What I am and to some extent will not change and let’s face it, for many of us it is an extremely hard thing to do – change takes strength it involves not just having the will to change it also means making your heart want that change as well because without heart there is no meaning to anything really.
Changes can sometimes occur overnight but mostly it takes time and some, but not all, do not have the patience to wait. Let’s face it how many times have we wanted to change something at the strangest time but we’ve gone ahead and done it and been successful. It does depend though on what you want to change as to how long it takes to achieve your goal.
To change from a smoker to a non-smoker does not happen like the snap of your fingers nor does it take place over night. Not only do you want to change the habits of a lifetime or what seems possibly like a lifetime you are changing your whole outlook on life and living. Just how do you propose to change this, probably one of the hardest things to do ever, and not for now but forever because it is the future you are looking to and whilst there are plenty that tell you the future is brighter you, at the present moment, are unable to see that brightness, much as you want to.
I, like others, have wanted to change my life by quitting smoking but so far, my dream of a smoke free future is not a reality. I have had numerous false starts and even managed at one time to be smoke free for over 7 weeks but ‘happenings’ for want of a better word brought my change to an abrupt end and I have struggled to get back on the right road and I know that a lot of people on this site have grown sick and tired of me and if the boot was on the other foot, I dare say I would feel the same. To those who have fallen but picked themselves up, dusted themselves down and started again, I say that is simply great and I envy you your courage and fortitude in doing so.
When I was younger patience was something that I didn’t possess and if I did, it was very short lived. As I’ve grown older I believe I have got slightly wiser and I now have more patience than I ever thought possible. However, like those that are tired of my blogs and me, my patience does wear thin, very thin, at times and whilst patience may be a virtue I can honestly say that I am NOT a virtuous person.
I am fully aware of the fact that only I, myself, can kick this horrible, filthy, disgusting habit and to do that, I have to be the strongest I have ever been before in my life. I want to live forever and whilst I am fully aware that that is not possible, I want to live as long as I possibly can and my chances of doing that if I carry on smoking are reduced dramatically.
Not only do I have to change my whole way of life, I also have to change how my mind works. I have always thought of myself as a strong person and I have every admiration for the people on here who have successfully stopped smoking and I have even more admiration for those that are determined and steadfast in their desire to do so also.
For me, without cigarettes, I do not feel ‘me’ if that makes sense. I have smoked for over 45 years and I honestly cannot remember what was like, or come to that, what I was like before I became a smoker. I do appreciate that there are some who have smoked longer that myself but as we are all so very different then the likelihood is that they may feel totally different to me but there is a slim chance that they feel exactly as I do and if that is the case, I would welcome their assistance in my quest to stop smoking.
Changes are constant, in that they constantly occur. Some changes are a natural progression of life, like grey hairs appearing in our otherwise one colour hair or wrinkles appearing, here there and everywhere. We change all the time in many, many ways. We get older and find that the things we could do 5 or 10 years ago are now not as easy, for instance, I can kneel down but getting up is harder to do! These changes are all so natural that we do not think about them being actual changes, we just carry on regardless but to change something that we want to change is not as always that easy as this or as simple as ABC.
I read blogs on here from people who have so much courage and determination and guts, yes guts, because they are so determined in their own minds that they will stop smoking and they have the courage and determination to ‘throw off’ these problems not with ease but with difficulty but they muster their strength and ‘ride the storm’ in a manner of speaking and come out the other side into a calm sea.
I envy them and yes, if I am honest, I am jealous of them because I so want it to be me but it isn’t. My biggest regret is having that first cigarette after 7+ weeks but like everyone else, I cannot turn the clock back oh that we could and having that first one lead to this crisis in my life and like the saying goes ‘I’m repenting at my leisure’. To think that I would have now nearly 11 weeks under my belt so you all can see that my crisis has now been going on for 4 weeks near enough and I have to sort myself out and start all over again at the very beginning. I am so full of advice, which is hopefully good, for others but I now have to take my own advice and literally practice what I preach and by doing that, my path should lead to a non-smoking future but words are just that and saying and doing are totally different especially when it is you to whom the words come relatively easily but when it comes to the crunch and you have to do it as well, it’s altogether different.
This will be my last daily blog for a while as I am going to do what some have told me I am good enough to do and that is write a book. Not in the sense of a story, i.e. fiction, with a beginning, middle and happy ending but the non-fiction type and whilst I do not intend submitting it to a publisher (they would probably laugh themselves silly after the first page) there may be times when some of it appears on here and it will be interesting to see the reaction it gets. In the main, I already have my title and the start has already begun but as to the middle and end, who knows, if it will ever be completed and should it be the case that it is, it may not have the happy ever after ending I so want. As this will be my story, the whole of it from the start, travelling to the middle and finally on to the end, is at my discretion. In other words, if I want it to have a happy ending then it is entirely up to me to make a happy ending happen. A work of fiction or fact that doesn’t have an end, not heard of that before, but there is always a first time, isn’t there?
I will leave you all in peace now my friends and even my enemies but I will pop back every so often to see how everyone is doing and perhaps post something.
You will all be successful in your quest to kick smoking out for good of that I am sure and if should you be feeling exceptionally generous when you’ve read this could you please forward, obviously only if you have some to spare, any courage, grit and determination to me, c/o this site.
Take care all and keep 
as it does help make the world a better place.
Kath.
) 
I am going cold turkey! 
From now I am a Non- smoker
Hi Everyone I am a newbie
3 weeks and I am officially a non smoker!!!
