Why do I so alone?: My name is Hera... - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

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Why do I so alone?

Herababy profile image
21 Replies

My name is Hera Amin. I’m 25 year old and I attend college. Here is my story. I have never been in love with a guy. I have had crushes on guys and when I told them about it, I got turned down flat out, makes me think there is something not right with me. I mean I just want to be loved, how hard can that be? I feel so alone. It breaks my heart.

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Herababy profile image
Herababy
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21 Replies
daveh121 profile image
daveh121

Wow. Before I met my wife I would have been thrilled to have someone tell me they have crush on me. Well, I guess I still would be but I do love my wife.

It’s not you for sure but the changes in our society I think.

After we decided to get married my wife said she went home and told her friends that she found the person she would marry. This happened when we met for the first time.

It’s a hard time these days for our younger generation it seems to develop a relationship. My niece had many difficulties and heartbreaks before she got married.

Someone will fall into your lap when you least expect it and are not looking for it.

When it does let us know so we can be happy about it with you.

Herababy profile image
Herababy in reply to daveh121

Aww, I hope so. Cuz I have been feeling so alone it makes me cry all the time.

bobbybobb profile image
bobbybobbAmbassador

Hi there, there is a song, you might not know it, its by a UK artist, Phil Collins, You Can't Hurry Love, you just gotta wait. This is probably very true. When you look at it,if you get turn down, it's because the other person doesn't share the same feelings, so, they are not the right person for you. One day the right person will come along when you least expect it. 😊🌻

Herababy profile image
Herababy in reply to bobbybobb

Thank u so much. I do hope so. Cuz I feel guys are intimidated by me or my job

Herababy profile image
Herababy in reply to bobbybobb

Thank u so much. I do hope so. Cuz I feel guys are intimidated by me or my job

in reply to bobbybobb

Many years ago I cried tears of jealousy to that song as it appeared everyone I knew was getting married and I wasn't!

It's a great song and it's right in what they are saying.

I did get married eventually but I had to wait like the song said!

I think we all get times when we feel left out though.

bobbybobb profile image
bobbybobbAmbassador in reply to

You are so right, there will be times throughout our lives when we will feel like this. 👍😊

in reply to bobbybobb

When I worked in a call centre years ago the line manager there had cried in front of everyone after she had found out her friend was pregnant and she had just had a miscarriage and I had comforted her saying how it's always a blow when you want something really badly and can't have it and how of course she was glad for her friend and wouldn't have wished her harm but was sad for herself and how we all get times we feel like that.

Anyway she did have a little boy after all that who is 14 now!

daveh121 profile image
daveh121 in reply to bobbybobb

That’s it exactly!

Hi Emmanuella234, So sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I think sometimes when we want something desperately, it just seems to fly further away, like a butterfly. The more we try to catch it, the more beautiful but unattainable it seems.

But love's not the be-all and end-all of life. Being in love is heady and sweet initially, but that feeling can't last for long. We all crave it, but real love is something much deeper that develops (or doesn't), over a long period of time. And it's more like a lovely companionship than passion.

So don't rush after it. It doesn't always work out well. Let it come to you and be open to it when it does. That doesn't imply that you have to sit back and let someone choose you. But when it's real both people have the same feeling.

Wishing you luck in love, but meantime don't waste your life being unhappy. Enjoy the other friendships you already have and relax. One day it will be your turn to be in love. 🙏😊

in reply to

Many years ago I cried tears of jealousy whenever someone I knew was getting married because I wasn't and one of my friends said how crying does you good and how it doesn't harm anyone and how it's natural to feel jealous as it shows you want the same for yourself.

I did get married eventually but if course I had to have waited though!

Afrohair profile image
Afrohair

From my own experience relationships aren’t easy they are very hard you should enjoy your single life while you can !travel the world meet new people and study before you know it children will come im 34 and all I know is relationships I really feel like at some point I need to rest and think about myself I’ve been in relationship after relationship since I was 19 I’ve never stopped having relationships.had my first son then and went on to have more children now nearly 4 I really want to see the world but it’s much harder for me now please enjoy it while it lasts and you will meet someone whilst you enjoy

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54

Hi I think the key words here you telling them you have a crush on them. In my experience men can get scared easily and back away.

It's better to expand your social life so you meet as many people as possible and get to know more men as friends first. Go slowly and don't rush things. It's a strange fact that when you aren't looking for love that's when you are most likely to find it.

Herababy profile image
Herababy in reply to hypercat54

Thanks. I believe I can do that. I mean I’m not in a hurry. I just sometimes feel alone

daveh121 profile image
daveh121 in reply to hypercat54

That’s true.

There is also the thing about commitments that scare people for some reason.

Maybe it means the have to be responsible?

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54 in reply to daveh121

Or maybe they are still playing the field and not looking for serious relationships?

RoadRunner44 profile image
RoadRunner44

I completely agree with Hypercat. Relationships take time and need time to develop. It may start with an attraction but may or may not develop any further. It's what is called...'getting to know you' . Its a period of time to find out about a person, their interests, thoughts, beliefs, humour are all important. That's when each party begins to realize what is important to them and if the relationship could go further. Don't be in a rush, enjoy life and friendships and, let things happen naturally.

Xxx

SORRELHIPPO profile image
SORRELHIPPOReading Rabbits

I did not meet the man I married until I was 33, as others have said, use your time to travel, join clubs and have a bit of fun, life with a husband and children does limit life a bit. Do things like volunteering, activities where you can meet many different people.

Herababy profile image
Herababy in reply to SORRELHIPPO

Thanks. I would do just that. I just wanted to be sure I wasn’t doing all this wrong or something

Bingo88 profile image
Bingo88

Hello Emmanuella234. I understand what you say I think we have all felt alone and that nobody wants us at sometimes in our lives I was single till in my 30s. Due to low confidence in chatting the Ladies up Only got married for the 1st time on my 50th birthday But sadly over time you can grow apart and want different things in retirement Which is a problem we presently have Life is not a bed of roses as Bonjovi Sang. Take time to find the right 1. Plenty of users with only 1 motive in life these days Sadly Take care Your still young. Try to make social friends with college friends for nights out and chats Stay safe xx Brian

in reply to Bingo88

I got married over 40 and so did lots of others I know and no the sky didn't fall in!

Yet again its another part of life that's beyond our control who likes us and who doesn't and all we can do is meet lots of other people and try our best.

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