relishonships & endo ..

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This is such a hard time in life and i thinki bringing my boyfriend with me were always fighting and it will more n likley always relate back to sex , i could go into depth but i only upset my self i just dont no what to do about it i feel im runing his yong years of experamenting im stuck here in my body with pain not him and i feel im bringing him down wev been together to years and when he talks about that he would reffer it to two years of soulotude i feel i get my illness threw back at me in away because i dont want him this way i dont want to fight about what gets me down daily i dont like haven this buren that he feels like a priest going out with me every day i feel anxsis noshis and uneasy because im always thinkin of the question of sex or what hes thinking because we cant have it i think im doing us both more harm than good causeing more n more stress n strain and he didnt really no me with out endo and each time i here the judgemental remarks on things and i think thats not me this isnt me why dosethis keep happing

[LookingForHealth]

I can really sympathise as for years for me sex has been too painful (though in my case the cause is different). Can I suggest something? It sounds as if you have such a lot of confusion and unhappiness in your life that you need to find a way out of feeling so stressed and desperate. I can relate to this! Whatever your physical condition, and whatever you are doing to try to find answers and treatments, you need to be calm and relaxed enough to be able to manage your life. I found a book last year that helped me enormously, called 'Living Well with Pain and Illness' by Vidymala Burch. I have had chronic illness for many years and had never been so helped by anything than this book.

As far as your relationship with your boyfriend goes, maybe for now the most important thing for you to do is to find ways of enjoying sex and physical intimacy that you can do and that aren't painful for you, rather than getting really upset and stressed about the things you can't? Maybe you can find all sorts of ways of expressing physical love and giving each other pleasure, agreeing that for the moment, certain things just have to be off the menu. I found that knowing this was understood and accepted by both made everything a lot easier for me. It doesn't mean that you will never be able to do all that you both want to - it just takes the pressure off both of you for the time being and may help you to stop feeling guilty, which you shouldn't. None of this is your fault. Until you can feel relaxed and trusting of each other over this, it's going to go on causing you stress, on top of the pain and stress of your condition.

I do hope you find some relief, some peace, and a better way of being. My best wishes.

[pelvicmessenger]

This is something so many many women and men who suffer from pelvic pain conditions all symphathise with....its a delicate matter.

For me personally, my husband and I found that Tantric Sex is something that is very sensual and easy to do to keep the romance alive while dealing with the ever looming pelvic pain issues...

I would like to invite you to listen to what I consider to the the BEST show I have on this subject

blogtalkradio.com/pelvicmes...

Simply scroll through the archives until you see the show where Dr. Heather Howard is the guest

Dr. Heather Howard is an EXPERT in sexual pain issues in relationships because of pelvic pain conditions- can't get a better person out there to listen to speak on these problems

She offers REAL advice and help

Do yourself a huge favor and listen to this show Also a great book to read and I also have had on both authors is "healing painful sex" by Dr. Deborah Coady and nancy FIsh

again- both of those interviews are in the archives of the show as well

Good luck and know you are not alone...

Elisabeth Oas, The Pelvic Messenger

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Lookingforhealth!!_Thankyou so much for your answer truthfully i already feel abit calmer after reading it, i do take these thing into account and we do try otherways but i feel they go un noticed in his eyes, i only feel this way because he dosnt understand the effort i put into put my self out there atm its my own falt i feel these ways because my confidence is so low i must pitty my self. Ithink. Im going to save and get the book i need to have something pointing me in the right direction i dont want this to ruin us hes a lovly guy and im putting him through the desase and in a way hes nevis to ask me about intercourse now i feel such an ass! i hope that i can find away and not let this ruin something good. thankyou so much for your reply it has me thinking abit clearer

[Manwpelvicpain in reply to gone]

I hope you were able to work it out with your boyfriend. My wife never believed that I had it and left me. Her and my psychiatrist thought it was all in my head, which made me think I was completely crazy for feeling the excruciating pain I was going through. Chronic pelvic pain is so misunderstood by the public and medical community that not too many people give a $@!# unless they are too victims of it's nasty grip. I'm only mid way through my life and completely on my own now (very scary and lonely at times), and now faced with having to live with this the rest of my life. Any kind of sexual activity puts me in extreme pain again. I pleasured myself and started hurting 2 days later again after 4 months of no pain finally. I hate myself for even trying to relieve some sexual tension. It ended up causing my chronic pelvic tension to get bad again. It is a never ending cycle of hell and the ones we are close to, family and friends, and we are supposed to count on for the answers, doctors, don't care or don't have the answers to help us. It creates a cycle and ever going circle of depression and feelings of total abandonment. It is a horrible way for anyone to humanely have to live their lives. I have family and friends who would contact me at least once a week that never contact me anymore, even though I am suffering so much and need them more than ever. It is sad to say and a real reflection of our society when you see how many chronic pain sufferers are going through the some of the same abandonment by friends, family, and modern medicine. Life can really turn ugly on no time at all with this ugly thing we call chronic pain. It is especially harder for those of us without the family and friend support we really do need to keep us moving forward with the fight. I'm mid way through my life now, rarely see my son, my wife left me, and part of my family and friends don't want to deal with it. I am truly left to myself now. I'm still not over my wife and son situation and it has been more than 9 months of separation, but even if I was, what woman would have me? I'm in chronic pain all the time and even more after sexual arousal. That is one thing not a lot of people talk about I have found with chronic pain. A lot of us have to also face the fact that we might be spending the rest of our lives alone too because of it. Now I completely understand why suicidal thoughts are so high among those who suffer so much from this evil thrust upon us. I pray that everyone gets through this with their own sanity and their families still in tact. I don't know how much more I can take of of this anymore. My pain has now migrated to include my upper abdominals. There is never any stoppage of fun with chronic pain.

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Elisabeth thank you so much for your reply i will go on to blogradio right away i appricate youre kindness helping me and hopefuly i will soon understand this all . Thankyou for your advice it means so much to me, im glad i found this website and you nice people to realise that im not alone and there is help out there <3