And so far, thanks to all of you, I’ve had 15 and each and every one has been so special – just like you all are. Today, I am 85 - erh can’t be I know I feel that age some days but think I had better look again - ahh that explains it – sorry folks, looking in the mirror so it’s the wrong way round (honest injun!). I’ll start that sentence again, today I am 58 years young and thanks to you, my day got off to a brilliant start which actually started last night. What with penguins singing happy birthday (two lots so therefore two variations), people taking the time and trouble to send birthday wishes to me (yep! Super duper – feel like royalty!) and then to top it all, the icing on the cake, the ultimate, most wonderful, magnificent present being sent specially for me (and if its let me I have attached a pic of the pressy!) – this birthday will take some beating but the memories of this one will be with me forever so from me to you - THANK YOU. I really wish I could tell you how much I appreciate what you have done/ how you have made me feel – the boost to my moral and all other like bits is enormous.
Today is also my 15th day of living my life without the crutch/aid of a cigarette. Not one single solitary cigarette has got anywhere near my fingers let alone my lips and it’s all down to you lot! I could not and cannot stress the fact too much that it is down to ALL OF YOU that I remain free of Mr. Nic and therefore smoke free and just so that I can make sure you can all hear me, I am shouting it as loud as I possibly can but being a lady (oh oh!) of mature years and also being very refined I just hope that I can be heard! I COULD NOT, WOULD DEFINITELY NOT have made it without you, all of you, the wonderful people that make up this terrific, fantastic, super, community called “Quit Support”. So to each and every one of you THANK YOU from the bottom of my better beating heart!
So a double celebration – and what better way to erh celebrate than with a blog! One of my very own specials! You know the sort I mean, the one you just have to read just in case by any chance/by some miracle this was is THEE one that is enjoyable and not just some silly old(ish!) woman wittering along like she is a female version of Tom Sawyer… err sorry, that should be female version of David Bailey (you know, the writer who writted a load of books years and years ago!) – silly me, Tom Sawyer was a character in the book! Near enough, old age does make the brain a little bit slow not that mine was that quick in the first place and no, you don’t have to agree with me on that point! Know that the writer should be Charles Dickens but don't like to be perfect all the time!
Honest, I do try to make my blogs interesting it’s just that sometimes my fingers think ahead of my brain and seem to have a mind of their own and just fly over the keyboard with total, utter and absolute gay abandon. No matter that I might not like what they are doing, they just carry on regardless, its like I don’t exist and they have a mind of their own. I mean to say they seem to know what they are doing even if me, myself, haven’t got a bl**dy clue so I do tend to let them have free rein and just hope that what they put makes sense to someone, in fact, anyone. So basically what I am saying here is that I accept no responsibility whatsoever for the content of this, today’s ONLY blog (You lucky people only one today!) or any of my previous blogs and those blogs yet to come (and very sorree but there will definitely be more) – spelling wise, grammar wise and sense wise as it is not me that does them but my fingers who I have little or no control over at all! They refuse to be controlled and being a weak elderly woman that means that there is not a lot I can do about it.
Today has been absolutely brilliant – only one hiccup for want of a better word. Funny isn’t it how Mr. Nic catches us unawares sometimes. It’s like he sneaks up and just hovers in the background just waiting to pounce and you don’t realise he’s there until it’s too late so in a sense you’re unarmed, unprepared and totally unready for the attack and vulnerable because you just didn’t expect him today – not today, your special day so you have to make sure that he does NOT spoil any of your days but you know and he knows just how close he came to succeeding today. If nothing else, it proves that you can never let your guard down as he is just waiting and biding his time and he is extremely patient. He knows that you are human and that you aren’t invincible so let’s be honest and say that although you have learned from today’s experience so has he which does mean that next time he will be better prepared – expect the unexpected and at least you are forewarned that he will, make no bones about it, attack you again.
Oh my gosh, it was this . close – it would have been so easy to give in, cave in, call it what you like as I would have been the only one that knew, besides him that is. To cut a long story short, while out today, someone proffered a cigarette packet around the group I was stood with. I put my hand out – can you believe that – I actually put my hand out and moved two of my fingers in preparation to take a cigarette! Truthfully, it was like a dream but it wasn’t, it was real and it was happening and I was going to take and then smoke a cigarette. Everything seemed to slow down – it was exactly like the six million dollar man with Steve Austen when he used to move fast but the camera really slowed it down. It seemed like my hand wasn’t a part of me which was so weird it was like I was stood beside myself watching myself do this. I don’t even know what brought me back to reality and to my senses but something did – whether it was someone speaking I don’t know but whatever it was I am just so grateful that it brought me back from the brink. Even to me this does sound really dramatic but am sure that you will all understand when I say that it could have spelled disaster. I openly admit that I was shaking like a leaf when I pulled my hand back and said something like No, sorry, I don’t anymore. Why I was apologising I don’t know but a short while later I went to the ladies and shut myself in a stall and burst into tears. Luckily no one else came in and I was able to wash my face and then rejoin the group but oh, it was so, so close but thankfully,Mr. Nic lost again.
I may have won today (he who lives by running away lives to fight another day) but it just proves that it really is a long hard battle. Maybe, I had possibly got a little complacent as compared to some I seem to have had it relatively easy so far but this was/is a definite ‘reality check’ for me and I never again want to experience such a close call. Think it may be advisable to say to myself every other day ‘come back to earth Buttons52 , your time is up’!
Well folks, about time I started to wind down and let you all have a rest from my ramblings so hope you all had a good Monday or as good as the weather allowed. Lovely that you have got home Sue and are in good voice – missed you loads. Take care everyone and do remember that there is strength in numbers and we certainly have the numbers and the strength. TOGETHER WE WILL CONQUER - TOGETHER WE WILL WIN!
Sweet dreams everyone.
Buttons52
PS Bought a lucky dip EuroMillions on Friday and won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yippee DoDo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So am now going to plan how to spend my winnings - all 510 pennies of it (yes, that is five pounds 10 pence - £5:10). Oh well, at least I got my money back plus a bit more.
Today will be the day
18 days - need support please
New week and nearly there for my first winners badge :)...feeling positive.
(Off topic) Just booked my first Craft Fair.
Resting heart rate after just 7 days smoke free