Lonely but not alone

Hello,

I think I have a strange habit that's after becoming more pronounced since the start of self-isolation. I have friends and I live with another person but I feel alone. The habit I think I have is putting on a grumpy persona that just isn't fun to be around. I don't know why I do this but it happens when friends call for a chat across the front gate or a Zoom invite gets sent around.

I'm a positive, upbeat person but this persona is the opposite and feels exactly like when someone you know invites you to a party at the weekend but your gut reaction is to turn them down and say your busy, even though you've got no plans at all. You want to reach out and say 'yes, I'll go' but you just can't and now you've got this strange gloomy feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Does this ring a bell with anyone? I want to engage and have fun but why do I turn into a scolded toddler when I'm on a Zoom call with my friends?