1yr diagnosis

Today is my 1yr diagnosis, I have been off chemo since July 2012. My Dr stated I am in remission...Woooo hoooooo... But I am very tearful and sad,I saw other posts where people felt the same. I have been given another chance to live life! What's wrong with me? I have a wonderful family, friends but somehow I feel depressed. I would love to go back to my job, but it is very hard work. I worked at a hospice as a home health aide for 25yrs, I sure miss it. I love taking care of people, everybody says you need to take care of yourself. I feel good no pain just that bothersome neuropathy in my hands and feet,otherwise pain free! I am 6months remission I need to get it together and find myself again. Bless all of you out there fighting this terrible ca. ......chrissy55 ........peace to all

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  • That's fantastic news and good to hear!!!! Have you heard about ' mindfulness'. It helps you to live in the here and now so might be worth looking at. Im currently reading about it, Best of luck for the future. Xx. Chrissy

  • Dear Chrissy

    How I feel for you. I think we all get down sometimes and it happens when you think you should be happy and in remission. Anniversaries of diagnosis are bound to make you think back to what was before and then you're going to miss what you've lost.

    I found great pleasure in volunteering. It's a great thing to do because you can choose your days and times and do what suits you best. Would your hospice permit you to return to do something like that? Of course it doesn't resolve the financial issues of leaving work and I'm still pondering that one. I also miss my former colleagues and don't like to bother them by calling in the office though they've invited me to do so. My husband doesn't think I'm well enough to return to work because the sort of job I'm likely to find is likely to be hard manual duties. It is a bit of a dilemma.

    I'm sure once the days lengthen and we see a bit of sun you will start to feel better. Don't forget to note the anniversaries of happy events - like getting your all-clear - and celebrating that too.

    Hope you feel better soon. xxx love Annie

  • Hi Chrissy,

    I am right there with you at the moment. My 1yr anniversary was 30th November and

    my feelings are the same...very tearfull and sad and empty. I have got an appointment

    to see a cancer psychologist to help me along the way, don't know if it will help but am

    going to give it a try. I also had to give up my job on the recomendation of my onc .I

    always thought through my treatment I WOULD return to work but it is not to be.

    I'm wondering if the chemo affects the brain! maybe I will have some info on that one

    after my appointment.

    Have you thought about seeing your GP re depression.

    sending you my best wishes xxx

  • Hi Chrissy

    It seems to be a not unusual reaction, thinking about what we have lost. I am sure you will find a way to reintegrate your working life with your present energy levels. Is there any way you can see the HR dept at the hospice, maybe there is a way of returning on a phased, part time basis. You're entitled to that as a cancer patient. There is a dept at MacMillan that advises on returning to work after cancer, I think. It may be worth giving them a ring.. There will be ways that you can work in the things that you want to do. It just takes a bit of time to find out why the options are. As someone said earlier, try to focus on what we can do, not what we cannot do. It may be that you're still in need of a bit more time to re-group, seek someone to talk to about your feelings, or just rest for a bit longer and build up some strength. Why don't you give Ruth a ring at Ovacome, she's a nurse and has a lot of experience of all matters Ovarian! She has so many good ideas as to what your options may be. The number is 0845 371 0554. It's open Mon to Fri- 10 till 5, I think. There's an answer phone out of hours, I believe.

    You've come so far and had a good result with being in remission. I know that funny flat feeling when we're told all is OK for now, look up previous blogs and put in 'feeling sad' in the search box on the blogs page. There are lot of us out there who have felt like you. Be kind to yourself, give yourself some treats, just be happy for now. Have a look at my blog on ' ' 'meditation/'mindfulness' there may be some stuff on a link on there that will help. I hope so.

    Love n hugs to you ((((xxxx))))

    Love Wendy xx

  • Thanks... For all the positive feedback! This is my first time on this site. What a wonderful group of compassionate people! " peace and good health to all"

  • It's a type of shock I think - mine us one of those down remission stories! It's the reverse of the shock of diagnosis - then you know instinctively that it is the start of something. It's all activity from then on. Whereas this is a realisation that there is no more activity. It's just in the lap of the gods/fate/luck and there really ain't much we can do to influence that. It's an absence of control, perhaps. Trying to figure it out myself...!

    I know I feel better now than last week. I went back into the office and did some work - still just for a part of the week but with a couple of short but proper working days. I focused on my home business plans and did some R&D for the Ovacome candle. I chased up approval of our big fundraising plan for my local hospital.

    The above suggestions from other ladies are spot on. I think it's about re-transformation back into a "normal" person - it isn't always just automatic; taking action to grasp the strands of your old life (and maybe add some new strands) to make it happen has certainly started to help me!

    hope it helps, and do keep sharing

    Love

    Sue xxx

  • Hi Chrissy. Finding our 'new normal' once in remission is a tricky process. Don't beat yourself up about feeling the way you do. I think we've all been there. You've had lots of good tips and advice. Do any of your local cancer charities offer a counselling service? Might be worth checking out.

    Hope you're soon feeling like the sun is coming out again. I'm sure it will.

    Love

    Linda xx

  • Hi Chrissy,

    I have also just past my first year. I was diagnosed December 23rd 2012. I have been in remission 6 months also. About 2 months ago I started crying for nothing, while driving the car or doing the ironing. We have to allow this time to grieve for what we had, a healthy life,now we have to embrace every day and enjoy life. We are so strong during the treatment

    we dont have time to let what has happened sink in. I still have my moments and am more emotional than I used to be ( if that is possible.] we have a second chance lets embrace life. Best wishes for the future Carol xxxx

  • That is so true, Carol. Wise words! I think a lot of us are more emotional after a shock like this, I know I am, and it happens at some strange times too.

    It may be linked with loss but also relief.

    All the best

    Love, Wendy xx

  • I am in remission of 2.5 months. I too am tearful and feel sadness. I too realize I should be grateful, excited and relieved I am in remission and over with treatment. I think it is just a transition we all manage to go through. I think it is part of the transition, I di dgo and talk with my nurse practitioner about my concerns and got some medicine to haelp. It has made a difference, but I still feel sad at times about the whole drama from surgery to remission and the worry of relapse. Kim

  • Hi Kim, I was sure I was not the only one, I am a happy silly girl,I even said to my oncologist if my spunk, happy crazy girl will come back.The chemo really affected my personality,it was very surreal. I am happy ... But think I have been down a very hard road, a road I hope I don't have to travel again. I keep myself busy by cooking, thrift store shopping( love vintage) and fishing in the boat with my husband and son,love our Cali delta! I take things day by day,one step at a time. God has blessed me with Sooooo much, and I will remain strong and keep on keeping on! Peace to all!

  • Same here!! We both will come back and be better than ever!!! It just takes time, and I'm impatient. Best to you.!!

  • Hi Chrissy

    I know I'm repeating what so many people have said but it is natural that to feel some sadness at this time. I know that whilst I was having treatment, my mind was on auto pilot and focused on that. It was only when it finished that I found myself asking "what happens now?"

    You've been given wise advice above. I also found the following site helpful.

    moodgym,anu.edu.au/welcome It helped me to change the thought patterns that were bringing me down and to live in the moment. It was also around this time that I joined the Ovacome site and like everyone else, it made a huge difference to me.

    Sendiing you love and best wishes

    Mary xx

  • Sending lots of big hugs to you hopefully all will be well with your scan and that you manage to live each day until the results without fear of what may be but that you feel good today.

    Love Amanda

  • Good-day Matz, I am not waiting on a scan result, maybe someone else?. Thanks for your feel good day though......peace ...love Chrissy55

  • Not sure where I got that from blame chemo brain from yesterday's sesh, glad you are one year on and understandable that you feel like you do as anniversaries roll by. I'm off work at the moment and wondering how I will get back to it, as you say work in the health service is hard work. Have you considered part time or certainly giving a phased return a go to see how you get on? Enjoy the rest of your day anyway and keep the good times to the forefront of your mind.

    Hugs

    Amanda xx

  • Hi again, I would love to have my old position back, but I have applied for ssi. I think they will take my benefits away if they see I can do my old job. I worked for a hospital based hospice for 25ys, the work is Very hard, lifting, pulling , positioning, bathing, and all the emotional things that come with this position. I have considered, volunteering, or maybe a position that is not so demanding on my body. Have lots of support from nurses, maybe I will do private duty nursing. Hope you have a great day!

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