So it's been a strange old day, I feel I've been on a rollercoaster ride and I want to get off. I guess my situation has become clear here today. So I won't go on too much about it all. I can hear my neighbours from my window, one of them is shouting out "I'm dying!" In an overly dramatic way, it's aimed at me, these people have made my life hell since they moved in there...and now it's clearly a joke as word gets round what has happened to me and my new diagnosis of rheumatoid lung....I dont know why I'm even posting this here, it's not really even important at all....but still, I've done so much to help so many people around me. I spent two weeks in hospital and have been home five days, but no one bothered to check on my kids whilst I was gone, I'm lucky my older sons are old enough to take responsibility of the house and their younger siblings, but nobody cared. Two years ago I had literally hundreds of "friends" my phone never stopped and I drove around everywhere doing everything for everyone.....then I got rheumatoid arthritis, and my world stopped. I've wasted two years mostly bed bound because of the pain, had I known I would end up fatally ill at 38 I wouldn't have waited to get better to carry on living, now all I can do is sit here and wait. Now I'm going to ask advice, (dons tin hat) please do not come to rant on the steroid debate, believe me I know the ramifications but I'm currently on 30mgs Prednisone daily, it is my only option at this time and whilst not ideal, as my lungs are seriously involved, they are right now the only thing keeping me alive. However at 30mgs (heck I'm meant to taper eventually to 10mgs) I and my DR's expected that my rheumatoid arthritis would not flare up, even without any RA drugs, steroids should be keeping the inflammation down across the board....but omg it's really not as shown in the present photo. The pain is hitting full force across my whole body and I'm already on fairly heavy duty pain relief patches. I cannot go on the ra drugs as my lungs are beyond damaged I don't know what to do. But I stepped in the kids paddling pool this evening, I haven't tried anything like that for two years whilst this disease has ravaged me....I guess the dramatic "I'm dying!" Bit which may seem funny to other has at least nudged me in the right direction that I am doing things just in hopes of some enjoyment. But my joints really are on fire
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