antisocial musings

[HaBeBe7]

Sometimes I get so frustrated with the state of the "healthcare system" in the US, I consider going out and committing a crime- not because I want to or because I'm a violent person, but because INMATES in federal prison have better access to healthcare than I do. Why isn't healthcare considered a human right? There are SO MANY like myself out there - no income/ low income, uninsured... I struggle everyday because I feel like my life is not even worth living because I can't get help for BASIC health concerns. My physical and mental problems are like an ouroboros of relentless suffering.

[Existing]

Yes. It should be a no brainer, right? Create some support for yourself and others. Need and anger from an authentic place are the voices that get heard. ❤️

[Wildflowhour]

yeah definitely it’s wrong for real for real

[PeaceNeed]

I dont know what the benefits situation is like in Texas. Medicaide, SSI ,. Look into psychosocial club houses in texas.They have voctional, recreational and educational programs for indiviuals with MI.

Look up Fountain House its the original club house .

[HaBeBe7]

Thank you - I will definitely look into your suggestions. Just to answer the question : Medicaid is basically nonexistent in the state of Texas UNLESS you are a pregnant woman. The lack of social services in this state is ASTONISHING. It's like they don't even consider mental illness a disability here. I'm originally from NYS so it was a SHOCK when I moved here. For comparison -NYS Medicaid basically extends to ANYONE that makes less than like $35,000/year. There are SO MANY resources available. I honestly wish I could just move back ( well, I wish I never moved here in the first place but I had NO idea it was THIS bad 🙃 )

[PeaceNeed]

I just looked up Austin Club house on google. Mixed reviews. Go in with eyes wide open.

[HaBeBe7]

Yeah I just went on the Texas Health website to look for clubhouses in my area ( Dallas/Ft.Worth ) - there's one ran by Jewish Family Services. I will contact them to find out more information about the program. People from Texas think "Austin" is like a "liberal city"

[HaBeBe7]

I think it's hilarious to refer to ANY place in this state as "liberal"

[HaBeBe7]

A clubhouse is exactly the type of program I need right now. Well, first I'd like to get an appointment with a psychiatrist to get back on meds ( if anyone EVER calls me back... one clinic here said I had to make an appointment with a DR first, in order to be seen by a psych.) The dr. app. alone takes MONTHS and then I'm sure it would be another few months before I'm actually seen by a psychiatrist... not very encouraging. This is why I contemplate going to the ER/ having myself committed EVERY single week. I think it would be easier/faster to get help that way but I know I'll be left with debt I can never pay. Yet I can't seem to get an appointment ANYWHERE due to my lack of income and insurance.

[HaBeBe7]

Thank you SO much for taking the time to look into this for me. It's very thoughtful of you. I personally have never heard of "clubhouses" before ( I knew programs like this existed but not to what extent... )

[Youshallnotpass84]

I'm so sorry, I don't know what advice to offer. I've considered prison and mental hospitals as a way out, except I have an extremely strong system of values and zero interest in drugs or taking medication. It's hard getting back into work as well because you're starting from rock bottom and although there's a huge collective desire to get people off of financial government assistance, people who have been off work for a while are not necessarily encouraged by employers or offered support. It can take forever to find the right therapist. In the UK, the nhs could be better. I hope it is one day. I've just come to the conclusion that no one is ever going to help me because there isn't any help out there. At least it’s true for me.

[HaBeBe7]

It's okay you don't have any advice. I appreciate your support. I understand my situation is challenging. Today, I choose to keep hope alive. I believe there is help out there for you too. Please don't give up on yourself - I haven't given up on myself yet. 🌼

If you ever need someone to talk to - I'm here 💛

[PeaceNeed]

Your welcome. I wish you well. I'm alone here and only in touch with a few people. So much for my golden years.

[HaBeBe7 in reply to PeaceNeed]

This is why I'm trying to get things back on track now. The past 3 years have been an upheaval of any progress I've made throughout my life. It's hard "starting over" @ 41 but if I don't take action now, it will be even harder @ 50 or 60. I don't have any children ( or extended family ) and I currently don't have friends/acquaintances. My life wasn't always like this - I used to work and be social. I became REALLY depressed and isolated when I moved. I need to recreate stability and security for myself. I know it's possible because I've achieved this in the past ( in spite of my struggles with mental health ). It's just SO challenging to "stay positive" in the situation I'm currently in - I guess that's why I'm here for support. It makes me sad to hear you speak of your "golden years" with contempt. I've personally always preferred the company & conversations of people older than myself. I hate our current society's attitude towards aging. We all deserve respect, kindness and understanding ( especially those who have been battling with life longer!) 💛

[PeaceNeed in reply to HaBeBe7]

Im 65. No startimg over Im afraid

[HaBeBe7 in reply to PeaceNeed]

p.s. I took your advice & applied for Medicaid in the state of Texas ( even though my chances of being approved are slim... ::: keeping my fingers crossed ::: ) but I will know for sure in about a month or so... at least this will let me know whether or not I need to take the drastic step of moving back to NYS ( I would be homeless but at least I know for a fact I'd have healthcare and access to other resources that would help me ) *I know this sounds "insane" to most people but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to reclaim my life, even if that means staying in a shelter &/or halfway house for a period of time *

[PeaceNeed]

Hello H,I dont know what to say on that. They're having issues with city fheps voucher prograg to get people out of shelters. Do research read articles on Gothamist . Look up continueum of care.

My spelling isnt that good anymore sorry

[HaBeBe7]

Yes, thank you for the advice. I honestly wish I did MORE research BEFORE moving to Tx . I was naive thinking, " Oh, it's still a part of the U.S., how different could the system be?" 🙃I would be moving back to a small, upstate city in NYS not NYC. I'm pretty familiar with the area I'd be staying in and the way social services works there ( so that's helpful ). I am still incredibly nervous though. I'm holding on to the hope that I'll be able to find some help here. Only time will tell...

* no worries- your spelling is fine 🌼

[PeaceNeed in reply to HaBeBe7]

I wanted to move to small city upstate. I moved here in a hurry because where I was at the time ruined my mental health.....was desperate.Move here took alot out of me and I injured myself. Its a senior building. Almost like nursing home.

Im afraid stuck in NYC now. No energy left to move again.

[HaBeBe7]

Believe me, I can empathize with you about the stress of moving and having to stay somewhere out of desperation. I'm so sorry you are in a situation where you feel "stuck". I wish you could move to a small city upstate too because I can only imagine how overwhelming NYC can feel. I lived in NYS my whole life and would regularly visit NYC - but honestly, I wouldn't want to LIVE there. When you said you lived in a senior building, it made me remember a senior building near my old apartment. I used to walk by the building everyday on my way to the bus stop and I loved chatting with the residents there. I honestly miss my old neighborhood ( even though it was considered "low income", there was an odd yet comforting sense of community there ). I live in "the suburbs" now and it's SO BORING. I live in an apartment complex and have never even talked to any of my neighbors. It's strange that people assume "Southerners are more friendly"/"New Yorkers are rude" - I can't say I agree with this sentiment at all.