So, it has been a few months since I have been on here, but wanted to share a brief story of my journey thus far. It is two years exactly to the day; I got a prostatectomy.
Since then, there have been many ups and downs and unforeseeable side turns.
After my initial diagnosis in July of 2018, I weighed all my options and decided surgery was the best option for me. My hope was that they would remove my prostate and I would be cancer free. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. Three months after surgery, I still had a pc level that was slowly rising. I was advised to do 44-sessions of radiation treatment, along with Androgen Deprivation Treatment (ADT) for a minimum of 1 year or more. To address the physical side effects of ADT (a zero-level testosterone), and penile atrophied, I was put on trimix. Slowly as my testosterone decreased, so did my desire for sex. The trimix dosage had to eventually be increased to the maximum 100 cc dosage, just to get me semi-erect. During this time, I became increasingly emotionally volatile, and I witnessed some significant changes to my once very fit body. I had poor blood circulation, my hands were in a constant state of swelling, and the simple act of making a fist became impossible. I craved junk food, gained 20lbs, and I had very little desire to exercise. However, to counteract all that was going on with me physically and emotionally, I sought to find ways to gain some control over my life externally. Despite the constant feeling of wanting to bury my head under the covers, I pushed myself to move forward.
My history of being in personal therapy, and various therapy driven groups, I instinctively knew I was suffering from grief of my old self, and that I was in a mild depression.
To counteract, I increased my visits with my therapist, joined a therapy group and sought a psychiatrist to help with the depression side effects of the ADT medicine.
Recently in January of this year, I was told that I don’t have any signs of cancer, but the treatments I had undergone left me with a venous leak in one side of my penis. My options were to continue the penile injections, or explore the option of getting a penile implant. Either way, any chance of returning to pre-cancer natural erections were very slim and most likely zero.
So, after weighing those options I decided that I didn’t want to inject myself every time I wanted to have intercourse for the rest of my life, and I opted for the implant. The Covid-19 experience delayed my surgery by a few months, but it was finally done in July, 2 years to the week of my first diagnosis. I am at the end of healing period and next week, I will go in and see a specialist on implant inflation and deflation training.
I am looking forward to finally getting back to intercourse sex and the slow return of my normal testosterone level has me pretty horny these days. I would have never imagined that this would be my journey at 53 years old, but I remain grateful that although I have experienced many challenges with PC, I was also provided many solutions. I guess more will be revealed as I continue on this journey.
Written by
Dreamweaverman
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Wow, Dreamweaverman, you've been through a lot. Congrats on fighting and even getting an implant. My urologist said "you have to be really motivated" to do that, so I guess you like sex a lot. I can sympathize with that, even if I'm older than you. I hope the implant functions well and you can screw with the best of them when it's fully functional!
Dreamweaver....very similar story to you, although I did not have radiation. I to had an implant. I am 8 years out, get ready to go on Medicare in November. I have been wondering if Medicare will pay if I have to have this re-done. It does not seem as firm as it once was. That's why I am wondering what a revision is also.
Implant revision. Had some problems with my right cylinder buckling and RTEis not in the crus. That part folded forwards and is making big bulge about 2 inches long on right penile shaft. My first implant was Titan.
I don’t want to go with Titan again so was asking my surgeon for AMS 700 LGX.
Revision week and a half from today.
Surgeon who did my first implant did not do good job.
Thanks, I really think if I had waited longer for my testosterone level to return to my normal level, trimix would still be option. I just really wanted to get back to the spontaneity of sex. Plus after awhile the needles really hurt me.
Not the most fun and you have to plan a bit ahead. I had really low t levels before they found the cancer, in fact checking why it was low is how the found it. Luckily I only needed surgery (been 3 years now). So no other problems to make it worse.
Hey H, I guess so. Heard that it can be a little painful at first and that I will probably need to work up to school boy firmness. I’ll definitely post about it
Wishing you the best. Can't imagine all you've been through. I count my blessing that so far after my Cyberknife radiation ending on March 31 everything is functioning very well. First PSA was down to 2.9 last week. My husband of 30 years and I did each purchase a Giddy and love them. I'm 69 and he's 58 and it really helps tweek the firmness of our erections. We've both tops or bottoms and have always had a very active sex life and continue to. My husband was diagnosed with PC which they watched for a year. Numbers went up. Hoping he will have the success I have so far when he has Cyberknife in September. Wishing you all the success with your emplant the joy it brings. Thanks for sharing your journey.
Definitely lost a lil maybe an inch, I have been told by my doctor that I will actually gain some girth, and as I use it and are able to fill cylinders more etc. My husband says he sees it, but I’m not sure. Going in for training tomorrow and doctor said after that I should off to the races...lol
Dream weaver, you have been and continue to be a consistent positive influence over my recovery physically and mentally. I am almost at my 2 year anniversary (8/29/18) and I’m also now 53.
Your posts in the early days really kept me going. Your positive attitude despite being knocked down was really great for me to read. Anytime I was feeling sorry for myself... I would think just try and put a positive twist on things like Dreamweaver.
I’m mostly a shy person, and I don’t post enough... but I just want to say thank you! And I wish you all the best!!!!
Aww Boston, what a sweet message. I am just grateful to you and this support network for being an outlet to process all the experiences around this. My Hope was that if I have to go through this, then maybe writing about it will help someone else. Lots of good vibes and energy to you!
Thanks for sharing! I can relate in so many ways. Just like thinking I was the only gay person, then I thought I was the only one with PC. So thankful for this group and not feeling like I’m the only one. Love to all.
I sincerely appreciate your courage in sharing your difficult journey on this blog. As a black/latino gay male, I can relate to the unique emotional and psychological stresses that you've experienced. Although, you didn't go into detail, I intuitively knew what they were. Luckily you found the support that successfully brought you to this point. Your journey has renewed my faith that there is light at the end of the tunnel. If you don't mind, I might want to connect with you directly when I start my radiation therapy. Stay positive, healthy and safe!
Hi Checkmate, thanks for the kind words. Yeah it has been quite the journey, and i am experiencing new feelings at this stage of my journey as well. But I do believe i must continue to work towards accepting and living the best life I can make from under the circumstances. The guys in here have been absolutely amazing. And radiation therapy was quite easy, once I got into a routine. I am sure you will be absolutely fine. Reach out anytime.
Thanks dreamweaver for sharing. I'm curious to hear about the implant experience. Injections have not been fun. The last couple attempts were precovid and both were painful and rather scary with 4+hr erections. Clearly I need to get the dosage sorted, but I'm wondered about an implant. I'm 47.
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