I keep thinking about me before this illness to my husband and me now..what is the "meaning" of this? If there is one. Have I changed? What have I learned? A powerful experience has powerful consequences; like being in a war. Life before and life after. I know that I am a better person now than before. I've learned a bit of humility and acceptance. I've experienced a level of pain that I had always been afraid of before. I've learned what love is and the limits of love; I've learned that I can be stronger than I ever thought I could be; I've learned about true friends (not necessarily the people I thought of as friends); I've learned to enjoy moments without always planning for a goal or a future. And I have also in some strange way have developed the ability to wait, watch, be patient, alert, and open without blindly charging ahead frightened and depressed when I face the unknown.