I'm not Brave

[coalole]

I wish other people would stop saying "You're so brave" when I'm being cheerful about having cancer. I'm not brave, I'm not "fighting", I'm just taking each day as it comes and trying to be as "normal" as possible.

Diane

[triplets]

I know exactly what you mean Diane, I keep being told that, that I am amazing etc. Well at 2am this morning I felt far from brave, I know I am lucky I am stage 1c but I am still scared as its high grade. I am trying not to let it rule my life, have already lived with my husbands stage 4 bowel cancer for 8 years, he is still here gets his latest scan result today! I hope your journey thru this has the best outcome. xx

[HerThing]

Diane,

I so understand where you're coming from. You sound just like my Angie. She used to say exactly the same thing. "I am not brave, I just haven't got a bloody choice!" Similarly with the term fight... I certainly understand why people use the phrase, but it isn't one I really like. I usually refer to it as Angie's cancer journey. The implication with fight is that as she finally succumbed to her disease she some how lost (the fight). Not a chance. My Angie beat cancer by the way she lived her life with it and I refuse to accept that she was ever defeated.

You continue with 'normal as possible'... that makes you a winner in my book!

Hugs

Andy x

[Lyndy]

So true! Subtext 'I don't really want to think about this stuff so let's stick to cliches'.

A friend said to me last week when I was having a melt down ' that's good..have a good cry... I don't know how you've coped up to now...I'm sure I wouldn't '

It was sooo good to let my mask slip! and it allowed her to really support me.

Xx L

[cah48]

I couldn't agree with you more Diane! Brave, fighting a battle, on a merry-go-round, and you look so well all annoy me. I've come to prefer learning to live with cancer and roulette wheel much more appropriate terms. I suppose when people say that I am looking well is just something to say. Good luck on the roulette wheel, Diane! 😊 Carole H x

[Microbabe]

I do agree with you 100% and I wonder what being brave means ...... I have to confess to using it myself 😳 But when it's applied to me I think who me ??? I'm just walking the path that's being chosen for me ... fighting the fight that I feel will now be apart of the rest of my life x

[GBIRVMIC]

Yes so agree with you and then told I look so well! Grrrr.... I wear a mask because I don't know how to deal with it and then I end up comforting others as they become upset.. strange at times isn't it? Yes we live with it because we don't have a choice.. just got unlucky... and so we continue to the next day... 🙏😊 🌻 xx

[Marypacific]

I also find those types of statements very upsetting. I think people mean well, but what's the point of saying I look well? I'm not well! I have stage 4 cancer and I don't feel well at all. I hate being told I have such a great attitude and I am so strong. They have no idea what I really feel, how often I cry and how sad my thoughts are. My husband is the only one who understands how I feel about all this misguided support and I appreciate being able to discuss it with him.

[JanePW1965]

Hello Diane. My mum has OC which is why I'm on here but I was thinking the other day, when I was going to type how 'brave' all the ladies are on here, it's not a case of being brave, but just trying to get on with life so I can see where you're coming from. Some ladies have described living with OC as living with a chronic disease and I said this to mum and she thought it was a good point. Best wishes. Jane X

[coalole]

Thank you all. I'm afraid there are too many clichés in today's media driven world. Every event has been "an incredible journey", a "rollercoaster" and everyone is "devastated" rather than upset or unhappy or shocked.

I am going to try to make 2017 the years I don't use a cliché and I'll try to stop throwing things at the TV or radio every time I hear one.

Here's to a New year of good news for everyone on this forum.

[Hidden]

Hi I apologise as I do use the term merry go round a lot on here. Well that is how I felt treatment going on so long and I was going around and around. Anyhow enough said about that. I agree with all of you, I hate being told I look well, etc etc. Sometimes it is hard to put on your clothes and make up and go out. We all have felt like this time and again. I actually am drug free for the past year or so. I do try to keep myself busy by doing the shopping, getting the paper and a bread roll for my able bodied husband every day. Yes he is ruined!!!! Yes I do live my day as best I can, I plan days away or weekends away easy because I am retired. I am grateful going to bed at night and more grateful I wake up every morning.

[Patriciaa1963]

That's the definition of brave. Going on when you really prefer to take a break. Never giving up. Being normal in the face of adversity. You are brave. We ALL are brave.

[Steghart]

I must admit to having become an official "grumpy old woman" (at 51) but I get very irritated too! I know people mean well but I don't find it helpful, we have very little choice in the matter so we just get on with it! I tend to throw in a bit of black humour, a bit naughty sometimes but that's the way I am!

[koffeekat99]

Agree with all the comments above. I thought I was in a minority of hating the concept of 'battling with cancer'. I too can understand why it's a term used, but it's not how everyone views it. If someone views it that way then by all means join in with them. But don't tell me that it's a battle. Ask me something about it first and then see if the term fits. I'm considering making a badge saying "if you use the terms 'battle', 'survivor' or 'brave'" I will stick my tongue out at you angrily".

Being brave. It's difficult. I suppose it's considered to be a compliment so you've gotta give them that one. It's preferable to some things that people say. But no, it does make me cringe a little. I usually say no more than people who have to face other chronic conditions or difficult things every day. We've all got something that we have to face in life, so in that respect I'm no different to anyone else.

[Hidden]

I hate it too.. I can't stand reading it either in obituaries. We've not got much choice but to carry on as best we can. But that's true of everyone alive, cancer or not!!

[drdu]

I know what you mean. I think people mean well when they say that. But you do feel alone and different from everyone else when you have cancer. And you so wish to be just an ordinary person without cancer, so that you don't have to be "brave" or "fighting" cancer. They are well-meaning clichés. As someone said above, it is at least a compliment!

All best wishes.

Eileen xx