I just wanted to ask you all about the feelings that I am feeling, I feel like part of me has died, we had gone to Cyprus on holiday and George was very poorly, my brother lives in Cyprus and he took us to a private hospital, the doctor there did tests and said he thought it was psp, felt so bad so for George he did not want to accept it, did not know much about psp, the children were in London, broke the news to them, and could not wait to come home.
The doctor in Cyprus had been working at queen's square and he said when you go home ask your doctor to send you there. As soon as we arrived home the girls had got us an appointment and we went to see the doctor, we had only just moved up to Bishops Stortford, the doctor was a bit off when we said we had been to see a private doctor in Cyprus, he said why did you waste your money, I said the doctor we saw charged us 50 euros, and he spent over an hour with us, and for the first time in all the years that we had an answer to George's illness, he seemed to change his attitude after that and looked up psp on his computer, while we were there, he even wrote the letter while we were in his room, saying I will more than likely get into trouble spending so much time with you, we had found a good doctor unfortunately he was only their temporary. Our old doctors I had been telling them for years that George was not well, with the coughing, inappropriate laughing but they said it was the medication, so god how's how long he has had this horrible PSP.
Well as I have already said the hospital in London said it was psp, so our worse fears were confirmed, I think being with George every day you don't realise things change so much, until someone comes to visit and they say how different he looks etc.
We have been married for 46 years and we should be enjoying our retirement but that is not to be, George does not want to do anything, he does not want to get up, he does not want me to shower him, he does not want to socialise with anyone, he just wants to sit on his chair watching tv playing with the remote control.
I was with my daughters today and they wanted too arrange something for my birthday I will be 65 told them I did not want a fuss, they were fine with it, but I can't shift this feeling that I have had since we went to the hospital at the beginning of January.
We have always worked hard brought up 3 lovely children and have 4 beautiful grandchildren, just think life is so unfair, I know we have to take one day at a time, but it is so hard.
George does not want to accept he has psp, he tells everyone he is getting better, I am not winging just feeling sad that's all I suppose. I am more than likely tired, I have to sort out everything for a long time now, so I am use to it, but there is this feeling that I can't shake off.
Sorry to go on but I felt a bit down today.
You are all amazing people love to read the different stories I look forward to the have a lovely evening and a good week end.