... Just kinda staying in touch really. So good to to read other folks generous blogs too.
I'm still smoking between two & five roll ups a day just now. I seem to have gone backwards instead of forwards. A bit sad too, as two weeks ago I'd managed to have a full 7 days without any smokes at all. I've been reading the Gillian Riley book again. Can't fault what she says - but I do get the message loud & clear, when she says, "it's totally necessary to get used to the feelings - of mental craving & obsession about tobacco smoking". If I can't stand it, and go for a smoke again - I'm still an addicted smoker.
Only by choosing, each time I light up - " do I want to smoke", or " am I Willing to tolerate the craving, for a short time", knowing for sure that it will get easier, if I don't run away and have a puff again.
I think it must be down to some sort of courage. That's twice now, in the last 9 months that I've managed to stop completely for over a week or more. What makes me think I'll ever get to that kind of Willingness again?... I might not! Then I'll have to smoke for the rest of my life... and that's a really scary thought.
I blew smoke into an empty lemonade bottle (I saw a guy do it on uTube). Watching all that smoke swirl around, just like it does in our lungs when we smoke, and even when you squeeze the bottle it doesn't all come out... Proves what a dangerous game this smoking really is.
COPD (so my Doc tells me) is really not being able to breathe out fully. To begin with, you can breathe in okay, but the air starts to get trapped in the damaged areas of the lung, so you cannot breathe it out properly, eventually you cannot breathe in enough air - or get rid of it adequately. Not a good way to try and live is it.
Oh me, that all sounds a bit dismal - and I don't mean it to be at all. Guess I'm still trying to convince me as much as anything. For all of that, I'm still concentrating on each ciggie I smoke, and not being complacent about them. My common sense knows it's pure madness to continue puffin, I just wish I could convince my head and heart to agree!
It's still been a good day though, snowy and bitter cold yet - but this too will pass - and it'll be Spring eventually!
Night everyone, and oh so we'll done to all you brilliant ex smokers tonight.. Just don't give in and be sad, and you will be, if you give in for sure. Gill, xxxx