Russ and I lost our first born son, only son August 30th, unexpectedly. He was 38 years old. His birthday is August 31st. He was the boy whom taught me how to become a mother. He was a beautifully gifted man with such a kind soul and heart. The pain at times feels unbearable. My daughter lives close by and has been so supportive to Russ and I.
His viewing and funeral was so beautiful as well. College friends came from out of state. The people that spoke did an excellent job. I was numb. He has three wonderful children. I see Jason in them so much. We do not see them very often due to the divorce. Jason’s teacher’s attended and told what an impact he made in their lives. He was very special to us. The last thing we said to him when he was alive “I love you “and gave him a big hug. I am so thankful for that.
My CA-125 has been slowly rising over the last few months. The test it every 3 weeks. It had remained between 5-6 for months but is now 61. They will not respond unless something shows up on cat scan. I am not worried about it. I have fantastic doctors. It is there job to take care of what’s next.
I am a woman of faith and know where Jason is. I know one day we will be together again never to be separated again. For me it is so hard because I feel weak and the loss is so great I feel like some of my fight died too. I am praying so hard about it because I know others need me.
I wanted you to know I read your posts everyday. What an amazing group of woman! ❤️ I don’t comment often but I learn so much. What a wealth of knowledge!
I hope and pray you all continue to be the very best you can be. I send my love to all of you. PeggyXX
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Thank you Peggy for your post. I can’t begin to imagine how hard losing your beautiful son has been for you - but your words will help many women who are facing Ovarian Cancer and other tragedies in their lives.
I am so, so sorry to hear about the loss of your beautiful son. I hope you get to continue contact with your grandchildren and that they bring you joy.
That is what we intend on doing. Many people came up to them and told them how amazing there father was. I want to keep his legacy alive Vicki. Thank you for kind words.
Peggy xx
I'm so, so sorry to read of your loss and can't begin to imagine how it must feel.
But to have OC to contend with as well, is just too much.
Thank you so very much! Yes, my OC seems secondary to me at the present. We are doing our best on a moment to moment basis. We have much family and friend support which helps. ❤️ Peggy xx
Im so sorry for your loss, I cannot begin to imagine the pain of losing a child. I can cope with my diagnosis but the pain of losing a child would be more than I could bear. I hope you find solace in memories and seeing your son in his children God bless. Kathy xx
Oh yes Kathy his children look and one acts so much like him. They are a blessing! They heard wonderful things about their father at his funeral from teacher etc. Jason would not let us brag on him. He was a simple man but very gifted. I will cherish all our memories. Thank you Kathy. Peggyxx
Oh Peggy I feel so sorry that you are dealing with all this as well as OC. I can’t imagine what you are going through but sending love 💕 to you and your family xx
Like the other ladies, I just want to send my love & sympathy to you & your family at such a difficult time. May you regain strength daily, as I’m know others need you to be here. With love & prayers 💖
Thank you for your words of encouragement. I am trying to focus on my loved ones around me. The grief is so strong at the moment. I am a positive person. I am just need time. Thank you Linda! 💕 Peggyxx
Thank you for your kind words. Jason was my first born. My daughter is 2 1/2 years younger. She has been amazing through this process. She has helped out so much. Yes she has two children and they live right behind us. We both have 2 acres. I am focusing on the living. My heart just aches. Thank you so much Lorraine. I pray you are doing better. You are one of the woman I do look up to on this website. Always constant, always faithful. Much love to you Lorraine! ❤️ Peggyxx
Peg, my heart breaks for you. Losing your child is sooooooo much worse than battling OC. I cannot imagine the overwhelming loss you are feeling. Your son would want you to live your best life possible, for as long as possible. I encourage you to seek grief counseling to help you adapt to this staggering loss. I wish you the energy to persist. Love, T
I think that is something when my mind clears I might turn to. Thank you for your sympathetic words. They mean so much! OC does not come close to the devastation of losing a child. Thank you for your understanding. ❤️ Peggy xx
I'm so sorry Peggy. Not having children of my own (not by choice), I can't even imagine what you are going through at the moment. I only wish there'll be some joy and love mixed in with the grieving, and that the cancer keeps a low profile. Thinking of you and your family. Maus
I am so sorry you could not have children of your own. I felt it was the thing in life that was my greatest accomplishment. It was above any job or title I accomplished.
There was no more important job for me than Mom. I feel like a big part of me is gone. I learned how to become a mother with Jason. I am still a mom to a beautiful daughter who needs me. I just need time to grieve. My husband is doing well but has melt downs as well. We will get through it. We are a strong family. I will need to lean on my faith so much! ❤️ Peggy xx
Dear Peggy . The emotional pain you are feeling is beyond imagination and yes you will at present feel your strength sap but it will return as Jason would wish .. now you have his 3 lovely children who need to know how loved he was by his dear mother . It’s more complicated after divorce but maybe there’s room for easing that . My heart is with you at this time . With love Denizt
His three children live out of state but we are hoping she becomes more open to visitation when she travels home. Her parents live in the same town as us. She has made it very difficult for Jason and ourselves to see them when the moved out of state. I am praying about it! They look so much like Jason. She is remarried and has another baby. We will see. Keep us in your prayers. ❤️ Peggy xx
Hello again Peggy, yes I will certainly remember you and the grandchildren in prayers... With a new baby one can hope that she might be more amenable to having the elder three spend time with you ...I hope you get some times of peace although the days must be so difficult... With love Denise
Thank you Denise! 💕 I think she moved out of state truly to be all image oriented. She tried to keep Jason out of their lives as much as possible. It was always a battle. I always believe the truth comes out in the end. Thank you so much Denise! It appears I can see the oldest granddaughter is reaching out now to me on social media. I will do all I can do. Jason never blamed the children . He would say “ Mom they are only doing what they are being taught”. He was hurt by so amazing not to anger. He had so much patience with his children. He taught them so much about history, geography, and astronomy. They loved it. We will see how it goes but thank you for your prayers. It helps so much! Love and hugs ❤️ Peggy xx
How are you Peggy ? I hope you might be having a few days which are a little easier .I can see the situation is difficult with your grandchildren at present... and I hope this finds you a little better than last time we exchanged emails...On Monday Im having a radical mastectomy as I may have mentioned so am trying to galvanise my strength to cope with it...my daughters are very supportive as are dear friends and colleagues so this is very helpful but essentially it has to be faced alone as we know....with love from Denise
There are waves of emotions. I too have my daughter right by for support and wonderful friends. Thank you for your out reach to me. You are such a caring soul. Here you are having major surgery on Monday but yet you think of me. I will be praying for a great surgery and speedy recovery and always good results. Much love and hugs your way Denise. ❤️ Peggy xx
It brought tears to my eyes when I read your post, I cannot begin to imagine how difficult this time must have been for you. I lost my mum in the middle of my treatment last year and didn’t think I’d get through it. I don’t think I would have done if it wasn’t for my family. Take strength from them.
I wish you all the best with your health and hope that you do not have to have more treatment yet. Sending hugs x x
Yes, Thank you for understanding how I feel. I have an amazing husband! I was diagnosed Stage IV b. I have responded well to treatment. I am still on Avastin/ immunotherapy/ placebo. Jason was always worried about be. He was a great listener. He great wonderful advice. Never quick to anger. My CA-125 is slowly rising. It has been since May. It was 5-6. It is now 61. I am having a cat scan tmr. They will not start a new treatment without something showing up on cat scan. OC has never scared me. I have always had a peace about it. Living your life without your child is new and shakey ground. Jason was strong and I will be strong for him and his kids. He was a beautiful man.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss Peggy.I'm sure that at this moment in time the OC seems insignificant compared to your tragic news.Please look after yourself as Jason would want you to do. xx
dear peggy you are right: it is just a short separation with him and you will meet each other some day. He would love to see a strong you , healthy happy and enjoy every day in this world. Prayers with you.
Yes, I try and think about it that way. It helps me through so much! I am sure he is happy, healthy, stress free and at peace! Thank you for you kind words! ❤️ Peggyxx
Praying for you and your family. I don’t imagine the pain you and they are in. I know a little the problem. I am not afraid of death but sometimes I am afraid of the continued living with all the challenges and disability.
that will bring comfort and sustain us. We know where Jason is and we believe in God’s word we will be reunited together never to be separated again. That is what will have to keep our family going, out faith. Thank you for your prayers! They help so much! Blessings to you! ❤️ Peggy xx
So so sorry about the loss of your son. Its still so new--and you are already focusing on what will hopefully help--the wonderfulness of him, the impact he had on others, the grandchildren who carry on with him inside of them, and a love from his mother he surely knew was with him throughout his life. Your last words to him had to mean so much. I once told my husband I was not sure I could go on if one of our sons died, and he responded that we still have another and we should be here for him too. I think that is what you are doing--one foot in front of another and being there for others who love you and need you. I hope, with time, the numbness and sadness turn into more something easier for you--thinking about him--I sometimes feel my memories of my Dad and talking about him, help keep him "alive" in everyone's thoughts, not just mine. Sending a virtual hug and thank you for sharing. oxox Judy
You explained that so beautifully! I really don’t know what I am doing day to day yet. I try to do everything he would want me to do. I know with time it will become clearer for me. I have my daughter’s children before and after school. It helps. They know I am not myself and why I am not but they understand. They loved Uncle Jason too and miss him. Autumn was his favorite time of year as is mine. So I she Autumn starting outside and him everywhere. Both my son and daughter graduated from OSU so he loved coming over and watching OSU games. We will always keep him alive Judy. Thank you for your wonderful words that read me right.
I am so sorry to hear of your devastating loss Peggy, but I am glad you felt able to share with us on here and hope you gain some little comfort from knowing we are all thinking of you. I can’t imagine what you must be going through, I have a daughter and son who are my world and not sure I could survive anything happening to them. I hope that your strong faith does get you through this terrible time, believing that you will see your son again. I hope you are able to gain more time seeing his children too, seeing him in them will surely be healing and it can only be of benefit to all if you.
Wishing you all the best for your CT too, having to deal with OC as well at this time just beggars belief but it sounds as if you are calm about it and have a good medical team thankfully.
I have to keep his legacy alive! I need his children to know as much about him as possible. That will be healing for me. ❤️ I appreaciate your kind and sympathic words. It helps so much! Blessings to you! ❤️ Peggy xx
Dear Peggy, I am so sorry to read that you have lost your son. Being a mother of four I can only imagine the horror that you have been through. I think you are very fortunate that you have your faith and belief that you will be with him one day. It must help a little bit. I hope you find the strength to get through the sad time you are going through and will be able to enjoy some happy memories of Jason. You say that you don't see his children very much because of the Divorce. Hopefully, when they're older and can be independent, they'll be able to come and see you more. Thankfully you have your Daughter nearby and you can comfort each other when having down times.
Sending much love and sympathy to you and your family, Solange 😊
Dearest Peggy. Words seem so inadequate at such times as these.
Thank You for sharing your story. It offers both a heartbreaking and somehow divine opportunity to come alongside you and share deeply in your suffering. Deep connections are a pure gift during tender times such as these when we are being led to journey into another tomorrow where a new life can begin... both on earth and into the mystery of eternity where our Lord is always waiting for each of His beloved!
It is beyond our grasp to understand why some souls seemingly must surrender to this life so suddenly while others are given the opportunity to prepare for a faithful act of surrender in the midst of deep suffering.
Your faithfulness as a Mother to Jason undoubtedly helped to prepare him for his unexpected surrender to eternal life and it will sustain you as on your journey as well.
I pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to hover over you, Ross and your family as you grieve the loss of Jason and as you take one step up at a time in the uncertainty of your own struggle to win this battle of life.
That is a beautiful message that brought tears to my eyes. Joyful tears! It is as if you know my family. I thank you so very much! I will try my very best to carry on his legacy. I will teach his children everything I can about him that they do not know. I am looking forward to seeing him again one day never to be separated again. Love and blessings to you! ❤️ Peggyxx
My deepest sympathies to you. I too lost my eldest so when he was 35. He had a brain anyuerism burst. It is a pain like no other. The last words we spoke to our son were also I love you as we always said that as a goodbye. Please know you will be in my prayers. Our faith can sustain us. It is not something you “get over” but you can get through it. I would recommend a group called Compassionate Friends to you. It is good to talk with others who also have lost children of any age. Praying for a healing for you physically and emotionally.
I am so sorry for your loss Suzanne. It is like no other. We are completely leaning on our faith. I will check out the group you recommended, thank you. Thank you for all your prayers! ❤️ Peggy xx
I’m so sorry to read that you have lost your son. It’s something we can never be prepared for. I lost my son unexpectedly when he was 18. Nothing that has happened since, cancer included, is as bad as that moment.
Having time to tell him you love him is wonderful even though it does little to ease the pain. May he RIP until you meet again
You know the pain. OC is not even in my thoughts right now. The loss of my son and getting through all of the arrangements is what is foremost presently. Each day I find myself excepting what has happened. I am focusing on all his beautiful gifts and his wonderful personality. He was amazing and we were blessed to have him 38 years. Yes I will mourn his loss but I am focusing on the wonderful Jason! ❤️ Thank you Lily-Anne for sharing. It helps to know you are not alone. Sending love to you! Peggy xx
Simons funeral was very much a celebration. One of the songs was bat out of hell because he had a very dry sense of humour. The real pain was six months later when it hit me for real. I was a therapist and studied to specialise in bereavement Therapy because of losing him.
Thank you so much Lily-Anne! You are correct I know the reality has not hit me yet. I have family, close friends, and church to step in and help. I know that my husband and I may need counseling to get through this. I send much love your way Lily-Anne. ❤️ Peggy xx
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