Big Argument last night

[zimmie]

I guess its the same old story for some of us, its getting our point of view across to other people, people who dont have RA my argument is you dont have it so how can you fully understand but you cant have children so you dont understand either. My point is i am very frustrated a lot of the times by the RA whereas childbirth can be a one,two,three,four and so on event. My pain is constant that can and does affect the mind eventually.

[Sharon56]

Sorry zimmie to read your blog. who did u have your argument with.

[zimmie]

it was a mail from someone who does not have RA but used childbirth as a comparison, i understand their point of view but they do not understand mine. Thanks for the reply

[madme1 in reply to zimmie]

Most people think RA is on old person's disease. They don't understand how it can affect you immune system, nor the fact that it's not just your joints that are affected but your muscles as well! It's so frustrating when I hear people saying oh your using your walker today, not your wheelchair, so therefore you must be feeling better!!!!!! I actually responded to one person and said the fact of the matter is that no I'm not feeling better, its down to personal choice. I also have to consider the space where I'm going to be, will it accomodate a wheelchair or a walker? Will I be in anyone's way, does the building have disabled access? All this actually causes stress, both mental and physical, thus increasing any flare ups. That's ok though, because it's invisible to anyone except me! Her reply, 'I apologise for my misconception, we are not all doctors you know,' and stormed off 🙄

[Hidden]

Hi Zimmie,

Whoever your argument needs to think of there pain from childbirth and think off feeling like that everyday!

Really annoyes me too when people think them having osteo in there big toe is the same as what we go through with RA!

I agree the constant pain from RA defo affects the mind, I used to have a memory like an elephant and never forget aanything, now I have to think when someone asks my name!

Try not to get to upset by the argument, it might not be completly there fault that they are ignorant!!

[Gina_K]

Hi Zimmie, I read your post and did'nt understand initially but do now, it is one of the hardest things to come to terms with, the ignorance as to what RA really means as opposed to osteo and other forms of arthritis. I have 3 kids and I'd have labour pains anyday compared to the ongoing nature & fatigue of RA, not that there is any comparison and I don't want to start another argument. At least there is a reward at the end of giving birth!!!

[Hidden]

Hi Zimmie,people like them you have to learn to ignore I'm afraid. I've had RA 17yrs and still get the same attitude from some people.

Don't let them upset you there simply not worth it.

As for it affecting the mind/memory I'm like Julie I just can't remember the simplest of things sometimes.

That's why I love this site we all have it (unfortunately) but we also understand it!

mand xx

[Hidden]

people have no idea,who havent got ra!!, they can be insenitive, often its because not out ward sign maybe a few funny shaped fingers or somethnig(me) if you had a plaster cast or were in a wheel chair, people would be more caring?, it is often lack of knowledge or ignorance?, the favorite one to get is are you better now, after boeng off work with a bad flare!!. think the only answer is better than I WAS!. Ihave my ownchair and workstation coutersy of occupational therapy/ occupational health, cos sometimes my spine is v bad too, my lower lumber verebrea are fused!, people will think nothing of parking their lazy ass there with no regard to how I AM FEELING ! ,and I have to ask them to move, there is a certain amount of terminal sharing, I work the rich nhs!, my chair cost£115 only thought amost 2 years ago and it was a fight to get the approvel to buy it...

[Tiasteph]

How annoying & insesitive!! Childbirth pain equals a huge result…a baby!! Worth it…totally!

RA pain equals a life long daily battle, grrrr some people :(( are best ignored!

[emandedmum]

I have given up trying to explain RA to people. They ask how you are, knowing that they've not seen you for a week (I'm talking about school run) and when you say 'ah, not so good this week' they then blast you with 'well, I woke up and couldn't move my neck, it's now in my back, sciatica you know, so painful...'

Yes, we know all about pain, fellow sufferers understand but 'normal' folk don't have a clue. We can't blame them really. They can only imagine what it would be like by comparing it to the most pain they've felt which might well be childbirth. I think trying to explain RA to other people is the equivilant of trying to explain labour to a man - you just ain't gonna succeed!

[Rabs]

Yes, I am fully aware of how you felt. PEOPLE do not just understand the

daily pain , fatigue, frustrating of not being able to do certain jobs.

I had a blind fitted on my front room window this morning. Kindly I

offerred the 'chap' a coffee , but could I open the new jar of coffee!. So

I took the jar to the 'chap' his response "You feeling weak this

morning do you ?" Well he nearly had his coffee poured over him.

We all bite our tongue so often, perhaps we should re-tort more

often.

Rose

[zimmie]

Its been a good topic to discuss, i am not being selfish or lacking understanding about the pains of childbearth i want you all to know that, I am full of admiration for all the People who have RA and gone through childbirth, and i am guessing it distracted you away from the RA pain for however long the baby took to show its head. Once again i thank you all for your input.

[minka]

to true no one sees it do they doctors dont have an idea unless they have had it.

[Izabella81]

Hi Zimmie,

It seems people will never fully understand. Last night i had a fight with My SISTER of all people. She is constantly accusing me of being tired and boring and acting like someone in their 70's (im only 36). She stoped coming round on weekends and making plans with me because she feels im always tired or sickly.

And unfortunately she isnt the only one who is making me feel bad about myself ...bottom line is people will never understand untill they get stuck with RA and other like diseases. There is a huge difference between feeling tired or in pain due to difderent circumstances and what we have daily for ther rest of our lives.

This group has been a life saver. It gave me a chance to connect with others who understand and have really good suggestions and tips on how to deal.

Anyone else can go stuff it.

[zimmie]

Lost count of the number of so-called friends who for whatever reason deem me unworthy of contact, their loss I guess.

Think maybe your sister needs educating on RA, it's a slow process believe me, and even then not 100% guaranteed to work out for you.

Having Arthur has made me see the people,world totally different and I wouldn't change it at all