I'm scared and overwhelmed

[EloiseyWeezy]

Hey everyone. I posted on here a while ago when I was first diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I'm 25 and was told of my diagnosis last February. I am a month into my remission but I don't feel happy? I'm worried all the time and I don't feel myself at all. My boyfriend says I'm snappy and horrible which tears me up inside as I'm not that person. I don't know where I have gone and will this be what I'm like forever now? Is this the new me? I'm really stuck and feel so alone. Is there anyone else who has felt this way? Thank you in advance. Xx

[Hidden]

So you are finished treatment and no hospital visits and you feel like you are so alone out there. This is natural after finishing treatment because you no longer have the oncology team to depend on, Can you contact the Macmillian nurses in your hospital or go to a cancer support group near you. Maybe you might be lucky enough to have a gynae liason nurse to speak to, So Tuesday connect up with one of those if you can. We have all been there and know what it is like. It is normal to feel upset and worried and I am sure your boyfriend understands all that and he will help you. Try and get out walking every day and build up your stamina. Does your employer have a counselling service, some do and if so use that, Another thing is to go and speak to your gp, It is a scary thing a cancer diagnosis especially when you are so young. We will help you with any questions you may have. No you are not going crazy believe me, this is the way most of us feel post treatment

[Greeningthegrey]

Hi I just read your post and I agree with Suzuki, do find a Cancer support group near you if possible. You might find Shine helpful as it is for younger people. I too find it hard not to worry about it a year on, even though you have been given an all clear it is difficult to move forward. I am just a bit stuck too. I don't think enough support is routinely offered so we have to seek it out ourselves. I hope you feel better soon.

Stay in touch

[naomi88]

That boyfriend! Maybe you need no boyfriend just now.

[Alex53]

Talk to macmillan if you can. My local group do a follow on course for people in your position to help with the practical and emotional issues following treatment. X

[EloiseyWeezy]

Thank you everyone! Yes I am finished treatment now and I do feel like I'm out here all alone, I have a check up every 3 months. I do have a local MacMillian centre and I will definitely pop down there tomorrow once I pluck up the courage! And will also try the groups. I just feel so strange and not myself at all. I know my boyfriend finds this very hard too but sometimes I can't help my mood swings, I'm not used to the new me either I feel very reassured that I'm not alone and not going crazy. I can't thank you enough for your replies. X

[Hidden]

I was exactly the same when my treatment finished, we are on a rollcoaster during treatment and then everything stops. I think it was the time that I came to terms of what I had been though. It does get easier over time, even for my 9 month check up I was panicking again that it had come back as I had been in pain etc and had some symptoms. My ca125 had risen slightly to but ct scan confirmed I was still NED..

I have found going on a Moving On course done my Oncology Centre helped and going to support groups. Maybe go to Ovacome Memebers day in May to meet other ladies and share experiences.

[Hidden]

One other thing I do not know if you live near London as Ovacome run a young ladies cancer group each month. Maybe call Ruth at Ovacome for more information or even just a chat about your feelings. I know she helped me.

[EloiseyWeezy in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, I do find that I am struggling more now it's 'over' but it's not over when it's over! As you said the reality of what's just happened to you really hits home when treatments and hospital appointments stop, what feels so suddenly! I will call the Ovacome ladies too, they did call me when I was first diagnosed and used this group, and I revieve letters monthly! I am pleased to hear you're doing okay Thank you for your support! X

[kazrazmataz]

Hi, ask your specialist nurse if she can arrange 121 counselling so they can specifically help you because you are so young. Things will improve but you need specific help to deal with how you are feeling although we do all feel like we are left with what is a form of post traumatic stress (no wonder when you think what you have been through, its a normal reaction).

Take care sending you a big hug x

[Samjane in reply to kazrazmataz]

Hey, how are you feeling? Sent you message xx

[Sunfleury-UK]

Hi, I think that these overwhelming feelings when treatment has finished are very common. Certainly I felt them and it was as if having had to concentrate on getting through all of the really tough bits, step by step I then looked up and felt overwhelmed and fell over! I think for loved ones around us, this is difficult to understand as their feelings are of relief and wanting to move on... These contradictory experiences can be frustrating for everyone and certainly as a consequence I felt guilty and perhaps even more isolated!

As many have said, do reach out for support and ask for counselling to help you navigated his bit- it's an important part of recovery. I saw an onchology psychologist during chemo and then for about 9months after. I was 40 and so as well as the diagnosis there were quite a few other issues such as fertility, identity and relationships to deal with.

I also went to Penny Brohn (with other younger women with OVCA organised by TOC) and did their residential 'Living Well' course. The combination of strategies from Penny Brohn and having the opportunity to meet others in a similar position played a massively positive part in my recovery.

In the meantime, you may find this article useful as I think it puts the finger on a lot of difficult feelings and will hopefully reassure you (and perhaps your partner) of the very real basis for how you are at present- cancercounselling.org.uk/Pe...

If the link doesn't work, just google 'Peter Harvey Treatment finishes'!

There is also a book called 'The Cancer Survivors Handbook' (I'm sorry I can't remember the authors) which comes with good recommendations. It has a page at the end of each chapter for family and friends, with practical suggestions about how they might support you, which are easy to understand!

Meanwhile, I wish you hope and strength, Sxx

[BJ_UK]

I think the book Sunfleury is referring to is The Cancer Survivor's Companion by Dr. Frances Goodhart and Lucy Atkins. It does indeed include lots of useful tips both for you and for your family and friends.

I would second the suggestions above about contacting your local cancer support centre. If you don't know where it is, your CNS should be able to point you in the right direction.

I know it's probably not much consolation, but I think most of us understand just how you feel!

Hope you feel less alone soonest!

Barbara

[Sunfleury-UK in reply to BJ_UK]

Yes, thanks Barbara! X

[Wiganw]

Target ovarian cancer do some brochures that help it's worth giving them a call. I felt exactly the same after finishing my treatment, it is absolutely normal. I attend a holistic centre for cancer patients and have acupuncture to help with relaxation and have helped me a lot.

Sharon x

[geekyandaloof]

I was also diagnosed with cancer at 25. I am 26 now, cancer free since January. I also feel the same. there are times I am happy I am given another life to live. but there are moments I also have this fear that any moment cancer will betray me again.

I also have a problem regarding support groups because in the Philippines, ovarian cancer is uncommon and there are no support groups there as well. if you need someone to talk too.. I am here. I was also looking for someone like me who was diagnosed at a young age.

[geekyandaloof]

As for your boyfriend, he needs to understand your situation. It's not easy going thru cancer. this disease is something you can predict or really stop from happening 100%. there are moments in my life that I feel stressed too. worrying about the future after cancer. my boyfriend also gets upset because he said too much worrying might increase my free radicals.

that's why I joined this forum. despite not being a UK resident. I am thankful for the ladies here who accepted me as I am also quite isolated from people who can understand me more.

[Aemi]

Hi Eloise,

I was diagnosed last year and had successful surgery for OC and also had bowel resection. Just recently had the all clear from my oncologist, but though my family are overjoyed by this I am still wary of celebrating. I have to be tested three months from last results, next app' Sept. I have decided that whether I worry or not the results will be as they are, so im enjoying life the best I can. There is always that niggle at the back of my mind, but why waste energy on what might never happen.

I suggest you get some rescue remedy from healthfood shop, or Boots, its a homeopathic tincture to calm you down, I Also recommend Reiki healing to help to calm you and bring you back into balance. I dont know if all areas do it but where I am we can get 4 complementary therapy treatments on NHS, perhaps you can check this out where you are.

Hope you find some peace. Wishing you well

Aemi x

[Samjane]

I am exactly the same. Finished chemotherapy 3 months ago, first scan NED, diagnosed last July with stAge 3c. When I had last treatment I felt like my cotton comfy snuggle blanket had been taken away. My safety net of nurses and hospitals. Felt alone, scared and every niggle panicked me into thinking it was back! The girls on this site have been my new bff since joining, great advice, company and are always there if you need them.

I've been weepy, snappy, you name it. It's ok to feel that way, it's normal, I've opted for support group and local health unit for councelling. As my doctor said to me last week, it is still you inside, you will find yourself again, give it time, it's about finding a new you, a new level and embracing it. It's bloody hard but with us all supporting each other we will do.it! You've done hardest thing battling the horrid disease.

So well done.

Message me anytime if you need to chat.

Hugs

Sam xxx

[EloiseyWeezy]

Hey everyone! I honestly can't thank you enough for all your replies. This website has done wonders for me and made me realise I am not going crazy and I'm actually doing quite well after all the heartbreak and upset cancer comes with. I was diagnosed at stage 1c which after ready everyone's comments I was lucky to be caught early. I was 24 at the time so I opted for fertility preserving surgery and radiotherapy! My dream is still to have children as I've always wanted to be a mother which I'm not sure I will be able to do but keeping an open mind about it all. I am joining every group possible and will be purchasing the books people have mentioned! I have also been ready the link you sent Sunfleury which is very helpful thank you!! I hope that I can support others the way you guys have supported me! I'm also here to chat if anyone wants to send a message! It's made the world of difference in such a short space of time and I can't thank you enough. I have read all your stories and taken them all in. Lots and lots of love and I wish you all the best health and happiness! Xx

[judyved-US]

Hi EloiseyWeezy....Try to think of it this way......none of us know what the future holds for us....cancer or no cancer. Try to concentrate on the blessings you do have, and live each day. Try to be in the present, and not worry about what may be in the future. I am also in remission, and I refuse to waste my time worrying about what may be. I'm alive and well today. That's what counts for today. Just know that you're doing all you can, and the rest is out of all of our hands. I'm sending good thoughts and a prayer out to you now. Best wishes.......Judy

[EloiseyWeezy in reply to judyved-US]

Thank you Judy!! Xx