Hey Fellas, most of you all know my story of having a PSA of 1.4 post-surgery, and after doing a PET scan, additional MRI's and biopsies, I am exploring possible treatments with 2 medical teams, one at Weil Cornell and the other at MSK. Yesterday I visited the medical oncologist and her advice was to go on 2 hormone-blocking drugs, Firmagon and Lupron. It seems I have a definite lymph node in my right pelvic area that is positive for pc and a couple suspicious spots in the left rear pelvic area. The kicker is that because of the extensive PET scan I did there was a spot of concern in my left eye area, and an MRI was ordered to take a closer look. That has now come back inconclusive and a CAT Scan is the next step to see if they can see if cancer is present or it is just an abnormality in the bone, which is very common. While I am grateful for the care and concern of my medical team, emotionally and mentality I am becoming weary of the fast pace of this experience. Just 5 months ago I had no idea about any of this and I just went in to have a routine check-up. My husband joined me at yesterday’s visit, and we were both feeling frustrated by the time we saw the doctor because we were kept waiting for 2 hours. I usually do 95% of these visits by myself, but I was grateful he was there to hear medical opinions of possible treatments. Before I describe what, the doctor said about treatments and lifestyle, I will point out that her personality does lean toward worst-case scenarios and over informing patients. So, she said the spot behind my eye could be nothing, but if it is cancer then doing hormones is the best treatment as they will block the production of testosterone and potentially starve cancer. But that would also mean that there would be no reason to radiate the prostate bed. However, if it isn’t cancer, that I should continue on the path of temporary hormone treatment and do radiation therapy once my PSA and testosterone levels become undetectable. During our visit, she went deeply into explaining the challenges of possibly being on hormone treatment indefinitely which really depressed me. She described weight gain, lethargy, no libido and basically said when all that becomes emotionally or physically unbearable, we could take a break from treatments for a couple of months. I asked the question of what her opinion was if I did nothing right now. She said if the spot behind my eye is cancer, that means the disease is systemic and that with no treatments I could die in a year or 2. But if that is the case and I am treating it, that I could live for many years to come. Perhaps this is a defense mechanism but part of me finds this gloomy outlook to be a little humorous. For much of my life, I have been an extroverted, somewhat masculine, physically healthy, competitive and unapologetically sex-positive person. So, for a doctor to tell me that there is a possibility that I would have to accept a life of possibly becoming lethargic, obese and sexless feels a little ironic. LMAO!!! However, I am taking this journey a day at a time. The most sensible next steps for me is to do the cat scan and start the hormone therapy treatment since that seems to be inevitable whether it is temporary or long term. I have allowed myself to feel a profound sadness around this experience in the last 48 hours, but today I have decided to be in the present and live my life as I would any day. I.e.- family, work, gym, and overall life responsibilities are what is on my plate today, and I will show up for it all. Has anyone had a similar experience? All advice/comments are welcomed.