How to get partner to understand?

My current pain issues have been increasing for the last 3 years or so. My partner has been accusing me of abusing prescription painkillers (I don't) and also that I was wasting my time going to remedial massage when what I needed was a steroid injection. I finally got this last week. I think it has helped slightly and I'm hoping that it continues to get better. The last two nights I've been back in bed with him (the pain is worse at night to the point I often sleep in the spare room so as not to disturb him). He said to me this morning isn't it nice to not have to take painkillers to sleep and I told him I ended up taking Naproxen due to the pain down the back of my thighs. He went nuts, says he's informing the university I'm not fit to be in health care (I've been very explicit about my health issues with them). He just doesn't understand. I'm now in a situation where I take painkillers and put up with him being angry about it, take painkillers and lie about it and put up with him being smug, but I'm a terrible liar or not take them, hope things get better and put up with the pain in the meantime, ploughing myself with coffee to cope with the lack of sleep and move to the spare bedroom on the bad nights. Personally I feel like the latter is the only option. I love my partner, he is very intelligent and he takes the time to read up about any health conditions but this is just one hung he cannot seem to get his head around.

[Batty1]

Sadly all of us in pain can probably relate to having love ones or friends who just don’t understand the intensity of our pains and guess what they never will unless somehow they can spend time in your body, which they can’t, sadly.

Maybe his concerns are valid when it comes to your pain medications or maybe he just thinks googling everything he has and understanding which he doesn’t… you have 2 choices take a hard honest look at how often and how much pain meds you take or take them behind his back and let him feel like he was right…. It sucks to lie to your love ones but sometimes your left no choice since pain 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365 days a year is absolutely enough to drive anyone crazy… sucks!

[Kiereo]

I'm so sprry to hear this, no one should have to go through that on top of what you're already habing to deal with! I'm in a pretty similar situation to you, evem down to your job, I'm also in healthcare and to function as a normal human being day to day I have to ply myself full of medications. The steroid injection only gave me very little relief, I started weening down from medication and the effects wore off. Maybe suggest that he comes to your next appointment to see you doctor and ask him to explain the pain to him, maybe he'd take that on board more?

I really do hope you get something sorted soon, good luck

[Billyboy2u]

First off your not abusing prescription drugs. Doctors today just don’t allow it. We’ll my certainly doesn’t. Rancher than increasing the amount you take try and ask your doctor for something stronger. It may help you. Although some doctors are now trying to get you off strong pain killers but you have to start somewhere.

As for your partner try asking him to help you rather than putting you down and making the situation worse.

I’m the other way around. She now helps me but it wasn’t always like that.

Pain is a right pain in the butt I’ve had it for over 30 year so V now and never got used to it. Hope you find a solution….

[Kitkat229]

I hope you don't mind me saying so but from what you have written this sounds a lot like gaslighting and verbal abuse. I know you probably don't want to hear it but maybe some early red flags before you get any deeper with him. You shouldn't have to choose between not taking the tablets and being in agonising pain or you bf being unhappy and you lying, it's not fair on you.

He may be struggling himself to come to terms that you are struggling with that much pain but showing it in the wrong way. It sounds like you need to have a sit down really open conversation with him. (If you haven't already).

Such a shame you have to cope like that and have no emotional support at home. I take naproxen for pain in my hands, knees and back. It's the only thing that only slightly helps.

Is there any possibility you can go back to your doctor to have more help pain wise?

Do you have a diagnosis of what's causing the pain?

So sorry your in that situation.