Coping with Easter alone: Today is Good... - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

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Coping with Easter alone

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

Today is Good Friday a poignant reminder of the suffering and his self sacrifice until the resurrection,

In my own little way I am trying to cope , I live by myself and a friend reminded me that he has job, a loving family and a home

This made me feel sad to remind me of what is missing in my own life

I think given the impact of the virus , it is important to be sensitive to the plight of others

I also have realised that as much as I try , my Mother expects me to resolve all her worries and anxieties

As I said I try to cope as best as I can but we should be patient to believe there will be a new dawn for us

60 Replies

I hear you. Hugs.

As someone who has lived alone and is now a carer for someone terminally ill, without friends or family, I appreciate your situation.

Sending love at this difficult time, for you and for many of us 🧡

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to TRST

May God grant you peace and grace at this most difficult time and reward you for the boundless kindness you show in your role as a carer.

ShelWhitt profile image
ShelWhitt in reply to TRST

So sorry things are so difficult for you. I think we are all finding things really tough at the moment in all sorts of ways. My anxiety is playing up , I am not sleeping very well and when I do am having horrendous nightmares. DH has dementia, COPD and other medical problems. I have fibro. (flaring, plus I have had a cough for 3 weeks, which is worrying) , am hypothyroid plus other stuff, and being cooped up 24/7 is very stressfiul. Limited conversation; endless questions; very little contact from 2 daughters, although one does help with shopping. I am lucky in that I do have had contact with a few friends by phone and on facebook, but it is not easy. Knowing others are having a bad time too, sometimes does help. Certainly, it can be more comforting than hearing how well others are doing, How many friends they have; how much help they are getting, etc. all the time. At the moment the grass is not always greener on other side, for anyone. Sending hugs Stay safe. xx

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to ShelWhitt

Thank you for your kind and understanding reply

I think we must learn to realise we all have cross to bear

TRST profile image
TRST in reply to ShelWhitt

My thoughts are with you. This lockdown and virus has hit us all in strange ways and it's not always possible to see the effect it's having on us when we're in the thick of it.

I am OK with isolation etc, but fighting for food, having online deliveries cancelled, trying to get the correct meds etc has reduced me to tears these last two weeks.

My day was brightened by someone I don't know very well phoning me out of the blue this morning to ask if I needed anything. It totally lifted my spirits to think that someone out there cares :) It's the little things that are so important at times like this, I think.

I am in touch with an elderly man who I know is lonely. His cat is unwell and made worse by the BBC telling us that cats can spread Covid. He said his son had done some shopping for him but he was craving 'treats'. I said I would make some for him and figure a way of taking them over. It's a time for taking nothing for granted and being grateful for all we have and can do.

ShelWhitt profile image
ShelWhitt in reply to TRST

How kind of you to help make someone else happy. It is true, the little things at this time mean an awful lot. It doesn't costs anything to be kind. Take care. xx

Hidden profile image
Hidden in reply to ShelWhitt

It hurts doesn't it when others shove in your face how well they are supposedly doing and you are feeling low in yourself.

As long as you know in your heart that you are doing your very best in these trying circumstances then that's all that matters really.

I know it's the fact that all that fighting for food was unnecessary is what upsets people rather than if there was a genuine shortage you do understand but it's hard to take when these things are caused by others being selfish and leaving the less fortunate to go without.

That was nice getting that phone call out of the blue though.

I never take anything for granted nowadays after I had blood clots in my lungs back in 2017.

All the best to you.

Hi Roukaya,

Don’t let your friend get you down. He didn’t mean to upset you. He probably had other things going on and didn’t think about what he was saying at the time. It’s not anyone’s fault.😀👍

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Activity2004

Thank you

I hope you are safe and well

I expect I am far to sensitive

How are you

How will you spend Easter

Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004 in reply to Roukaya

You’re not ‘far to’ sensitive. You have a fantastic personality and a good heart. Don’t forget that.😀👍

I’m here at my house and doing good. It’s a sunny day here now.

For Easter, I will be here on the groups and do some reading. 😀👍

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Activity2004

You always have a kind word to say

Thank you

Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004 in reply to Roukaya

You’re welcome!😀👍

I sent a message to you earlier this afternoon. It’s okay. Please check.😀👍

Hidden profile image
Hidden in reply to Activity2004

Often it's the case that people don't think before they speak and that some things can hurt and things always feel worse when you are feeling low in yourself than they would be normally.

Hidden profile image
Hidden

Hi Roukaya, try and look on the positive side, you obviously have a home, there are people sleeping rough tonight, enough food to eat, there are many who are starving, you have your health, while there are many lying in a hospital bed right now, you obviously have friends , as jerry said the grass is always greener on the other side and you are such a caring person , looking after your Mum and Dad , it’s time to care for yourself now, you are strong, you can do this., and as you say yourself be patient there is a new dawn coming for us all, take care

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Hidden

Very kind and compassionate words

I hope you are well

This is such a lifeline for those who are alone

I am always indebted to those who have a kind word to say

I wish you a peaceful Easter

Thank you for your very kind words

Beautifully written

I wish you a peaceful Easter

bobbybobb profile image
bobbybobbAmbassador

Even though you felt a little sad at what your friend said, you have an abundance of compassion and good will towards others, so I'm sure you are at peace your friend is happy and settled. Also, as Jerry said, the grass is not always greener. I always say If you have a roof over your head and a cracker in the cupboard, you have all the riches you need. Try to think about the positives in your life over Easter and concentrate on them. I think you are coping admirably and I think you might be right about a new dawn. xx

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to bobbybobb

Thank you for your kind reply.

It is important to appreciate what we have and to build on what we have

This a a very testing time for us all and it can either bring the best in us or the worst given the panic buying.

I have always appreciated the lessons learnt through struggle and no doubt we are being tested in every sense.

Hello - I am sorry you are feeling sad. I live alone too so can understand. We all feel sad at times and that’s ok, we are allowed to go to our sad place - but don’t unpack there! I have to admit that at the start of this crisis I found myself thinking about the impact on me having to stay home for 3 months. What I didn’t consider in the early days was the impact on my two daughters who are key workers in London, I am in Leicester, they were shattered that they couldn’t travel to see me, but we now actually speak to each other more since this lockdown than we ever had!

I have created a routine for myself and fill my days with things to do which has helped me cope. My highlight this week though was managing to get a food delivery slot 😂😂 no idea how happy I was as I can’t go out shopping!

There are also many on line things to do and watch - Jane Eyre last night was great and my local theatre are streaming things on line too.

Try to stay strong and positive, this will pass and I hope we can become a better society at the end and continue the fantastic community spirit that has emerged in the face of this national emergency xx

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Elt79

Thank you for your kind words

I hope your Easter going well.

I appreciate your kind words of understanding

I think 🤔 it is a time to reflect on our lives and to appreciate what we actually have instead of what we do not have

By this I can avoid going to the sad place,

As also Jesus from the depths of despair wad resurrected to symbolise new hope and renewal

Amen Sister We must thank God for provision, and all of the things we take/took for granted.

Stub007 profile image
Stub007 in reply to Elt79

To plan and fill your day with satisfying activities is vital. That leaves no space for negativity. Go for it!

Roukaya, as for Holy Week and our isolation due to the pandemic or for other reasons, it is comforting for me to remember the eighth letter of the Epistle of St. Paul to the Romans: Nothing can ever separate us from the love of God through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He is with you, as am I, and as we all are. Right beside you. You are not alone.

Blessings, Stub007

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Stub007

Thank you for your timely reminder

As a Muslim we also believe watches all that we do and is a merciful God

Stub007 profile image
Stub007 in reply to Roukaya

I had forgot, but, yes, I am with you: We have the one God, and in that we are together. Bless you, Roukaya!

Very uplifting words for 🐣

Thank you

Bless you, keep safe xx

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to MydogBrandy

Thank you 😊

I am wishing you well Roukaya...I would love to get outside more just being there makes most people feel better but I have no yard, just pavement and no place to sit. Are you able to garden or sit outside?

My saving grace has been my blog that I review mysteries on...once I have committed to a Publisher to read the book I feel its a job contract in a way...and a page I committed to run on FB. Keeping busy is the thing...and realizing a lot of us live alone. Sending you my best...

Roukaya, I was listening to Rick Warren yesterday, and he reminded us that the Disciples also were in isolation and anxiety and fear following the crucifixion. It seemed to put my own situation of isolation into a better perspective for me. There will be a new dawn!

I’ve been trying to find interesting ways to reach out other than phone, texts, etc. and have taken to sending handwritten notes and cards to friends and neighbors. They may not reciprocate, but you never now how this isolation may be for them and that may just be the “boost” they need.

Sending warm hugs for peace in your heart and mind and soul,

Very kind words

I am very isolated in the block of flats where I live

It is a mix of owners and social housing tenants

I think more than ever such imposed isolation will have the impact for us to see what is essential for our well being and to aim for that

I my case I live in a flat but if I am able to pass the Diploma in Wills and Probate and find a years work experience I would be able to qualify as a Licensed Probate Practitioner

This is the theory but due to personal problems and my own mental health I have struggled to pass

If by Gods grace I make it through, I would sell the flat and buy a small home with a garden

This is the only way I see coming out of this flat

I hope you are well

Thank you for replying

Hidden profile image
Hidden

As long as you know you are doing your very best then that's all that matters!

It does hurt though when you see others experiencing what you should have had but sadly lost out on.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Hidden

I will write in reply

I believe you will only have in life what is meant for you

I have decided that I will not speak to that person who in my view was bragging about how well he has done in life.

As what you say I have lost out on

All my life people have told me what I should have become etc

You have said What I have lost out on

What about those dying in mass from the Global Pandemic

This virus is merciless

These innocent lives have died

They have lost their life

These are the ones who have lost out

Sadly it may appear that I am a loser and this is why I have decided to keep trying

I grew up in a household of Domestic Violence

I hardly call that a marriage so in my view given my own horrendous childhood even at fifty I shall wonder lonely as I am if marriage is even for me

Stub007 profile image
Stub007 in reply to Roukaya

God does not make junk ( although sometimes we seem to work to make ourselves so), and within you lies the means to happiness. God will bless you in this way, dear Roukaya.

Hello Roukaya

I doubt that you will be able to relieve your mother's worries and anxieties, but you are some measure of comfort to her. By helping her, you are helping yourself.

Sometime when one has to explain how bad one thinks something is, one realizes that it is not all that bad. Blessings, you are not alone.

There will be what will seem very different way of life when this is over someday. Mom used to live with me, but decided to go back to closer where she is from. I cannot see her due to her her other children making threats to me.

I made decision that's her choice, o after making hard decisions for her, now shes left with the selfish children.

That's being totally alone, no family near, no children due to health, too old now.

BUT, dont make yourself ill because of your mom or anyone else. Ue help, but try giving her some options to decide for herself to either take your advice or not.

If anyone else can help, let them or get in touch withpeople, eg ageuk, local councils, mind if its this ilk.

Stay strong & have a happy Easter.. Im going to enjoy watching kids tomorrow am, doing easter egg hunt in their own gardens.

Simple pleasures. Take care xxx

Hi Roukaya,

So sorry you were feeling sad again. It's hard not to compare when someone else mentions their seemingly better situation. You continue to cope really well, given that you are in a lonely situation and far from your family. It's a real challenge to be overcome, but I know that you do try, every day and you are always so reflective and also glad for the companionship you gain from the Positive Wellbeing community. So keep on being as strong as you have been. You are doing a great job in very trying circumstances. Be kind to yourself. 💐

I learned a lesson a long time ago when my kids all left the nest. I found that my solitude was peaceful and serene. I've held onto that feeling now for a couple of decades and really enjoy it.

When the holidays and holy days came around, I decided to spend that time with Jesus.

For example, on Christmas, I would volunteer to do some work in the company office. I would sort and label mailers that needed to be sent out. I'd sing Happy Birthday to Jesus. And when I was sorting and labeling I'd invite Jesus to have some fun doing those things with me. It was heart-felt gratifying to do my work. Not mundane at all. I really could feel that I was sharing this time with my best friend.

I even do it while I'm alone at home. For example, when I want a cup of coffee, I ask Jesus how much sweetener to put in the coffee. And ask him how he's enjoying the cup.

When I cook anything I ask him if he thinks I should put this or that in the pot.

It's a lot of fun. It's an enjoyable way to remember that the Lord is truly with us. I am never alone.

Here's hoping that all of you can find peace and joy in your isolation. Remember that it won't be forever. This is just a bump in the road, and a time we can focus on our Creator. He has feelings, too. He knew how Jesus suffered on the Cross, and Jesus turned to the Father in his worst agony. He knows how we are feeling now and shares our sadness. I like to turn to the Father with a smile and say "I only have myself and maybe a few others to be concerned about. You are concerned about us all!! My burden is tiny, Holy Father, compared to yours. If I can give you a smile to lighten Your burden in these days, then I will. Thank you for loving me and us all."

Roukaya i will be praying for you. i have been alone, no relatives near, didn't even grow up with real family , for decades- discouraged that my prayers for a husband go unanswered. i've spent many Christmases, Easters thanksgivings all alone crying and praying. But you know what , i feel good now . still alone- but i feel Jesus' Presence. it's actually a long story i won't bore you with,but i want you to know i pray this for you. i've always had my faith but i haven't always felt Him- i heard that even Mother Theresa didn't always feel Him, as sometimes we do walk in the valley of the shadow of death, in our faith journeys. Jesus is always with us, even when we don't feel Him,but i pray that you will especially feel Him now, that His Peace and the Joy of His Resurrection fill you. God bless

focused1 profile image
focused1Reading Rabbits

Although you may think that your Mum expects you to be there - hopefully to ease her problems she obviously knows that you are there for her and for you to help her then you need to stay strong too . You must be giving her sound advise as she keeps coming back for more . If you are studying aged 50 then you have another 17 years before - aged 67 you can draw a state pension . I thought - aged 58 I was too old to change jobs - amazingly I wasn't so I admire you studying and trying to plan for a brighter future . You said earlier that you believe that you will only get in life what is meant for you ....well you can make it .

Marriage - my sister has a brilliant life being single . She works , drives , goes on holiday , has bought her own home and is convinced a partner would - for her ruin her way of life , her ideas , her timetable .

Your faith clearly means a lot . I know for me this isolation has made me reflect and think how I could develop myself as a person. Do you have time in the future to help in a faith based group or a charity that the church supports as you clearly have a lot of compassion that could be channelled ?

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to focused1

Thank you for reply

But my Mother is becoming a demanding little child

I am fifty and I have looked after my Father until he died two years ago

I have been struggling but my Mother is someone who puts her own interests first and thus she made very clear when she had her make friend

In the end when he became abusive I stood up to him now she is on her own

She expects me to solve her life but given her ungrateful attitude and bad temper it is best I live away from her and I have learnt to realise she can manage by herself given how she expects me to be her dog

I am tired mentally and this Lock Down has taught me what is important

Thank you for answering

focused1 profile image
focused1Reading Rabbits in reply to Roukaya

I agree that this lockdown has given the majority of us time to think - not always the right way . When read comments about elderly parents there are a lot of people with the same thoughts as you and me - when my Mum was alive . As she became older she lost more confidence . I got very used to her needs as she had to always come first due to severe mental illness but I used to wonder how much of that was the illness and how much was her very controlling personality but now she has gone - I miss her . Shopping for her birthday , buying her a little cheap trinket whilst I was out but I had very similar feelings to you before she died .

I guess your Mum is lonely , a bit bitter and thoughts of not trusting many round her as she might only hear the nasty stories and take that approach being on her own . She is not unique in this and maybe she only trusts you . This can be very difficult for you as it was for me . It doesn't make it any better for you but understanding why might .

Can you get any support / help for her ? Even something less obvious like a cleaner/ shopper would give her human contact , a lunch club - maybe contact now and set up for later . Anything to take that 100% focus off you .

You could then focus more on you . Studying will be easier with a clearer mind and you are very caring and although angry - the why me ....is hard to shake off without a bit of support from other people and once you try and get that for your Mum then I feel you will start to feel better because currently you are taking it all . It is too much for anybody to cope with .

50 is young . I am 60 and I don't feel old . At 54 I was ill .It took illness to shake me up .I lost weight , changed jobs , joined a gym , started learning a new language , found a walking group , met new people for coffee - found a new me .Not all at once but small steps . I was a Mum to 5 demanding sons and a traditional husband .This had to stop .

You can do this. You have started studying . Let this be a trigger . Don't give up . Write down your feelings even send your Mum a carefully worded letter to clear your head .

Put yourself first and explain to your Mum that you are as important as her and you are young enough to get that career , get that mortgage and get that life you want and so badly need .

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to focused1

Dear Focused 1

Thank you for such a clearly worded answer,

I hope your Easter is going well

I have read your reply with great interest and it is a very thoughtful reply.

The Lock Down has taught us in life what is important

As we see the beginning of Easter is should be time of renewal and hope

I have visited Lourdes a few times and I have seen how many pray for healing

It also saddens me to see the immense loss of life and also I have great respect for the heroic efforts of the NHS

I have marginally failed the exams three times due to a head which is agitated and mentally tired

I am aware of this

I hope you continue to strive forward with your hopes and aspirations

Thank you for your Easter Message of hope and faith

focused1 profile image
focused1Reading Rabbits in reply to Roukaya

Love the word marginally ...you are a tryer ...you can do this . Proud of you .

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to focused1

Thank you for your very kind words

I have just watched the speech of the Pope he is instrumental to give peace , hope and courage in adversity

A true man of God

Thank you

Easter Blessings to you

Yes we do have to be patient unfortunately - I guess everyone was rather hoping that the restrictions were going o be lifted when announcement was to be made after the 3 weeks but no such joy

Thank god the weather was warm I sat out in the sun with my music & sunhat as a temporary escapism

What was the songs you listened to earlier today?😀👍

80s stuff on my ipod - its the only era i like -the year of DECENT MUSIC!!!!!! i wouldnt put any other era on it -

That’s great! What is your favorite song from the 80’s?

There were many really - but I fancied Marilyn -so my favourite song was Calling your Name & I was a big Thompson Twins fan & fancied Tom Bailey so my favourite TT song was Love on your side- Ive seen him live too & still he is gorgeous

That’s fantastic! Did you get an autograph signed?😀👍

sadly no because I was with my mum when I went to see him at Manchester Evening News Arena & she wouldnt hang around because the weather was too cold

If I'd gone with a friend I would definitely find a way to get a selfie & or autograph

Awe! I went to a Willie Nelson/Leanne Wormack concert and got a signed CD.😀👍

wow what year in the 80s did you go-Is Willie Nelson still alive?

The concert was after the 80’s. Willie Nelson is still around.😀👍

wow - Willie must be in his 70s then -maybe older

Maybe, but not sure.😀👍

Well in my spare time I ran the village youth club! I listened to so much then but I loved Sweet Dreams Eurythmics kids were very into Michael Jackson Beat It I think? Oh and Madonna was played a lot - in fact looking back I think the 80s music was great😊x

Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004 in reply to Elt79

I was born in 80!😀👍

Well you were born into a great decade for music!! xx

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