Hate to put all this to you as I may spoil everyones xmas cheer.
I am sick fed up, and got the blues. I had my discs removed, spinal fusion and spinal cage 3 weeks ago and it has been quite hard. I am not allowed to drive, wash up, iron or lean down. Now I can hear lots of you saying you lucky so and so and wish this was you but in reality its very very frustrating. My friends have been great and even came round for a xmas coffee and wrapping day last week ( i ordered everything via the internet.) My hubby is running around trying to look after me and cook and then his mum ends up in hospital and he now has her shopping etc to do. Katy is doing my breakfast and doing as much housework as she can after school, she also has exams. At the moment they are putting up the xmas tree and i am sat here feeling very glum. I normally do all these things and I think ever though i had the op and i am pleased as i can feel my hands and arms again, i am so exhausted. I think i am flaring as i have been off my ra drugs for so long now. I wanna sleep all the time, but wanna help with the tree. My mum comes on wednesday, but i really dont want the effort, and feel really bad about that. I dont know how she's getting from the station as i cant drive due to the op, i cant ask my friends again they are all busy with friends coming to stay. I havent even got her bed changed, I am always organised and the house always has loads of deccies, this year a tree and light outside that hubby put up and half of them arent working, so embarrassing to me, but cos hes busy I cant say fix them.
I also have shingles on top of my scar which has decided to look further frankenstein by keloiding. It hurts a lot. I have also developed very painful lumps all under the skin but following the lifelines of my palms, does any one have any ideas what this is. I have antivirals that are making me have very very bad diarrhoea and think i am getting thrush on my bum to top it off.
Now I know you are all gonna say xmas is just about being together but it doesnt feel that way. yeah i got the pressies, ordered the food, but there are cards for the neighbours that have to be delivered but my daughter being a teenager is too embarrassed to deliver them, so there they are sat there staring at me, as is the unfinished fireplace, nothing at the front door, no staircase done and feeling very useless.
dont know what else to say , am going to put my hands in hot then cold water.
Really struggling guys dont know what to do
Axx
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allanah
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So sorry to hear this, in sure your mum will change her own bed I know mine would !, shingles on top of every thing else that is bad !, have they given you aciclovir.? As far as I can remember I didnt get diahorrea with this though it was over ten years ago when I contracted chicken pox in my 30s!, canestan cream should sort out bum.. get some probiotics or live yoghurt drinks too!
May get a taxi sorted if your friends/ family cant help.,I think that your daughter should be able to help deliver cards?.I have real issues with hands my wax bath came out of retirement two weeks ago they really help!, Xmas is strange for me too., it is v long key and not organised, dad has two operations cancelled now!, the last of which meant he would be in over Xmas, so low key not really happening in a big way this year x
oh Summer, I know how you feel obviously re cancelled op, mine was 4 times and going on the trolley for the second time I told the porter to run in case they cancelled again. Will get someone to get me canesten....see again with the asking aargh. thinking of you. Ye i am taking the acyclovir , on day two now. Axx
First of allanah,nobody will mind and i'm sure your mum will not worry about getting herself to yours and making her bed herself,just knowing that your on the mend is enough for her. Cards if katy is so embarressed,get her to deliver them at night that way noone will see her..
Now to you.Yes i know how hard it is for you,i had a plaster cast on my leg a couple of years ago and boy is it frustrating.Your impatient to be on the mend and it is not happening is it.Start setting yourself a few small goals to help you get over the op. EG;survive xmas day,then new years day and before you know where you are the brace will soon be coming off and think what you will feel like.Start thinking some of the obscurd things that have happened during this stressful time and turn it into laughter.
Thanks, good idea, didnt think of the night delivery. I have been watching the door in case a "nice neighbour" passes with their card, but they scoot of before i can get to the door. Thanks for the hugs xx
Perhaps you could put your cards in a water proof box by the door with a note explaining things, and asking people to help themselves? I am sure your mum can manage, no doubt she would be upset to think of you this down and worried.
It will get better, but you are having a tough time poor thing, I hope you do feel better soon, take care, Cazx
Xxxxxx thanks, eventually the teenager went out with them......in the dark xxxx
dear allanah, first of all congrats with coping with a bucket load of poo (wanted to say crap but not sure if rude words get censored!). secondly, Christmas is just one day on the calendar. ignore it for this one, silly, awful, year and brace yourself for next year. the neighbours will not put you on their blacklist unless they are really not worth knowing and next year will be a whole different ballgame. brilliant as you are, you are not God and it will be a whole lot less stressful if stuff happens without you and your family getting wound up.
our Xmas deccies are still in their box. tough! we start to move into to our new place middle of Jan after 2 hears of planning, architects and builders. have to move room by room as it is the only way I can cope. how pathetic is that? easier just to leave current home furnished and rent it out. sorry am now rambling ...... and starting to fret! so ... do what you can comfortably manage. you are still recovering from a major operation which has been horrendous and you should be proud of yourself. God, Jesus, Mary and Joseph will take a raincheck this year and look forward to seeing you in 2013! Xxx Virge
thanks Virge, that does put it into perspective, moving house has to be much more stressful. i think its cos i am on my own a lot with hubby working and my girl studying and school and then everything feels harder and more painful , thanks Ax
good sense as ever from people.... Your friends and family will understand, and you could always have another Xmas when you feel more up to it in spring? One year I ended up doing Xmas in April as felt so rotten over the winter, so postponed it completely. Concentrate on resting and feeling better, so hope your shingles don't hang around long (shingle bells, shingle bells, shingle all the way. Oh what fun it's not when you're itching all the way...) Polly
Ah now Polly you have mad me smile, thanks, ye it will all happen, just feeling down and useless tonight watching them. A
Polly, I am still giggling at your choice of words. last year we went away for our pre- Christmas weekend with children and grandchildren and I got shingles on my head. spent the entire time trying to pretend that I was not picking scabs on my head - failed miserably when one child said in loud voice ' ugghh what is that on your head, it is horrible." I nearly took his Xmas gift back and stood on it! xxx virgw
So you know what shingles is like but I cant believe its on the bl....dy wound, unbelievable, but i do think the xmas song. will be sung in our house, tomorrow when i am not feeling like such a blooming wimp, and when you hear what others are going through in America, how dare I complain really, just very selfish of me Ax
complain all you like it makes you feel better are you sure its shingles? when ive had ops before psoriasis breaks out on the wound not last time but I think that was due to mtx as all psoriasis has gone for the firt time in over 20 yrs
oh really, the Doc looked at it and saw the blisters so they seem to think it is, but will ask when they come back tomorrow xx
Oh Allanah its just good to have you back even with shingles, the runs and feeling totally hacked off. Poor you though. And actually, although things do get put in perspective for me thinking of you - and for you thinking of those poor, poor people in the States - its just really essential to have a good moan. You can always play Barry M so loudly that the neighbours come by to complain and the hand them their Xmas cards with the sweetest of smiles - or point to the mantelpiece wherever the are and then flash your shingles covered wound at them for good measure? That should get you out of neighbourly Xmas card exchanges for a lifetime?! I don't bother with Xmas cards for neighbours. Waving is quite enough and if they live next door then we see each other enough to not need cards. Take care and moan away anytime you want to. Xxxx
I know but there is a bit of competition that i got sucked into as we all moved in the same week and only one family has moved, so they all know each other well. But yeah i know its not needed but just so annoying ! Good tip on the loud Barry though and i apologized to hubby and Katy for being so miserable today. He hugged me and katy said " were you?" oh well... Axx
you are going through the mill arent you, one thing on top of another, its great that you ahve such a good family though and whilst you might feel frustrated and not want to put on them they have been your rock through your recent surgery and am sure will do everything to help that they can.
xmas is about spending time with family and enjoying each others company and not the show of the decorations so try to enjoy your time together and not fret about the unimportant things which have become part of the season but are not really needed.
gentle hugs and hoping you feel better soon crisxx
Thanks Cris, i know its shallow, but its just been my build up to xmas. I do charitable things to but cant do them this year. And i was always the one running the xmas parties( u know i love a good party) and i haven't been able to do that. When i knew the op was November i knew it would affect xmas plans and thought i would not bother about it, i think its just because i am having a tough time that i am focusing on this. It will all come good i expect and next month will be better in the new year, i hope. Starting a course at the hospital ( and hope i am well enough) on "living with arthritis" so there is my new start.
Also does anyone know what these lumps in my hand might be ? Axx
The lumps arent rheumatoid nodules are they allanah, I have a very tight tendon in the palm of my hand which is lumpy this goes from my lifeline to the base of my thumb could it be that.
Have you read your blog from last xmas, that might put things into perspective
No thanks I will look?! Saw doc again today and he says its tendinitis which usually is slow and progressive and amazed this has come on over the weekend, also gabapentin for the nerve paina!!! Axx
Just read it and thanks So much for reminding me how much they all helped last year, you r right, they will help and I will have a good time, really lots of thanks for that, it really helped! Axx
You are doing a job of work there, recovering. It's never easy partly because it involves letting people you love do things that you might do rather better (and will, in years to come) but the fact is you've got your work cut out for you & you are getting on with it, it's not 'nothing' it's hard toil. I'm so, so wishing you well, be patient and enjoy the efforts of those around you which is the biggest gift you can give them. (In your shoes I'd probably be more impatient so it's a case of easily said, I know!) xx
Can't really add anything to what's already been said. Just wanted to say sorry you're feeling bad at the moment - hope you get some relief soon. Don't feel bad about others having to do it all this year. Your family sound wonderful - I'm sure they are more than willing to help out.
i do hope you get better soon i was wondering how your opp whent after the cansalation.
and that by no means was not a small operation.
so you look after yourself while you are trying to mend. i know its frustrating i used to watch the wife doing the garden thinking she should not be doing that its my job.
People matter. You cannot be a "rescuer" of other people all the time, sometimes you have to be the one other people do things for.
I found this the most difficult change to make - from being the one everyone else lent on, to being the person people had to do things for. Think how good you felt when you did things for other people. Now give them a chance to feel like that doing things for you.
Ditto to all the above. Allanah you cannot be all things to all people, take a step back and dont worry about xmas. Its only one day and soon over. Look ahead to next xmas instead. This time next year you will remember how things were and I'm sure you willsmile about it. Keep moaning to us it will keep you sane. Xxxx
Well mum arriving and I don't have any of the nice foods for Xmas, she comes by train so won't be able to drive, but maybe we can get a taxi if I can feel better soon to get out and about Axx
Thanks and so hope it won't be long, doc gave me loads of stuff today so cross fingers lol Axx
Your mum will help I know it.. it will all work out get that taxi.. in which Nhs trust do you work/ get your treatment?. Up with bad flare since 2am feeling sick with pain work will hate it but tough im not going in i struggled yesterday.. have drs appoint thur morning.
I worked in three areas, north tees and Hartlepool, south tees and Redcar and Cleveland. My last job was north tees which I loved but most of my career was south tees university hospital. Didn't get any perks though for getting op cancelled. Glad you resting as I said on your blog, u need a rest and therefore sending you Internet love and warm hugs my friend xxA
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Finally got my Neurosurgeon appointment! 
Off the subject, but had to share this.
Bad tempered and very tired.
