Not sure who I am

[Youshallnotpass84]

I just don't know how to be the person I'm meant to be. I ask myself,'Who was I before the trauma?' I get a vague response such as 'you liked watching cartoons.' I feel like an actress, and my life's just passing by. It's like I'm trying to be who I was before the trauma (which would be about 11!) That's ridiculous, but it's what my mind is trying to do. I've read a lot of people recover from ptsd within a few weeks or months. I never had support, and my traumas were brushed under the rug, normalised, and simply 'merged' into reality. Maybe it's why I've had it for decades.... I called the Samaritans at the weekend and heard just how harshly I talk to myself. During the call I said, 'c'mon my name, pull yourself together!' The caller and I agreed that it isn't a nice thing to say to yourself. I've noticed how I've become mean spirited over the years. Talking to myself the way abusers once spoke to me. I just want to know my voice again.

[Sheepdawg]

I can totally relate to your experience! Therapy and EMDR treatment have helped me through the symptoms. But, I feel the loss of who I once was, before the trauma.

Someone recently said that your brain naturally wants to return to “normal,” to who you once were. However, this isn’t likely to happen. Due to your trauma, you are now changed. It is about owning who you are now and how to be the healthiest version of yourself today.

I will pray that you find peace. 🙏

[Existing in reply to Sheepdawg]

So, SO true. Thank you for affirming that for all of us 🙏❤️

[Existing]

The way you feel in your words is not ridiculous at all. In fact, it is the most classic symptoms of someone who has experienced childhood trauma. And for the record, it might seem like others recover quickly, but it's not the truth. I often share that my trauma began in my 40s, when I already had many years of experience pre-trauma to draw on. Kids unfortunately have no such experience to draw on, as you so elegantly describe.

This makes it a whole different, much more difficult ball of wax than adult trauma.

What's important is that you can recover your life, and your identity. It is not easy, in fact, I can't imagine the difficulties you have to contend with to make that happen, but what I know for you is that you can and must continue pursuing the full meaningful life you are worthy of living.

The most important thing for you to keep reminding yourself is that you ERE, infact, WORTHY. You are worthy of what was stolen from you, and YOU are the only one who can give yourself that.

I am so deeply and truly sorry that this is the burden you carry, and I am sincere when I say I will always prioritize my support for people like you, who carry that difficult burden

I believe in you, in your inherent dignity and worth, to live the life you deserve to live.❤️🙏

[Youshallnotpass84]

Thank you so much. I wasn't expecting this level of support here. You're very kind.

[Existing]

Right, the world is deficient in the most essential human needs for life beyond survival, like compassion, connection, support, and any integrity between their words and deeds. We've monetized all that and packaged it for deceptive purposes as propaganda in order to hide from what we've become, to conceal our homicidal passions for power and control through destruction and elimination via genocide, and sliding the money and weapons of mass destruction under the table as we smile and tell you how much we care.

Or in the case of what's happening in the US right now, there appears to be no need to attempt to hide it.

😹

Funny not funny. 🤗😢

[bluejay67]

I hear you....

[Wildflowhour]

I’m sending you love. It’s really hard cuz you were halted in your growth at a young age as you were developing yourself so it’s hard to get back to who you were cuz you were still in the motor of figuring that out still. I guess this is where we’re supposed to try to get in touch with that inner child and spend time with them. Maybe read up on ways to do that. Me I imagine that I can talk to her and first I tell her I’m sorry it happened and I couldn’t avoid it or fix it and I reassure her that it wasn’t her fault I tell her she’s wonderful and deserves all the good stuff she missed out on because of this. And then when I’m feeling really imaginative treat her to a nice time Abdi we talk about what she likes and wants and her dreams and stuff. I know it sounds silly but it kinda makes me feel good.

I wish you luck I’m so sorry this happened to you life is really hard! I’m glad you’re here.