ATTENTION PLEASE - HEALTH WARNING - PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH BEFORE CONTINUING
For those of you who have read my previous blogs you know I don’t do short ones (this one’s longish – I can do longer if you want me to!) but if you decide to carry on reading then I thank you.
SOMETIMES IT’S VERY HARD …to live with a decision we have made. I think we all at some time in our lives have made what we think is the right choice only to learn that it is extremely difficult and/or hard and/or impossible. We can all be wise after the event after all hindsight is a wonderful thing.
Being a smoker for well over 40 years and one who has never smoked less than 40 a day, I know as do other smokers, that for us there are just two choices – we either smoke or we don’t! As the meerkats would say, simple! I am a smoker or I am not a smoker - there is definitely, positively no in-between - you are either one or the other.
Now as a smoker who has given up I can say that my promise to myself was easily made but the actually doing of it was quite a different matter. I have had at least 4 quit dates in the last 8 weeks but can now say that I smoked my last ciggie at 8.50 pm on Sunday, 9th March, 2013. You see unlike for example people who decide to diet, we give up cigarettes completely whereas dieters do not stop eating food! Our quit is total – no half measures as we can’t afford them as one ciggie will lead to another, then another and so on and so forth. So our commitment to quit has to be total and unequivocal and whereas we do not say those dieters (or anyone quitting something) does not have the same commitment they at least can partake in food still!
If you go back to when we were younger, life then was oh so simple. You got up, you played and went to school (unless of course it was the holidays in which case you just played all day), you came home and you played some more and then you went to bed and it all started again the next morning.
Nowadays, because we are more mature (that means older but sounds better) we realise that nothing, especially life itself as we live/know it, is ever that simple or straightforward, or is it?
You can make your life as difficult or as easy as you please – after all you’re in control of your own destiny, aren’t you? Want to do something? Then do it! Want to go somewhere? Then just go! Want to eat something? Then eat it! Want to have a cigarette? Not on your Nellie! Why the devil not you say? Because you’ve given up is your answer – you gave up days no ages ago! These question and answer sessions between your good and bad angel are very tiresome as they each make a very good point and argue there corner exceptionally well, don’t they?
In a nutshell, like the title says, we’re crazy if we smoke and definitely crazier still if we give up!
In a perfect world everything would be, well, perfect, wouldn’t it? If everything is perfect, is that then perfection? Each of us has our own definition of what is and isn’t perfect but it doesn’t necessarily follow that we can define perfection.
If you look up the two words in a dictionary, then the chances are that you may not agree with what it says and depending what dictionary you use can make a difference in the answer (believe me, I know as I’ve looked them up!). For instance, perfect = being without fault, defect or blemish. Now come on folks, be completely and utterly honest, just how many of us are that? Not many, if any at all. Perfection = the state or quality of being or becoming perfect. Don’t think I can be the only one saying ‘what the hell does that mean?’ If you notice though it refers us back to perfect and each of us has their own view and/or idea and/or interpretation of just what perfect means to us – us as in me or you! Let’s face it, ask any two people what these or any word means, and I would think that you are 99.9% certain to get two totally different answers.
Now you’re probably all thinking “what is this silly (old) woman on about?” and quite rightly too. If we lived in a perfect world then none of us would smoke because they would not be for sale either legally over the counter or on the black market as they just wouldn’t be made. In our not so perfect world we are constantly being told that they are bad for us (along with a whole host of other stuff). Choosing as we do sometimes to ignore what we are told even though it may be correct, we carry on smoking and basically ‘cock a snoop’ at the “do-gooders” who seem to delight in telling us that “you shouldn’t do that, it’s bad for you”. Has anyone else noticed though, that all governments, of whatever political party, never BAN the making of cigarettes, never BAN the selling of cigarettes but take great delight in putting the cost up as often as they can knowing full well that those of us addicted to them will pay, no matter what the increase. We are addicts make no bones about it, the only difference between us cigarette smoking addicts and other drug addicts is that the government has made our drug legal and takes god only knows how much of the cost of each packet in duty and/or tax.
Now before I go any further, I must stress that apart from what I state in the next paragraph I do not have any personal experience of being told I have a life threatening illness. Yes, I do have Menieres Disease but as far as I am aware, this is not life threatening it just, at times, disrupts my life (alright then honest answer – it totally and utterly c***ks up my life).
Approximately 10 years ago, my other half was diagnosed diabetic which was not only a big, big shock but meant a complete change of lifestyle for us both. In a sense, this diagnosis was the ultimate blow – it could, if not managed properly, result in him losing a leg, having kidney problems and even be life threatening. Now don’t get me wrong, I know there is far, far worse but whatever the illness, I think for most people, just like my other half, and myself come to that, the first reaction is “Why me? What have I done to warrant this being inflicted on me?” Once the initial shock has worn off, we pull ourselves up by the boot straps and face whatever is thrown at us with all the power that we can muster. For my other half, it meant a complete change of lifestyle, no more ‘I’ll eat when I’m hungry’ and/or ‘I’ll eat what I like’. A totally different diet with meals at/or around specific times which had and still is adhered to plus daily medication.
In a nutshell, what I’m saying is we are all individuals with faults be they large or small, known or unknown. We are not perfect and I doubt that any of us will ever be as we are human with all the faults and frailties that that includes/incurs.
So, as we are all individuals, we each fight our common enemy differently but our goal is the same – to be smoke free - to beat nic once and for all and get rid of him out of our lives for ever and ever, for good, permanently, end the power that he seems to have over us. We share our highs and lows with each other in the hope that not only do they help the fight but that we can say yes that happened to me and I did this which didn’t work but that worked for me so give it a try and see! There are times when what we relate/talk about means that we can also share and laugh together which is always a great tonic/boost. There are sad times too when we have a slight tumble or perhaps a short fall but not that far (it's never too far) that we can’t be saved and we help pick each other up, dust ourselves down and face our small slip-up. We are encouraged to start again – we’ve done it once so we can definitely do it again – knowing full well that we (and hopefully others) have learnt from the experience and are more prepared so that if there is a next time there will be no slip-up, we will take/jump the hurdle without breaking stride. When this happens, we share our joy with everyone after all that is what this site is about – sharing the good times as well as the bad - helping each other celebrate or commiserate but no matter what occurs, we are there for each other to encourage and support one another to help lift each other’s spirits and give each other the strength to face another day. We never, ever judge as we ourselves would not want to be judged.
I am extremely fortunate in that so far, some 20 days after having my last cigarette I have not fallen, have teetered on the edge and perhaps slipped a step or two down the slope but, so far, that is the worst that has happened. Yesterday was a horribly bad day for me, I really, really wanted a cigarette and the more I tried to tell myself I didn’t, the more I wanted one! These things happen and yes, I am well aware that there is an awful long way to go still but with all of you on my side, I know that I can do this. Without you lot, I would have fallen and not got back up again more than likely on day 2, possibly, actually probably, on day 1, and would now be back where I started and be smoking like a chimney!
We are all bound to have slip-ups, falls, teeters, near misses, whatever you prefer to call them because we are all human beings. Just because we falter does not mean that we are bad people nor does it mean that we should put our tail between our legs so to speak and say ‘I can’t do this’ and go back to how we were – smoking and bemoaning our lot in life – as if we give up trying to give up then nic’s won and I don’t know about anyone else but I don’t want him to win in any way, shape or form.
Life has never been easy but there are some who say that life is easier now than it was 50 years ago and I defy anyone of or over a certain age, to say that they have never thought or said “kids today don’t know they are born”. Life is what you make it that is the adage I was brought up with. According to my parents, you make your own luck in life whether it be good or bad so if your life ‘sucks’ then it’s possibly/probably your own fault. Now I know that not everyone will agree with that and to a certain extent whilst I do, I also don’t, hopefully you will get where I’m I’m coming from (and no it’s not another planet that I’m on, well I don’t think I am anyway!).
Life is full of choices – we can choose not to smoke or choose to smoke – we are our own self and what decisions we make we live with. I chose to stop smoking, me and me alone, no one told me I had to, no one twisted my arm up my back and said you must stop, I and I alone made the decision. By making this choice, I have met some absolutely superb people and whether I succeed or not in my quest to stop, with the best will in the world, these people cannot stop for me, it is actually down to me, just little old me! I hasten to add though that the understanding, help, back up, fun and laughter provided by these wonderful folk is not only an incredible incentive, it is a positive help and certainly boosts my confidence and moral and yes, I know (positive thinking and/or vibes) that this time I will be the victor!
In my own personal opinion, I do also think that it is partly a mind thing which is why I tend to say I am stopping smoking and not say I am attempting to stop as I do think that statement is a tad self-defeating – like the battle is already lost before it’s started. Now I know that whilst some may agree there are those that will disagree vehemently with what I have just said but whether you agree or disagree we are all agreed that we want to stop aren’t we? So whether I am right or you are right doesn’t really matter, what matters is that together we are so much stronger and that gives us a helluva lot better chance of winning the battle!
Onwards and upwards people – let nic throw his best (or should that be worst?) at us – don’t know which phrase is right but it doesn’t really matter as what is important is that together we are strong so together we can and will win!!
Thanks for your time all!
Take care,
Buttons52.
Going crazy!
Evening chat Wednesday 16th July 2014
