I'm struggling with the unknown, like through therapy (been seeing a psychiatrist for a year and will begin EMDR in a week through a different therapist) If I manage to work through all of my traumas, who will I become? Is everything I am now just a facade to cover up all of the pain and racing thoughts in my head daily? I am scared that healing also means becoming someone completely different, maybe someone I or others may not like.
Anyone else felt scared or is currently scared of finding a totally different person on the other side of healing?
This past weekend I went to a work related large event, I arrived and sat in my Jeep, like frozen in place, couldn't get myself to get out and go inside. I sat in my Jeep crying and telling myself how much I hated myself because I couldn't go inside. I texted a co-workers in a group text that I was outside, they said "come on in", I still sat, wanting to leave. I have a phobia of walking in front of people. A coworker came out to my Jeep and got me, walked in with me. God I want to change this so bad !!! Does anyone else struggle through this? I'd like to hear your stories of how you deal with these feelings or struggle with it. Even just walking from the parking lot everyday at work, up to the glass building, I walk with my head down, shoulders hung down, in fear that someone in that building is watching me walk up to it. I'd love to walk loud and proud someday. But today is not that day. The struggle is real. hate it.
Too long too much
