My grandma used to say about me "she was a worrier the day she was born" and indeed i do get these two little dimples above my nose whenever i worry, pre 30 they used to disappear but post 30 they seem to be there to stay!
Well it seems that my mind is playing nasty tricks on my again ;-(
As most of you know by now i am due to have 2 major operations on my feet/ankles in the new year rendering me wheel chair bound and needy for at least 6 months, they are so badly painful and disfigured now that if i don't have these ops then by this time next year i will not be able to walk any longer ;-( I'm 30, have the rest of my life ahead of me and just got married, i owe it to all of us to try, not doing anything would be the cowards way out!
it seems that in order to protect myself mentally from the thought of what is awaiting me next year i am finding new things that aren't actually real to worry about...
Last night was my first night alone since i found out about my feet and i didn't get to sleep till 4am convincing myself that i couldn't breath! Everything thing seems so much worse in the middle of the night! I went to see my GP this morning to get checked out and EVERYTHING checkable is fine, he agrees that my mind is just playing anxiety tricks on me ;-(
I hate being me at the moment...
Do any of you have the same mind games?
Love Ella xx