Intro for the new HealthUnlocked gay men's group

[westseraph]

I was diagnosed with state four (metastatic) prostate cancer in January of 2013, at the age of 48, with a Gleason score of 9 (4 + 5). I've been treated with testosterone dep since then, but it didn't last. I'm going through chemotherapy now.

I had to retire - no energy, head fogged from treatments, tumours various places. Incontinent without Rapaflo. Pain from stents in the ureter openings to my bladder, due to a tumour there and to the need for good flow after chemo. Retirement early has been stressful.

I'm fortunate to have a husband. We've been together since 2004. I have a supportive family and friend network. It's hard not to be able to drive - pain, hip problem, unpredictable muscle spasms, so it's unsafe. I know it could all be worse, but it can still be surreal, lonely. My husband works long hours, has his own health problems, shops after work - he's tired; but he tries to come home much earlier than he used to, even if he has to keep working on his laptop. It's wonderful to have him home with me. I can bring him his tea and his meds. I've figured out how to use a chair in the utility room to do laundry. It seems to make him feel better, to have me do little things as I can to take care of him.

I've been through the emergency department a couple of times this year already, plus surgery. It's so hard to focus, to do what I need to. It's such a hard fight. I've been lucky to have my husband staying with me in the hospital, holding my hand, reading to me, even singing quietly to me once in a while.

[westseraph]

Stage four- DYAC

[jimreilly]

Best wishes to you and your husband in this difficult situation! I hope that you find some "company" in this group.

[westseraph in reply to jimreilly]

Thanks. It's all a day at a time, isn't it?

[BerkshireBear]

Congratulations, you guys have demonstrated exactly what having a partner is all about. Marriage vows are not everyone's choice, but certainly that sentiment of "in sickness or in health" sticks out as essential to any partnership. Sickness teaches us all too quickly about our limits and those of our partners, and sometimes we just have to admit we need help beyond ourselves. You mention finding ways to do the little things, that's all that is needed. Even the smallest shows that the love and commitment persists.

Fortunately my prostate cancer seems to have remained cured for 10 years now, but two other cancers have made my last year pretty miserable. My partner did everything he could ... held me tightly through nights of spiking fevers and rigors ... it's over now but took its toll of my strength ... now he does the heavy lifting and opens bottles that my hands no longer can manage. And there's this other simple thing ... when I'm tired and disturbed I slip into his side of the bed where the pheromones he has left behind comfort me.

Yeah, cancer is a bum deal -- any cancer -- sorry you are in our club; but you guys have love -- that makes it a lot easier. ♥

[westseraph in reply to BerkshireBear]

I'm so glad to hear you do something like I do - when my husband is at work and I need more of his presence, I sometimes sneak my head over to his pillow and take a deep, long, slow breath, getting his scent. The little things are big things.

I'm so sorry to hear you've had to contend with multiple cancers. It's no fun, but love deals with pain in all kinds of amazing ways.