Understanding my pain

[Acaana]

My community is pain, simply because I live in pain 24/7 and I try to understand it.

I know, more or less, where my pain is coming from. It's coming from the many conditions that I have been blessed to experience.

I consider each pain to be a blessing because it reminds me that I am alive and not buried beneath the ground or burned into ashes. I am grateful for being able to feel the pain I feel. I know there are many people who are unable to feel such pain due to their own medical issues.

But, just because I know where the pain is coming from doesn't mean I don't want deeper answers or other solutions, if they are possible for me to take part in. Depending on the severity of certain conditions, some treatments are not possible. I have already been told I am not a good candidate for any form of cervical spine surgery due to the multi-level issues found there. But I also know there is more going on than what has previously been discovered.

In Canada, there is no cost to see a doctor but depending on the circumstance a referral is required which comes from a general practitioner or family doctor. There must be just cause and it makes little difference how much money you make. I do go to physio-therapy. There are physiotherapy places paid by OHIP, and there are many more that are private that don't require a referral from a doctor or prescription even if we have insurance. I do go to a place that is private. My physiotherapist has become become much more aggressive since my EMG came back normal and they indicated a change in medicine as well in more aggressive exercises that would encourage greater range of motion in order to get the muscles working near and around the spine. I also have to have massage therapy which has helped considerably, even though it has many times made me nauseous and sometimes dizzy. It was with her that I discovered my issue with the Occiput region.

I am also a pagan who practices as often as possible and it depends on my level of pain. Much of my pain, symptoms and even conditions has been lessened from the work I do through meditation and prayer to the gods and goddesses I work with. I do grow my own healing herbs which I have tried to take but do not like the taste. I am my own worst patient as a result. As I harvest this year's medicinal herbal bounty, I will once again try to drink some St. John's Wort, Valerian and Feverfew in a tea... they smell and taste so bad but do a whole lot of good...naturally.

I have also learned eating bananas regularly helps improve bone health and hot peppers help to naturally reduce inflammation. I try to eat more celery for it's help in reducing inflammation as well. I am growing Swiss Chard this year, and it will benefit my bones as well.

Even though writing notes like these hurts me it is a good mental exercise. I find so much clarity from writing and a release of pent up energies that I may have been unaware of before.

We all have our own personal way of dealing with our pain. No one way is better than another's, just like in spiritual practice. On the intense days I like to meditate on the pain and try to enter it's core and breathe in healing energy and vibration during every inhale and exhale, trusting in the presence of the healing god/goddess's presence and their aid.

I hope wherever you are, that the climate is fair in your heart and in your natural surroundings so you may find peace wherever you go. <3

[Acaana]

I see everything in life as something to learn from. I give thanks each day that I am above ground, living and breathing. I may live with chronic pain, but I can still walk, I can still do most things, I can speak and hear and I can see. There are so many people worse off than me. I am grateful for my pain because it reminds me, that yes it is there, but I have learned how to cope with my suffering by making peace with it. We all have our own ways my friend. I am thankful for the time spent studying the Tao and putting it into practice with my own path. Thank you for your response. I appreciate how you feel.

[Acaana in reply to Acaana]

My pain when I rise is at a 5 on the 5 to 10 scale. By mid-day it is 7, by the time I go to bed most nights, its past 10. I have simply learned to cope well. I am on multiple medications, I do have to see a physiotherapist and massage therapist, I do meditate, I do try to be in motion as often as possible in the form of walking and I try to get in 150 hours per week. Somedays my CP kicks in so bad that walking in a straight line is more of challenge than my pain as I have a form called Little's Disease which effects my gait and balance and coordination. I also have plantar fasciitis which makes my walking and sometimes my physiotherapy difficult but I do it because it is for the benefit of my spine. Thankfully my physiotherapist is compassionate and will not work me as hard if my feet and knees are hurting.

I am unable to work as well, which is a challenge being a single parent, but I am coping through breath work and through my spiritual path. I do have days that I find I am depressed. It is hard dealing with chronic pain all day and all night. It can be hard to remember my chronic pain is also referral pain. It is not always comforting, but I then I think it could always be worse. I always try to see the light side of things even when, I myself is suffering. How we think of things makes a huge difference. When I have difficult days I try to be in the company of positive minded people and spend a lot of time in meditation.

I would not say my pain is mild, moderate or severe, simply because at different stages of the day it is all of these. I do not make judgments, not even of myself. Like right now, I can type but it hurts my fingers, my hands, my wrists, arms and neck. My fingers are swollen and numb, but I persevere. I take breaks and learn what to do by listening to my body's signals, something that I have obviously ignored for a long time, as per it hurting as it does. I have also changed my diet a bit to include foods that help with inflammation and similar issues.

I take responsibility for not acting sooner and have learned to forgive myself, to forgive my body and to love myself as I am, even if its in pain. We all cope differently and have different strategies and ways. I have mine as you have yours. I hope today is less painful for you.