Intro for the new HealthUnlocked gay men's group

I was diagnosed with state four (metastatic) prostate cancer in January of 2013, at the age of 48, with a Gleason score of 9 (4 + 5). I've been treated with testosterone dep since then, but it didn't last. I'm going through chemotherapy now.

I had to retire - no energy, head fogged from treatments, tumours various places. Incontinent without Rapaflo. Pain from stents in the ureter openings to my bladder, due to a tumour there and to the need for good flow after chemo. Retirement early has been stressful.

I'm fortunate to have a husband. We've been together since 2004. I have a supportive family and friend network. It's hard not to be able to drive - pain, hip problem, unpredictable muscle spasms, so it's unsafe. I know it could all be worse, but it can still be surreal, lonely. My husband works long hours, has his own health problems, shops after work - he's tired; but he tries to come home much earlier than he used to, even if he has to keep working on his laptop. It's wonderful to have him home with me. I can bring him his tea and his meds. I've figured out how to use a chair in the utility room to do laundry. It seems to make him feel better, to have me do little things as I can to take care of him.

I've been through the emergency department a couple of times this year already, plus surgery. It's so hard to focus, to do what I need to. It's such a hard fight. I've been lucky to have my husband staying with me in the hospital, holding my hand, reading to me, even singing quietly to me once in a while.

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3 Replies

  • Stage four- DYAC

  • Best wishes to you and your husband in this difficult situation! I hope that you find some "company" in this group.

  • Congratulations, you guys have demonstrated exactly what having a partner is all about. Marriage vows are not everyone's choice, but certainly that sentiment of "in sickness or in health" sticks out as essential to any partnership. Sickness...

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