden]

Janeths466,

I'm so truly glad that you are able to enjoy things, and I'm sure your Mom is, too. It sounds like you are living in the moment, which is great, and have also gained perspective that the diagnosis is not an imminent death sentence.

Truly what's most important is to be happy. You or your Mom can be sick...take that as a given...then the question is, will your days be happy or unhappy? I was going to write that being happy / unhappy doesn't change the course of events so you might as well be happy (I know I am...), but then I realized that there is a school of thought the being happy can actually positively change the course of events! All the more reason to enjoy life's pleasures/joys!

p.s. I'm glad you're back at university...as are both of my children... and feeling normal. You should feel zero guilt.

Please take care of yourself,

Lynn

[hdhonda]

Your prayers were answered and so were mine. I prayed for Him to give you and your Mom comfort and peace. Going out with friends for laughs and good times is healthy. Blessings, Hannah

[Rhwright12]

Sending love and prayers for this new leg of your journey...🙏🏻💕

[mariootsi]

So relieved you are feeling better. Sometimes I think it's harder for those close to us.

Glad you found this site. Keep posting.

Love,

Marianne

[RLN-overcomer]

You, me, and a lot of sisters on this site prayed. God answered the prayers of his children. I am so happy you are experiencing some joy, and I know your mom wants the same for you. Keep the faith Dr. God is in charge. XoXoXoX

[PJBinMI]

As a long termer and the mother of 3 daughters (actually step mom to two of them) I can tell you from experience that one of the worst parts of having this cancer is seeing the worry on our daughters' faces! Good moms do not want their kids to banish fun from their lives! My daughter is a middle school teacher and sometimes she phones me just to share something that has happened in one of her classes during the day. And both of us are able to find things to laugh about regarding "terminal cancer." My memory is so lousy that I can't think of an example to share, but for me, and my family, finding humor in all this is helpful for getting and keeping perspective. My own mother died of lung cancer in 1985, when she was 69 and I was 39. The next year, my dad had a major stroke, that left him paralyzed on the right side and with very limited speech, though he did say "yes" and "no" reliably for the first several years. That really put cancer in perspective for me! No doubt my mother got the better end! She and my brother and I were able to find some humor in the cancer then, too. One thing I did learn from that is that end of life from cancer is generally peaceful. Great pain control and not alot to fear. Back to enjoying life--your mother surely wants you to, and probably wants to have as much good time with you as she can get! She'll find pleasure in life more and more as she gets used to having this cancer. It really does get better for most of us!