Can't stand being by myself

[HevenCanWait]

I've been a very independent person all my life. I had to be - I was traumatized by my family when younger and dealt with it by burying myself in books, academics and work. I am asexual and have never been interested in marriage or having children. I am retired now, working part-time, but feel distanced from most people and very lonely. I have friends, but they don't know I feel this way, that when I'm alone I feel abandoned and unloved. They just see me as successful, but I know better.

Because I have been taking care of myself for all these decades, I feel I want someone else to finally take care of me, but don't know how to make this happen. My original family never took care of me emotionally, and I am still suffering from that. I don't want to go through the end of my life feeling this way, but I don't who to turn to to help me with this.

Any comments from this community? Does anyone know a good therapist to help with PTSD who will work with me online?

Thank you .

[SydneyAB]

So sorry to hear you are struggling. I have PTSD as well and have similar issues. I am married but no kids. I always feel like I don't want friends but that is very lonely. Though I love my husband, I don't trust anyone to fully get close to anyone. I found my therapist through Psychology Today website. You can search therapists in your area and sort them by what issues they specialize in. If you ever need to talk, you can message me for a chat. I'm not on here every day but would certainly love to chat and make new friends.

[HevenCanWait in reply to SydneyAB]

Hello, Sydney. Thank you for your reply to my post. I only just saw it. Thank you for recommending the Psychology Today website. I'll give it a try. I'm not on Health Unlocked every day either (I recently went back to work part-time to make ends meet), but I would like to chat with you this way.

[Nafpaktos]

Avoidance and feeling cut off from others are two symptoms of PTSD. (You can see the others by looking up the PCL-5 symptoms checklist.) This suggests you're still traumatized, and in fact you say that you continue to suffer from your early childhood experiences with your family. Until the trauma is treated this will almost certainly make it difficult for you to have the kind of intimate, loving relationship you've longed for. That's the bad news, but the good news is this is — there are effective treatments for trauma, even trauma from early childhood. My suggestion would be to start with Rothbaum and Rauch's book PTSD: What Everyone Needs to Know. If it's not available at your local library, it's fairly inexpensive online. They describe not only the nature of the disorder, the understanding of which may help relieve some of your distress, but also discuss treatment and how to find it. And I should add that they say much of the treatment you can begin doing on your own, so that you don't need to wait around for recovery.

[HevenCanWait in reply to Nafpaktos]

Thank you so much for your explanation here, Nafpaktos. Yes, I am sure that I am still traumatized and haven't worked through it because, up until last year, no therapist even mentioned that it could be PTSD. Thank you for recommending the book to me. I will get it soon and start working with it.

[Nafpaktos in reply to HevenCanWait]

You're welcome. It's an unfortunately common problem to have never received a proper diagnosis, especially for anxiety and trauma disorders. I experienced it myself, and it's why I urge everyone to take matters into their own hands in terms of self-education from reputable sources (e.g., university publications, like Oxford University Press.)

I think it's also important to remember that if you've been traumatized then things may not be so bad as they appear. Because a single diagnosis (PTSD) can explain a whole range of symptoms that may make it look like your life is filled with problems — problems which can resolve through successfully processing the trauma. Consider, for example, this list of common symptoms of PTSD: academic.oup.com/book/28753....

If you would like a better idea about how exposure therapy for PTSD is done, you can watch this short video: youtube.com/watch?v=ViOlBfF...(Not working as expected?).

[HevenCanWait in reply to Nafpaktos]

Thank you for the list of common symptoms of PTSD, and for saying that not all people experience the same symptoms. I notice that the list does not contain Dissociation as a symptom. While I mostly suffer from anxiety and depression from the constant emotional and verbal abuse I had as a child (and into my adult years from one of my parents), I also have suffered from dissociation through the decades. I came to terms with that symptom by 1) realizing that it was my mind's way of protecting itself from continuous trauma, and 2) having years of therapy for that symptom. But never once did anyone ever mention PTSD in conjunction with that symptom or my anxiety and recurrent major depression.

[Nafpaktos in reply to HevenCanWait]

I think you're exactly right. One good thing to note is that the research shows that those who experience dissociation typically do better in therapy. I haven't read the study, and forget the reason why, but it is covered in the PTSD treatment manual for therapists:

Prolonged Exposure Therapy for PTSD: Emotional Processing of Traumatic Experiences (2nd Edition.)

amazon.com/dp/0190926937?re...

[HevenCanWait in reply to Nafpaktos]

Thanks for this link to the PTSD treatment manual for therapists!

[PeaceNeed]

I feel exactly like you except I wasnt successful and have few if any friends.I hope you can find some help.

[HevenCanWait in reply to PeaceNeed]

Thank you, PeaceNeed. I feel for you. I deal with my distraut feelings with meds, homeopathic meds, weekly therapy, being outside in nature, and joining groups: hiking and other nature groups, volunteer groups, LGBTQA+ (I feel non-binary, asexual), etc I find compatible groups on meetup and just googling what I'm interested in. So I have made friends and acquaintances in my new life this way and get out to socialize more, which I dearly need every day.

Thanks for reaching out. Best to you in your search for peace.

[DoctorMommy]

Perhaps you need to refrain your thoughts on sexuality and instead of being nonsexual find a person who can be nonsexual with you and mutually sexual if that makes sense