Newbie to the group

[Checkmate123]

I just enrolled today. Due to the current "lock down" mandate, I was searching for a support group like this one that might be holding zoom meetings. Was diagnosed on my birthday! Totally unexpected; it hit me like a ton of bricks. I've come to realize that gay men with prostate cancer get zero support in comparison with other men with cancer. Looking for any advise on medical information, lifestyle/sex related issues or simply a shoulder to lean on. Thank you!

[Darryl Partner]

Welcome You’ll find three different books re gay men and prostate cancer. Consider reading one of them

[Checkmate123 in reply to Darryl]

Thanks for the heads up. I searched on amazon.com and I found them. Thank you!

[jimreilly]

welcome--glad you found this--

[Leeaussie5]

Hi Checkmate. Welcome to the group.

My diagnosis was on my birthday last year. It too hit me hard. I had what felt like the worst time emotionally in my whole life. I didn't know what to stop the inner pain I was feeling.

I needed lots of help. Apart from the cancer team, I had a counsellor, a sexual rehab doctor and a urinary physiotherapist.

BUT...I had a successful surgery with an excellent prognosis and no real side-effects. So now I am feeling much better. Seems simple when I say it like that, but it was a hard road.

My advice is:

1. read lots about your disease and treatment options. Consult with multiple doctors on treatment options. Make you own decision. You are in control - even if the cancer and medical system seems to want to take that control from you. The more in control you remain, the happier you will be with the journey and the outcome.

2. Get yourself plenty of support - both medical and emotional. I think you will need it.

3. Remember that the guys on here are here happy to support you. You can reach out to them. Tall Allen is really knowledgeable about treatment options and doctors in the US.

Best of luck, keep safe.

[Checkmate123 in reply to Leeaussie5]

Thanks you so much for revealing your personal journey to me. It's comforting to know that I am not the only gay man who had to suffer emotionally and mentally after receiving a cancer diagnosis. It took me awhile to get my head together. I appreciate the advice you've given and you will definite will be hearing from me in the future.

[Leeaussie5 in reply to Checkmate123]

Reach out any time. Best wishes

[Miccoman]

Welcome Checkmate123.

We've all been where you are and it is indeed world-shattering. Mine came with a check-out date of no more than 10 years (stage 4, metastasized to bones).

One thing to keep in mind is that you are in control. Take your treatment at your own speed and comfort level.

This forum is a wonderful source of knowledge about treatments and side effects and how to deal with them. Just ask a question and you'll be surprised at how much information will be shared so you can make an informed decision you are comfortable with.

As a side note, when a doctor makes some dire statement don't freak out. They can be completely wrong. According to a respected urologist at a major cancer center I died last year (5 years ago he insisted "you know you only have 4 years to live")! And the best oncologists I have available to me have now revised my life expectancy to 15-20 years from diagnosis. It looks like I'll be going well into my 80s unless the virus gets me.

Breathe deep and stay safe.

[Checkmate123 in reply to Miccoman]

Thank you, Miccoman! I am, also, very happy to hear that you've proven your doctors wrong. Your story is very encouraging and it will motivate me to stay positive. Thank you!

[michael42301]

Welcome. Sorry you're here, but we'll do our best to help.

[Checkmate123]

Hello, Michael! Responding and expressing your support is very important to me. Thank you.

[billy1950]

Checkmate...welcome!

I was diagnosed in 2004 @54...now age 70.

As of today never had 𝖠𝖣𝖳...the urologist and oncologist are both watching my PSA , am I, too (lol). There are some unique issues for gay men with PCa...for me , in not having a partner, there is not a lot of stress in my life today! Have had some dates occasionally...

There are a lot more treatment options today than 15 years ago...be aware of the side effects and see what you are willing (reluctantly or not) to accept. I went with radiation (8 weeks) w/o the seeds. Seeds were not recommended since my GLeason score was 6 with a psa of 6.9...the PSA has been around 1.0 or so for a couple of years...the docs are OK with that!

The main reason i went for radiation back in 2004 was i had more confidence with what the Radiologist was telling me. He had spent over an hour with my brother and me explaining everything in detail. If you can bring someone with you and compare notes afterwards...

I also had people who knew guys who had PCa treatments...i talked with some on the phone! Very helpful to have listened to their stories!

I’m glad to help anytime...

The best to you,

Billy

[JRPnSD]

Hi...and welcome to gay PCa :). One area to check is your local LGBT Ctr. for a PCa Support Group. We have a very active group (now meeting via zoom 2x a month). Though there is also support larger general San Diego PCa support group that is much more help on the technical side, the gay support group is much smaller(10-12 attendees vs 100-150) than the general group and easier to make connections to share the scary and emotional side of things. Both have been a big help to me. Wishing you all the best in your journey. Feel free to touch base anytime. My journey is in my profile.