Lost my Dad

Hi everyone

A couple of weeks ago I posted saying I thought we were reaching the end of my wonderful Dad's life - I was right. Dad died at 9:55pm on 14th February 2017 (Valentines Day).

We had our family reunion in the week or so leading up to dad's death. He was so poorly but he fought all the way. All his children, his adult grandchildren and his beautiful wife (mum is end stage Alzheimer's with little or no memory) came to see him. The care home was amazing and the staff looked after and loved dad as if he was one of their own family members

My sister and I essentially lived in the nursing home with dad for his last precious week of life. My brothers were there 16 hours a day. In that last week with Dad we laughed, we cried, we cuddled, we hugged, we stroked, we were there. Strange as it may sound it was almost like we had a last family holiday. My Dad, never previously an "outwardly demonstrative in his affections" kind of guy showered us with love through his actions.

Whilst he could still talk he repeatedly asked specifically for me. You see, unlike anyone else, I've walked every step every day with dad over the last 3 and a half years (I live in the same village, my siblings spread far and wide across the UK and the Netherlands) and he showed me his appreciation. I as well as Dad's daughter became I guess his world - I was his career, his wife, his mother, his confidante, his main focus. In the middle of the night he stroked my arms, my face and hair (who knew he liked my hair so much!! I didn't!) for hours on end; he asked me to hold him tight and he wouldn't let me go. I hugged and held him and listened to his heart as he took his last breaths.

I'm utterly heartbroken. I'm pleased my mum has no idea he's gone as my "real" mum without dementia would be too. She's in a bubble and I wish I was.

Dad's death certificate has Old Age as it's primary cause but PSP as the secondary cause. That's probably right. He was 85 and has had a wonderful life of happy memories. I hope we gave him the same death.

Night night Dad - I truly love you

Pam x

15 Replies

  • Hi

    What a dignified end to dad's journey, you will think of him every day and that is good, make sure you give him a good send off,

    Julie xxx

  • Dear Pam I am so sorry . The day that held up love as the most special emotion. And for dad , though he could not tell you, it sure seemed like he showed you through his actions how much he loved you. You and your brothers certainly showed your dad and those around him how much you loved him.....and isn't it wonderful to see the love of others to a perfect stranger or someone they know only from the hospice and yet they care for them beyond belief......

    You had a wonderful life with your dad and soon another phase of your life will be ready to be lived. He would want you to be happy in that new phase .....take time to mourn ....it's not going to be easy,,, but each day work toward your new phase in life where you are a strong resilient woman ready to move on......

    Remember we are hear for you


  • Sorry for your loss - but what a lovely, life-affirming post. Your dad had a good life and felt loved and supported in his death.

    The loss is huge but you have so many memories.

    Big hug from Jean xx

  • Dear Pam

    I'm so very sorry and send you and your family my sincerest condolences

    Your Dad was truly treasured but is now free of this evil disease

    Sending you much love x

  • Hi Pam, sorry to here that your Dad has lost his battle with PSP. May he rest in peace finally free from this evil disease.

    Steve died over the Christmas holidays, so we too had everyone around. It made his passing very special. Which is giving me great comfort. We all have to go and it sounds as if you gave your Dad the most precious thing in our lives, a peaceful death. Treasure this.

    Sending you a very large hug and much love.

    Lots of love


  • So happy you had your reunion xxxx

  • So sorry to hear you have lost your dad, Pammy.

    Your story of his passing is most touching! I think in the future when the raw loss has eased, what you have done for you and your family, and for your dad, will be a precious and rewarding memory for you to cherish!

    My thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time.


    Jen xxx

  • Oh, Pam

    What a beautiful post.

    Its left me a little short of words.

    So I will just wish you and yours the best.



  • Pam

    Its sound like you could of not done anymore for your Dad . May your memories give you peace and comfort.

  • oil agree r opam

    ololi ji


  • Xxxx

  • Sending you love & strength.

    A beautiful post about your Dad and your utter devotion to him until he had to go.


  • Sending love xx

  • Poignant and moving and so lovely, really. Love is the one true thing, and you and your father have it - won't say 'had'. Thanks for sharing it with us, too. Love, Easterncedar

  • Sending you love & hugs in your dark hours Pam x

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