Off topic physically assulted : Hi there. I just... - NRAS


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Off topic physically assulted

Sebastian247 profile image
60 Replies

Hi there. I just wanted to talk to someone.I was seriously assulted on Thursday. The son of a neighbour attacked me when i was outside my back door. He dragged me to the ground pinned me down and strangled me. I couldn't breathe and he banged my head on the concrete.

He continued to drag me down our drive me and strangled me again. After several minutes he got off me and I stood up. He attacked me again and threw me against our car, which is now dented and dragged me to the floor and strangled me again.

As soon as it started my wife phoned the police and was talking to them and watching as he attacked me. She was terrified.

During the attack when i could shout I told him we were phoning the police. He said oh you tried to punch me, I'm restraining you. Totally made up, to try and get out of being prosecuted.

It started because he repeatedly rakes up and throws leaves from his mother's lawn on to our garden. And I had the audacity to throw them back.

I honestly thought he might kill me. The police said my wife wasn't an independent witness so it's my word against his. It's hard to believe what's happened or that he might not be prosecuted. He was totally out of control. So we're really worried what he might do next.

It's two days after and I'm at the MIU after phoning 111 with chest pain. I think it's bruised or cracked ribs. My neck and back hurt too. I've had back pain for a while due to the RA or fibromyalgia. It's a lot worse at the moment.

Sorry to unload like this. Its so knocked my confidence and self esteem.


60 Replies
Oshgosh profile image

if you have a mobile take a video.

What can’t speak can’t be contradicted . Thinking of you x

Sebastian247 profile image
Sebastian247 in reply to Oshgosh

My wife had to choose between phoning the police and speaking to them and filming the assault. I knew video evidence would help, but what a choice to have to make. The police were still asking her questions on the phone by the time he'd stopped attacking me.

Oshgosh profile image
Oshgosh in reply to Sebastian247

please don’t think I was being judgmental. I was a bit concerned after I’d sent it.

It was just that my children/grandkids are so quick to film / photograph things.

At present m practicing to get faster at videos/photographs. I’m hoping that you have suffered no long lasting damage has been done.

Perhaps you need to get some contact with victim support for your wife as well as yourself please keep in touch xx

Sebastian247 profile image
Sebastian247 in reply to Oshgosh

Honestly its fine. Even while I was led on the floor with him strangling me I was thinking was it better if she videoed the attack. He'd long left by the time the police came so she might as well have. Except it would have been even more distressing for her to just stand and film it. We are waiting for victim support to contact us.

sylvi profile image

That is horrendous for you to have to go through. If the police are not going to do anything, take a private prosecution against the person concerned. Get the police no of them. xx

Sebastian247 profile image
Sebastian247 in reply to sylvi

Thanks. I don't know anything about a private prosecution. But if the police don't charge him I try to find out about it.

wb54 profile image
wb54 in reply to Sebastian247

The problem with private prosecution is primarily the cost with the cost sometimes running into thousands of pounds. I would have a word with Citizens Advice and have a look at Gov.UK, just search for Private Prosecution. Good luck, dreadful times we live in.

medway-lady profile image
medway-lady in reply to Sebastian247

If its a criminal offence and the police or rather the Crown Prosecution Service who actually decide on a prosecution say no case to answer then the most you can in all likely hood achieve is he gets a warning under caution. Did any neighbours see or hear anything and didn't you go to hospital where a policeman would have been informed and you're injuries photographed. If you don't think you have a very strong case then you'll spend a fortune and probably too not much avail. I'd urge you to install a Ring doorbell or a similar mechanism to record anything within the parameters of your property but be careful if you take images of someone for whatever reason outside of that area you are the one who might get into trouble. If you live in Social housing it might be a good idea to advise them and just a quick point about the leaves; is the tree in your garden as he then might have the right to return your property. So please be careful your in a difficult situation and although clearly the victim of a serious assault you must ensure that your not inflaming the situation and he is clearly seen as the unprovoked assailant not responding to your actions. I'd get some security advice, make sure your gates are locked and that there are no overgrowing bushes etc that could hide any potential incident.So you have him or anyone else in a clear line of sight. xx

Fruitandnutcase profile image

Oh my goodness, that is absolutely horrific. It must have been terrifying for both you and your wife. I hope for your sake that the police will take it seriously and deal with him properly.

Sebastian247 profile image
Sebastian247 in reply to Fruitandnutcase

We hope so too. If they don't it'll be even worse for us. He feel empowered and exonerated. And who knows what he'll do then.

MadBunny profile image

No, please don't apologise , you have been through a dreadful ordeal and you need to talk. That's what we're here fur, to listen. I am so sorry to hear what has happened. I can't begin to imagine what it must have been like for you both, it must have been terrifying. Sending you and your wife love and hugs 🤗

Sebastian247 profile image
Sebastian247 in reply to MadBunny

Thank you so much. I haven't slept for two nights now. Its obviously really distressed us both.

3LittleBirds2 profile image


.This is awful, but sadly reading about incidents like this a lot!

Please don't apologise..I hope you're getting help now and it makes it worse that you had no support from the police!

Hoping for your sake it doesn't happen again and thinking of you. X

Sebastian247 profile image
Sebastian247 in reply to 3LittleBirds2

Thank you. These messages are so kind.

3LittleBirds2 profile image
3LittleBirds2 in reply to Sebastian247

I really feel for you..our homes are supposed to be our safe places , where we relax and rest. I hope you get no further trouble but as others have suggested, fitting CCTV or a Ring camera etc would be so beneficial.

Marienan profile image

Yes and again please don't apologize you did nothing wrong let me tell you I live next to my brother in law and his dogs are always pooping in my yard I don't know why they do this but either way I get a shovel and throw it back in his yard of course he doesn't give me grief over this because he knows I'm right my dogs don't go poop in his yard. But what an awful situation to be put in you are only doing what's right and we can all see it. Who does that throws leaves in the neighbors yard. He's an idiot excuse my language but he's big enough to rake them them up he can surely dispose of them like he's supposed to. There's no reason to take out anyone's anger in another person no excuse either. But you know what they say "Karma is a B@=%H and she's coming for them."

Either way I hope you don't suffer some kinda bodily damage from this awful situation and yes nowadays police seem to be no help anymore its sad to say but it's true in many cases. But I hope the New Year brings you some peace with this awful neighbor of yours. Stay strong and stand your ground he probably just wants you to give in and say oh it's ok I'll clean up your mess... lazy ass people. .LOL. but sending healing thoughts your way...

Gnarli profile image

That's absolutely shocking! If it can be managed, perhaps installing cctv cameras would give either evidence or peace of mind or both. These nasty bullies need to be stopped by the authorities. I hope, sincerely, that your injuries heal quickly and that justice can be brought to that violent bully. I'm not surprised your confidence has been shaken anybody would feel the same.

Knip profile image
Knip in reply to Gnarli

That's a great idea Gnarli. It might actually deter another attack if the police don't take action this time with a restraining order. I'm guessing that Sebastian lives in the UK and I sincerely hope, Sebastian, that you and your wife will recovery quickly, both physically and emotionally. It must have been really traumatic for both of wife. God Bless.

TheBoys profile image

gosh - this is awful. Are you in the US?

What will be the outcome do you think - will he be prosecuted?

This actually fits in with a discussion I had the other day. Whereas 7 or 8 years ago I could have fought back or ran away from a fight or attack- now it is impossible so feel incredibly vulnerable. At this stage I console myself knowing I have a walking stick ( 56 years old - not bad lol) but was considering more effective protection plus a camera. This is a dangerous and menacing world.

Hoping you recover and get justice!

nomoreheels profile image

How utterly despicable, no need at all to apologise. I’m not surprised it's knocked your confidence. It sounds as though he has anger & self-control issues, to say the bleeping obvious, he needs reporting. I understand why the police said what they did but something has to be done to hold him to account. I know it's not exactly what's needed but filming him throwing the leaves onto your garden next time it happens may be of help at some stage. Proof that he was the instigator should anything happen again, avoiding conflict though. Obviously I don't want you to face what you just have again but how else are you to have him prosecuted & also pay for damage to your car as a result of the assault? It's a difficult one but hopefully you don't have any lasting damage.

Is his Mother an amiable neighbour? If she is, & if she isn't aware that he's throwing the leaves onto your garden, that may resolve the situation in future, if she has any influence on him that is.

Have those who attended you in Minor Injuries not asked how you received your injuries? They may have another take on how you could pursue it. You'll be fortunate if you don't go headlong into flare with the stress so do contact your Rheumy team if it does happen, though it goes without saying but I truly hope you don't, you don't need that on top of the pain from the incident.

Mmrr profile image

How awful, I do hope that you have no serious lasting physical effects. The mental shock takes a bit more time to deal with, but you will recover your mental strength through time. Best wishes to you.

wishbone profile image

While the police may have been correct about your word against his, I can't understand why they didn't have a word with him, which would make him think twice before using violence against you again. CCTV cameras would be a good deterrent. Hope you feel better soon.

benjijen profile image

I assume you must have had problems with him before as was such an extreme attack by him. Cameras are much cheaper now and could be worth installing. Ring police from landlines and video with mobile phone; although I'm sure that wasn't uppermost in you're wife's mind at time. I hope you recover soon. X

Cas85 profile image

So sorry this happened - how awful!! I hope the police arrested him?

Durrell profile image

what a shocking experience you have been through.. I think the way he spouted off to you seemingly knowing how the system works, I’m sure he’s known for past behavior.. I’m with Gnali here put up some cctv, not overly expensive & some easy to fit. Though ensure it’s high enough he can’t sabotage it in anyway, this would give you peace of mind.. but what an ordeal you’ve been through.. so so wrong 🙏🏻.

Maureengibson profile image

I am truly shocked that a neighbour could act like this. Although the physical injury will heal quickly, the psychological impact will take longer. I hope the police do pursue it. If this had been a female in an allay with no witnesses, they wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss it. Hopefully another witness may come forward to help, if not I’d consider a private prosecution. Otherwise as you say, if no action is taken he’ll feel empowered. I am so sorry for what you have gone through, and definitely feel both you & your wife seek support. Take care of yourself, and fingers crossed he gets prosecuted 🤗

Lollybygolly profile image

this is horrendous. I agree about the private prosecution. Please consider getting cameras like a Ring camera put up out of reach so any escalation can be recorded. Do you have any well built friends who can visit regularly to show you’re not unprotected? Bullies are usually cowards. Keep a log from now on of any further incidents with times dates and if poss camera images. I wish I lived near! His mother deserves a talking to. A Pastor might help or a school counsellor if he’s a student

ruth_p profile image

I’m so sorry to hear this, have any of your neighbours got CCTV or video doorbells that might have caught what happened? You have injuries so they can’t just say it’s your word against his and dismiss your wife. He could have killed you, what if he does next time!?! This also can’t be the first time he’s done something like this. Take photos of your injuries because I’m sure he must have left some bruises. Take this as evidence to the police. It’s disgusting that they have dismissed this case before even looking for any evidence.

Ernie52 profile image

Install video cameras the outdoor ones. One covering back one covering front. We have the Blink system others available. Records to your phone when triggered by movement. It's an angry world where little things we would not have noticed before, or been able to ask neighbours to stop doing things that made your life even harder, now become major issues some even leading to murders?The Police have to be able to corroborate an alleged crime before getting past the CPS for a prosecution

Get those cameras up might be January sales on them on Amazon or other places.

Hope you have a safer and happier New Year

MidnightBlue2001 profile image

Oh my gosh! This is so horrible. What is wrong with these people??!!! I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. Did the police ask you if you had injuries? I understand they are saying your word against his but if your car is damaged and you have injuries then that should be looked into.

This monstrous neighbour should be be locked up. I can just imagine how violent this person under the influence or alcohol or drugs. A very dangerous individual. Did you explain to the hospital what had happened to you? So there is a medical record of it? Another thing you can do is contact your nearest Citizens Advice and see if they can help you. It's free and at least they can inform you what can/can't be done. Sorry for the long message and questions but I'm just concerned. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

DelicateInput profile image

How can it be your word against his if you have injuries? Throttling someone is not acting in self defence. Speak to the CAB in the first instance and then to a solicitor. You may have to apply for an injunction. Also, as others have suggested, install a video camera albeit he might disable it. Look on your household insurance policy to see if you have any legal cover to obtain an injunction - it does not cost that much anyway.

The police should issue him with an ASBO. It is their job to look for evidence, not yours.

Try also speaking to your MP and you local council. Mind you, saying it is your word against his is the sort of rubbish they are likely to come up with. I think they have to investigate first and then it is passed to the police to issue an ASBO.

CripLady profile image

Oh dear. Sorry to hear this.

My neighbour shouted F*** Off in my face earlier this year, after I questioned why he thought it was ok for him to ask my visitors to move their cars (who were parked outside MY house); just because HE wanted to park there… Some people have real issues, and reason doesn’t come into it. I was shaken up for months and really upset about it all.

All you can do I’m afraid is keep an ‘incident log’ on his behaviours. * date and incident description* I would however include any notes from your hospital visit. I would inform the police of these medical notes, as it IS evidence which backs up what you and your wife were saying. Unfortunately, little is done in situations like this… You can contact your council (again with evidence) and state it is an Anti-Social Behaviour Issue (ASBO). This way it is officially logged.

If you and your neighbour are in Housing Association or Council properties, this would be a breach of a Tenancy Agreement {a tenant is responsible for thier guests}. So action can be taken that way also..

Sorry this is your start to the year :-(

Velvet13 profile image

sorry to hear about your attack, could you ask the neighbours if they have any door bell or car camera footage , that could help you .

Mr_Hinn profile image

Tell the Police you suspect he has a gun...they will be out in a heart beat...Or better still...tell them you've been mis gendered...they will send the whole police farce out!

Happy New Year!

McTastibobble profile image

That sounds horrific. Very sad that it has escalated to that level of violence. Can I ask if you have a history of conflict with your neighbour? I'm wondering why such a small thing has triggered such violence, was there more incidents between you that were leading up to this? No excuse, just wondering what triggered it. And why was he putting leaves in your garden, were they from your trees overhanging into his or was he just tossing any old leaves over in antisocial behaviour? I'm just wondering what bigger picture is and how you might resolve further escalations in future.

Pebblescat profile image

What a terrible thing to have happened! I’m glad u are at the hospital. The first stage is to document your injuries. You dont “restrain” someone by strangling them. And that will leave marks that are evidence. Do any of your neighbours have cctv? Do you? If not definitely get some now. Check if there is any footage or witnesses. Also someone who reacts to some leaves this badly will definitely have a history of violence. I would talk to the police again and see what can be done. Do u have a community officer who could advise you? Can you have a restraining order? I’m so sorry there is nothing more I can suggest. I hope he gets his just deserts!

phebamom profile image

When I am out in public I go out of my way not to irritate anybody, but it can take so little now to make people mad. Especially here in the US people are walking around in a rage most of the time, especially considering our political climate. It is my belief that some of our talking political heads unleashed the fevered dreams of many who were already mentally unstable. I was at a Goodwill shop last week. I am having serious blood pressure problems. I became dizzy and put my hand on a shopping cart. The owner of the shopping cart started screaming at me and threatened to kill me. She wanted to take me out to the parking lot and "beat me until I died". This because I put my hand on her shopping cart. And, I am sure the situation will get worse. So, I enjoy my own company and stay home as much as I can. I hope this situation was reported to police and the young man is prosecuted. It must be terrifying to have him right next door.

phebamom profile image

PS. I find soaking in a warm tube, in the dark, no sensory input, to be most helpful. I fell out of bed one night last week. Hurt my hip and bad bruise on my chin. I find the long peaceful soaks most helpful.

MerielPB profile image

That's terrible. I hope the police do prosecute. Good luck.

wilbertjellyfish profile image

That is horrendous. No wonder your confidence is shot, living there isn't going to be e be easy. I would imagine he has history as a sustained attack like that doesn't just happen.

Stay safe and remember there are lots of good people out there he's just not one of them.

Sebastian247 profile image

Thank you all for the messages. I'm so grateful for the support and kindness. I had intended to reply to each one but I've been overwhelmed by the number of messages. There's no news from the police yet....I don't know how long to wait until we chase them.

We don't know if he's been stopped from coming around to his mums house. If not, he would be passing within feet of our home, which is a terrible thought. It doesn't seem right he could be next door after such a serious attack.

The MIU nurse said I've bruised ribs. The police took photos of the physical injuries, bruising and scratches around my neck from being strangled and scratches across my back and head where he dragged me down our driveway.

Yes we live in the UK. And yes the whole family have been harassing us for over 20 years, started by the mother. We've received verbal abuse, vandalism to our garden and aggressive behaviour. But this assault is far more serious than anything else.

Up until now the police have disregarded our complaints, fears and concerns viewing it as a domestic dispute, even when the son (he looks about 50) threatened my wife when she was home alone trying to stop him vandalising our garden. Hence my serious concern they won't act even after this.

We are both struggling with anxiety and feeling very depressed at the moment. We're still waiting for victim support to contact us. Everything seems so slow, to us anyway.

I'd like to respond to more messages, but I wanted to say thank you to everyone for the support, kindness and advice. We both are very touched and so grateful. Seb.

McTastibobble profile image
McTastibobble in reply to Sebastian247

20 years of abuse! That is awful, I am so sorry you have had to deal with that. Not being able to live peacefully in your own home is not on. I feel anguish for you that police have done nothing up until now. Don't they realise that doing nothing has led to this attack on yourself. I was thinking there might have been a way to calm the situation and mediate, but from sounds of it they sound like neighbours from hell. I am sending you positive thoughts that the police will act this time around and the guy is prosecuted.

Green230461 profile image

this is dreadful do you have any camera footage? Write down everything that happened to you for reference. Speak to police again.

Sebastian247 profile image
Sebastian247 in reply to Green230461

No video footage. My wife was on the phone to the police so couldn't video the attack. But I'll be getting cctv of some sort. Thank you for the kindness.

Green230461 profile image
Green230461 in reply to Sebastian247

Hope the police are taking it seriously. Take care

sivas profile image

Sorry to hear this happened. Since the neighbor was on YOUR property, the police should take that into account. You must immediately put up "No Tresspassing" signs on your property along with cctv cameras to cover every angle around the house. If financially feasible, get a survey done and put up a fence between your properties. Survey is important if there are no prior boundary markers.

Sebastian247 profile image
Sebastian247 in reply to sivas

I agree about him attacking me on our property should tell the police something about his intentions. He has never come on to our property before. He didn't come to wish me happy Christmas! Our boundaries are very clearly demarcated. Yes I will be looking into cctv. Thanks so much for your kind thoughts and advice.

Celticdancer profile image

I`m really sorry this has happened to you but please don`t show this man any weakness otherwise he will think he can do it again and next time he might kill you. He`s obviously a psychopath as he certainly can`t control his emotions to attack you over something so trivial. The police won`t do anything as they`re overworked and understaffed, it`s the same everywhere. You need to learn self defence ASAP. Krav Maga is the best which is Israeli combat training or any self defence is better than none as knowing just a few moves may save your life. There are loads of martial arts/self defence tutorials on youtube that can teach you how to get out of a hold when someone has you pinned against the wall/floor/car etc, how to disarm someone with a knife or a gun, how to stop someone who is strangling you etc etc.

You should do this as a minumum to protect yourself and your family and your wife the same. You could practise self defence with each other or do it in class. Find a good martial arts instructor and explain what happened to you so they can help you. Be tough and never show any mercy if anyone ever attacks you. If you`re in the US get a gun ASAP and don`t be afraid to use it. Many states allow people to use their guns in self defense. If you`re in the UK then always have something in your pocket that you can use in self defense like a set of keys, swiss army knife, can of deodorant etc so you can use it to help get a person off you by distracting them by for example spraying them in the eyes with the deodorant which will blind the attacker for a few seconds enabling you to get away, smack the keys in their eyes etc.

You have every right to defend yourself as the police, CPS clearly won`t help you. A martial arts instructor who had served in the parachute regiment told me to defend my life at all costs. He said it`s better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6 meaning defend yourself even if it results in death for the other person. No normal person sets out to harm another but if that is what happens then better to be sitting in a prison cell than dead.

There is an area in a very rural state in a America, can`t remember which one, where the sheriff was telling the public to make sure they have a good guard dog and a gun as the cutbacks in the police were so bad that they didn`t have enough police officers to cover the area safely. It`s like this everywhere now in many countries with cutbacks. It`s becoming more like the Wild West.

Also if you are able to get a good guard dog that has a good bite on it and good guarding instincts like a german shepherd etc. A cockapoo, golden retriever etc has no more use than a cuddly toy in a dangerous situation. I`ve visited many countries around the world some of them very dangerous like South Africa and it`s absolutely standard practice for people to have good guard dogs (often several), CCTV, high gates and fencing and to know self defence otherwise criminals will see you absolutely as an easy target.

If anyone thinks what I`ve said is too extreme then please say hello to the grim reaper as it`s your funeral.

embroy profile image

So sorry to hear about your fall, but you have to be strong and have a great recovery. Wish you a speedy recovery. All the best ❤️

Sebastian247 profile image
Sebastian247 in reply to embroy

Thanks for your thoughts and kindness. I wouldn't call being assualted a fall but I appreciate the sentiment.

strongmouse profile image

If you have injuries then I would let the police know again and ask them to relook at the incident. Using violence in any disagreement is assault. Doesn't matter who started it. Take photos of any bruises or cuts you have. Bruising can show up after the event. If you do have any broken ribs or internal injuries then ask the doctor for a report and a copy of any x-rays.

Definitely talk to Victim Support. They may be able to advise you on ways of keeping yourself safe. You may be able to make a complaint about the way the police handled the incident.

What a horrible thing to go through. I pray that justice is done and this man can harm no-one else, especially you and your wife.

Sebastian247 profile image
Sebastian247 in reply to strongmouse

Thanks for your kind thoughts and advice. The police took photos of my injuries, and we took our own as well. The MIU didn't x-ray my ribs, saying its bruising. But I will be contacting the police to update them about it.

I emailed the PC last night, with as he requested photos of the dents in our car and to ask what is happening. I received an automated reply he's on leave for a week. Not a great start. He never told us when he was at our home he was going on leave.

I'm going to phone the station today to try and find out what's been done so far. I have no confidence in the police at all. Our anxiety levels are sky high.

3LittleBirds2 profile image
3LittleBirds2 in reply to Sebastian247

No, and I don't blame you for not having any confidence in them either. Keep badgering them and god forbid it happens again, gather as much evidence as you can. Without evidence there's not much they can do..but these things can and do quickly they should surely be taking it seriously. The road next to me, had a group of men trying car doors on New Year's Day was picked up by Ring Doorbells and now we're all on alert. Best wishes and hope things calm down for you. X

4201 profile image

So sorry that this happened. Please get better. I do hope they can prosecute this individual.

SarahW-NRAS profile image

So sorry to hear that this has happened, Sebastian247. Our helpline is back up and running after the break and is open Monday- Friday 09:30 to 16:30 if you would like someone to talk to about this awful experience.

Sebastian247 profile image
Sebastian247 in reply to SarahW-NRAS

Thanks Sarah. I'd be grateful to talk to someone. I didn't realise I could use the helpline to talk about non RA things.

SarahW-NRAS profile image
SarahW-NRASPartner in reply to Sebastian247

Hi, normally speaking we are only for RA related topics, but I felt on this occasion it sounded like it was quite a serious event.

Lex54 profile image

Hi Sebastian That is a terrible attack . I don't know where you are but in Scotland you don't need a witness anyway also surely your injuries and damage to your car is sufficient evidence. You need to make a complaint against this person and the police should not disregard this crime . Yes I would get cctv cameras or ring doorbell cameras but your wife wouldn't have known what to do. The telephone call to the police is also evidence. Keep a note if everything even leaves. He'll do this again so be ready for this and ensure you're protected!

The procurator fiscal is who decides if someone is prosecuted. You need to go to your gp as well and ask them to document the attack this and Miu are evidence.

Stay safe and wishing you a speedy recovery. Don't let this person get the better of you, chin up and be aware of the psycho living next door . He will be caught if you make sure you continue to report this and demand police follow this up. Get a video bell and take care !

Lex54 profile image
Lex54 in reply to Lex54

sorry for the misspelling Pets 😕 predictable text not always good.

Thirtynine39 profile image

your wife had three choices.

1. Call the police

2. Video the incident

3. Whack his head with a chair or a metal pipe or pour hot oil on him

It’s the third option for me.

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