I finally moved out of my narcissistic mother's house!! I moved an entire state away actually, and i already feel 100x better mentally and physically. I still struggle with the effects of her abuse, but i am looking to get a good therapist who can help me see better ways to heal. I want to thank this forum for the support i received when i first reached out. its not that i couldnt see what was happening to me was wrong, it was like like i needed confirmation that im not crazy. i felt that i needed someone to tell me that what i was feeling was okay, and i still feel that way sometimes but its not as bad as it used to be. I needed to not just be seen but understood.
it felt surreal to have people who didnt know me tell me that i deserved to be happy like everyone else. all the friends i had growing up had terrible relationships with their familys, and though there story wasnt like mine i attached myself to it. i told myself if they can love their family through and through i could too. after all, i was being told by my family that i was being overdramatic and sensitive, and how no matter what my mother did to me it was MY job (a 11 year old girl) to show HER unconditional love because I was the child and she was the adult. I HAD to be the responsible one.
its all so funny when i think back on those things, and i can see how stupid it all was. How i was set up for failure from the very beginning. Hearing other peoples stories helped me, and they brought back memories that are so intense i start sweating bullets when i think of them. Its painful to think of what was stolen.
my moms entire demeanor changed when i told her i was leaving. but i had seen that change before, and i wont be going back.
I'll treat the daylight as a new friend. and stand next to the love i deserve.
thank yall <3
