Does chronic pain and numbness ever go away? Feeling really helpless right now. Every month there's ups and downs but then the downs come back and just "erased" the progress. Is this it? Is this what retirement is like when you have chronic pain?
What we're dealing with:
1) Herniated discs in neck & lower back
2) Tight muscles everywhere
3) Sciatica pain
4) Cervical and lumbar radiculopathy
5) muscle weakness
6) swelling ankles and feet
Dad is depressed and unmotivated to take care of himself. To him, seeing multiple docs a nuisance, therefore delaying treatment speed (we still need to start CPAP therapy for his sleep apnea, see the cardiologist, and professional PT/strengthen regimen (we're doing exercises at home and he does them by himself too, but when I'm go back home to check in on him, he’s slumped over again and in pain, aka the progress seen when I was up there is gone and need to reset. Iv3 lost track of how many t8mes we resetted.)).
Treatments that worked so far in the past 3 months:
1) Seeing Chiro weekly for muscle stretching (no spine adjustments, although I wish they did even minor ones for him bc he's so stiff and his joints are tight and I know the relief those adjustments bring.)
2) Reducing meds that zombify him
3) Mirtazapine for appetite
4) Cervical steroid epidural injection
5) Trigger point injection for left QL muscle
No, surgery’s not necessary or allowed. Seen by neuro and orthopedic surgeon already. Stronger pain meds just zombifies him. He loses weight fast when he's in pain, but thankfully he gained 15lbs in the last 2 months after seeing Chiro and the degree of pain is less than before but it still lingers, so he's still moving slow.
Back pain started in 2012, but everything started getting worse and worse since 2019. I've been the primary emotional care giver, translator, and admin for everything. I'm not the only child, but it is what it is. I can't quit nor give up like others. But I feel like I’m at my limit now. I want to breakdown because I fear I really have no choice in what the future of my life will be. It's been all about dad.
What else can I do? Is this what life ends up being? I honestly don’t remember what life was like before all of this or how I even had a life seeing how isolated I am now.
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Vidyamala Burch is a mindfulness teacher who lives with chronic pain. I found her online course very helpful. She will come up on Google.Don’t forget to be kind to yourself. I cared for my Dad and know how tough it can be. Sending best wishes and compassion
You sound like an amazing daughter to do all that. But also, it sounds like you are about to burn out yourself which won't be good for anyone.
Healthunlocked is actually a UK company so many of the people here will know about what works in the UK, whereas I see you are in the United States?
So over here I would recommend that people contact their GP surgery and asked to speak to the social prescriber, but that won't work in the US.
It does sound however that he needs some support with the psychosocial aspect of his life, rather than a physical treatment. The chiropractic stuff has helped which is good, but maybe it is time to see if there is something in his community, a volunteering opportunity, or maybe he could join a Men's Shed? That could give him some companionship and that will make him feel better too.
And it sounds like you could do with some support yourself too. Having some support will make it easier to support him.
I hope you can work something out that works for both of you. Good luck!
The PCP was thinking of testing for cancer. So stupid. There is no cancer. It's the pain from the herniated discs causing all the issues damn it.
Your father's situation sounds like a mirror of my own. For me, the quick answer to your first question is a resounding NO! It only seems to get worse. Don't know about your father but I lived a very active life and put my body through a lot. I just tested for RA and don't have that so I must just have severe osteoarthritis. I see a pain doctor every few months and get the shots and RFAs along with painkillers. Is he taking a stain? They are known to cause muscle weakness. For his back, lay him on his stomach at the bottom of the bed. Put the palm of your hand directly on the lower spine, press down then rub back and forth vigorously. You may hear some crunches and that will relieve the pressure on the sciatica nerves.
Oh man. When was it the worse for you? How are you doing now? I hope your situation is fairly well managed than my father's case. It sounds like you've had the right support. I hope you didn't need to go to too many different doctors throughout your care to get the severe osteoarthritis diagnosis. Is that smthg a Pain doctor would diagnose or the Rheumatologist?
My father was fairly active too before retiring in 2013 - biking, park, he was a chef before retirement and would be on his feet a lot, but I think the chef posture might've contributed to the shoulder and neck stiffness. Lockdown definitely caused muscle weakness and atrophy and increased bad posture since he wasn't able to go out and home has limited space.. (we live in the city).
A statin is used for lowering cholesterol. Every one that my sister has tried caused her legs to collapse under her. It affects some more than others. If I told my GP about joint pain, I'm sure he said it's arthritis. When I started going to the pain doctor, she had me get an X-ray and an MRI. Both of those showed severe degeneration which basically is arthritis. My history is actually a lot worse. Autoimmune disease in 2017 (Vasculitis) which caused kidney failure. Dialysis for a year. Severe weakness for several years and still not much strength anymore. I've got neuropathy in both feet and it feels like someone dropped a lead weight on them. Feels like every bone is crushed. The pain doctor has prescribed Hydrocodone for me. I get 10 mg pills which I break in half. Take 5 mg in the morning and the other 5 in the evening. Due to the kidney disease, I can't take NSAIDS (Ibuprofen, etc...) any longer as they are bad for kidneys. At 71, I still manage to get some of my around the house projects done but then I have to take a day or two of rest.
Thank you, its nice to hear from the families point of view for a change. Do you realise you can ask for help to maintain your health as a sole carer. i.e things to help your dad that might make it easy for you. plus possible respite care to ease your load and give you a break if only for a couple of hours. Sadly Chronic pain does not stop as we get older and often does impair mobility if left . A massage chair although dear can help the stiff joints, I am told Sauna s help too . There are massage mats now which are much cheaper than chairs or beds . I suffer chronic pain and find you need more than just painkillers so maybe there is something out there that might help your dad and make you able to have a little more me time. Best wishes to you both.
Thanks for your reply Katie! So sorry to hear you're suffering from chronic pain 😔. Is anyone helping you manage your case?
Thanks for recognizing that the carer's POV is helpful. I'm just the daughter and not "licensed" or a home health aid professional. After taking on this responsibility since 2019, I've seen realized there's a huge gap in knowing if we're doing a good job, going in the right direction, or as a caregiver, which professionals can actually help us. I've scouted for many specialists and sometimes I feel like I need to take the blame bc I put my trust in the wrong people earlier on since their treatments (basically just stronger pain meds) didn't do anything to help. And then I take on the brunt of the complaints on between appointments and have to adjust to reset care again and again. Of course, no one prepares you for this role of taking care of aging and elderly pains that have chronic pain and that's what's the most frustrating. Sometimes I feel I'm at my wits end and it's the Internet that's my saving grace, but also the enemy bc i feel like there's many unreliable clinics, untruthful 5 star reviews or there actually is not way out.
You've mentioned " Sadly Chronic pain does not stop as we get older and often does impair mobility if left." - although this is not the outcome I wish to hear for this situation nor anyone in similarly, I think now after reading your reply, I've reframed my thinking tog how can we make this numbness/stiffness/tightness and the pain from the herniated discs even MORE and better manageable for my dad? How can his pain be relieved when flareup happens?? I've read so many pain management websites say "live life pain-free". Ha, well time and time again, it just feels like that's a lie and it never exists. If it does, then it might be directed vaguely just for people with injuries or for the younger population instead of seniors, just like how the rest of our world is right now. Everything is catered to the tech savvy. I'm a part of that generation and I truly see it as an issue.
thank you for your suggestions. I will look into massage chair and saunas and see how we can bring those into the picture. I wonder if there are any other pain medications that he hasn't been given that will help him manage the pain better and actually get some sleep! Why can't there be any meds or treatment that offers long term solutions for herniated discs/compression like how there's meds and treatments for those severely injured and they fall straight asleep without any pain during recovery ? (Rhetorical q. I'm just venting now 😔)
I hope my reply helped you vent and relieved some of the frustration for a day anyway. there are lots of pills that can be given, I take tramadol an opioid and have done for many years it can help sleep too but lots of doctors wont prescribe due to the risk of addiction, gabapentin which is a different one many use these days. You mentioned the vital word manage the discomfort and pain. Your dad maybe needs to visit a pain management clinic as he ever been referred? You can get a private appointment at such clinics as well as the NHS through the GP. If you would rather talk privately you can message me too so we are not discussing our problems in public as it were. On Arthritis Action you might find some tips on pain management . One is a hot toddy before bed might help you or your dad (smiles) . Has your dad ever had pain relief injections? I have had the latest one via research project but it was only three you could have and steroids are the same. The patches from the chemist do work well on regional pain but not much use for back degeneration like your dad has. It does take time to find individual solutions as we are all different its very much trial & error but you do need your GPs support and your dads agreement to try things. Management cannot be achieved without help believe me, but sometimes trying to achieve it takes the frustration away. I hope you can help your dad , and then it might relieve some of your tension don't worry I understand how it is with caring I nursed my elderly father-in-law who was housebound and my husband when he was terminal. Everyone snaps eventually if you don't have help. Best wishes I am here if you want a rant, or scream if it helps. I do on bad days , I have multi joint pain by the way including back on occasions
I have chronic pain due c345 which led to cervical myelopathy , had two operations but still left me with issues all i do is take medication to try and ease the pain but we just have to live with it unfortunately.
I just wanted to say hello (I'm in the uk) and send you a ((big hug)). I totally understand how hard it can be to see a loved one go through pain and to be in the role of carer.
I am trying my best to look after my mum 83 years young! She has multiple health issues and has had a very painful flare of sciatica and arthritis since July this year. She is limited with her pain relief as she has renal impairment. We are currently awaiting results of xrays and she has to have other investigations for another health problem. Ontop of this she has her regular hospital appointments to attend plus blood tests to monitor her kidneys. She is also sight impaired so life is a challenge in many ways.
I unfortunately am not in good health myself so it is extremely challenging trying to cope. I have Crohn's disease and they have recently found some problems which I have to have further tests for, one next week which has been put through very quickly which is scarey.
As we are both going through so much at the same time it is difficult as mum finds it overwhelming at times, as do I.
Sorry I'm going on a bit, I just wanted to say you are not alone and there are lots of us who understand, there is a lot of support here.
Sometimes pain and limited independence brings emotional consequences which are equally hard to deal with I find but somedays are better than others, I try to take things day by day now easier said than done I know.
Have you got any support from other carers? I would suggest maybe looking for an online support or even a regular meet up with other carers if there is anything like this in your area?
I have a wonderful friend who is a carer for her husband, we both understand each others situation and can offer a listening ear or some practical advice to each other. It can really help to find some support as it gives you that vital boost, as caring can be very draining even though we love our parents and want to do the very best for them. You sound like you are doing an excellent job of looking after your dad but I once read a quote under a cup and teapot that said " you cannot pour from an empty pot" it did stick in my mind as it is essential that we look after ourselves too so we can be there for our caree.
Have you spoken to your doctor or dad's doctor about getting additional help? It may be something small but could help make a difference for you both. I am lucky that one of our doctors that looks after mum understands my health issues and knows if I am struggling and has helped me too.
I hope this has helped a little and that your dad will have some relief from his pain.
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so the two operations didn't even change anything? Does the pain limit you from living life or your ADLs?
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