How do i explain how life has been and how i am feeli... - NRAS

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How do i explain how life has been and how i am feeling......

sylvi profile image
57 Replies

As you all know i have had surgery for my weight as i saw my weight going up and up and being unable to move in the future. Well nearly six months later i have lost four stone in weight(14lbs to a stone) and yes i am more mobile and no i still can't walk far.

 Just laterly i haven't been able to feel excitement on my weight loss and i don't know why. I have still got all my health issues,which in my mind i did think would ease off, but they haven't. Easter Monday i was down at out of hours surgery as i thought i had a chest infection(well i was bringing up some nasty green plegm)  Doctor checked me over and said it was a viral infection and gave me steroids(am asthmatic as well) as he thought the breathing was because my asthma was giving me a hard time. Well if nothing else the steroids for seven days at 30mgs a day certainly helped my pain in my back. What it has left me with is to be unable to much at all,i do try and do things,but even that little lot was becoming impossible.

  I think i expected this operation to magically get rid of all my illnesses and it hasn't. Though i am coming through the infection now and am off the steroids (thank goodness) and my pain is not as bad as it was before them,i still  feel not down or anything like that just ambliviant to it all,like perhaps i am in limbo or something. The hospital is very pleased with my progress,so why can't i. I am getting an ultrasound on my hands and also some hand therapy as since i stopped the steroids last year they have suffered. I know i am not depressed as i have been down that dark road before,but this is something different and i don't know what it is.

   On a high note i can see a difference now in my body structure \nd it is nice to see the tops of my legs and my tummy is shrinking and my boobies as well and the clothes buying is easier and it is costing me money.

I hope yoiur all well and if anyone can explain my feelings please feel free to comment. Big gentle hugs to you all.xxxxx

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sylvi
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57 Replies
Deejojo profile image
Deejojo

Aww sweetheart a very well done to the weight loss I know that feeling though have been down that road with the weight loss lost mine through Sw I still go to group cos if I didn't it would be a slippery slope I only had 2 stone to lose but it doesn't matter how u have to lose its the person inside that counts your a lovely lovely 🤗👏🏻Lady and I like most people on this site look upto you for what you have gone through and more keep that chin up🤔🤗😺no more negatives just think of me gotta ring docs at 12? To see if I can get in all my love xxxxxxxx

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply toDeejojo

Aww thank you darling that is so swet of you,and i hope you get on at the doctors alright.xxxx

DC56 profile image
DC56

I'm sorry to hear your not back to your old self but I think we all expect too much when we try something different but I send you love and a hug and hope you get your sparkle back soon just don't give up X X Dawn 

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply toDC56

Thank you Dawn.xxxx

nomoreheels profile image
nomoreheels

Firstly Sylvi you've done excellently since your op but I do know what you mean. Yes, you'd expect to have less pressure on your joints carrying less weight but your other issues, they're due to your health not the weight loss. Read through your post again, maybe you've answered your own question, you've explained it well. You've got over the excitement of the weight coming off & as with everything over a while it becomes routine, a different number when you're weighed not yay I've lost x pounds. You've been poorly quite often, it's probably seemed one thing after the other so it's bound to make you feel less like yourself. You're at a low ebb but once you can get on top of all your issues now you'll bounce back. x

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply tonomoreheels

Yes i have been poorly and the weather hasn't helped either. I am proud of the weight loss as the nice clothes i have brought. I am also having a holiday a wek next Monday so hopefully there will be a new me when i come back.xxxx

nomoreheels profile image
nomoreheels in reply tosylvi

Lovely, a change of scenery may lift your spirits a bit. Ok, a task, you'll be taking piccies won't you, lots of them whilst you're away? How about when you get back we'll have an exhibition/competition & maybe even you choose your fave (but don't tell us which), we vote for our fave & we'll see if we agree? Maybe the winning pic could be your new profile pic & second place is the one at the top of your profile page? x

flow4 profile image
flow4

I know exactly what you mean, Sylvi. I had a hip replacement 2 years ago, and I was not diagnosed with inflammatory arthritis at that point, so I expected to be 'fixed' after surgery. I didn't realise it at the time, but it was quite a strong belief, and so quite a big disappointment when I wasn't. And when one thing after the other started going wrong, and I finally accepted there was no 'magic wand', it was miserable. Hope is a powerful emotion, and lost hope is grim. 

The biggest difficulty with a chronic condition like ours, in my opinion, is that we have to come to terms with the fact that there is no magic wand. I am finding that I have to let go of the old me that has lost so much, and find a new me. Im trying to focus on doing positive things in the moment, right now, each day - rather than dwelling on the past or waiting for the future - and that certainly has made me feel more positive. I'm working half-time and doing art-work and swimming, and that feels good... My stupid aching body doesn't define me in the way it did when I was waiting to get better.

I dunno if that makes sense. You're fab Sylvi - a very likeable person even though I've never met you. :) Don't beat yourself up for feeling down - it's natural. It'll pass. :) x

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply toflow4

Your right you know,i do expect too much of myself. When we got married nearly 33yrs ago i always expected i would look after my hubby as he is 12yrs older than me and its turned out it is the other way around sadly. I do try and define a different me these days hence the hair and wearing pink all the time. I am well known in my area because of the way i dress and yes my attitude of not giving in to the damn thing. ||I potter round the house doing little things and i mean little as i can't do a lot now. Oh and my nails are all different colours,i can go into Tesco and i am known there by my nails. Funny isn't it when you think about it.xxxxx

Hey Sylvi, I understand it. Expectations gives positivity, but when you don't get the results you expediteur it is normal you get down at times. But while your mobilty can ben improved it is not quaranteed your pain will get less, unfortunately, but I am proud of you you lost weight, because it is allways better for your joints! I am 5,8 high and my weight is only 11,4 stone. I have a lot of pain too, and have had lots of surgery on my joints. But the less you weight is the better it is!

Hugs xxxx and all the best again, you can be proud of yourself,

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply tobassiefromholland

Thank you darling for those encouraging words.xxxxx

smithfield profile image
smithfield

Hi Sylvie, Firstly well done on you excellent weight loss it takes a lot of self discipline to achieve that amount of loss and not put it on again.

I ballooned in weight a few years ago and lost 5 stone through SW. It was exciting seeing the weight come off and shopping for new clothes . But when I got back to my normal weight . I felt low nothing left to work for and the pain and the difficulty walking was still there.

What I do now when I feel the lowness descending is think . What would my pain and mobility be like now if I had not lost that weight. NMH is right when she says it is the illness that causes the symptoms. But equally carrying extra weight is a drain on  your

mobility and energy.

Be proud of yourself and as you say you can see the difference in your body shape.So it has been worth it.

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply tosmithfield

What can i say this site and you ladies and gents have let me know how well i have done and sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else.Thank you very much.xxxx

cathie profile image
cathie

What was the timescale in which you put on weight? Just asking as maybe it'd help if you bore that in mind in your expectations. It's not easy I'm sure, just drawing on my own experience with bad knees. The first to be replaced has helped me with the steps outside our house and standing up but no miracles yet. Would it help if you could find some few markers of progress like wider choice of clothes? It's a long haul and it seems to me that you've done really well. 

Xx c

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply tocathie

I put on four stone in four months about thre years ago and couldn't get it off. I have my next goal which is my wedding dress which is a size 16 Cathie. I know i have done well and if it wasn't for the operation it would still be on me so there is somethink to be thankful for.xxxxx

cathie profile image
cathie in reply tosylvi

There'll be no future damage caused by weight gain that's a big thing. My father used to say take one day at a time. I used to find it boring but now it's helpful. Keep going, sunny days coming up (hopefully)

smithfield profile image
smithfield in reply tocathie

Cathie Is tomorrow the day for the knee op?

cathie profile image
cathie in reply tosmithfield

It is. Wobbly - inevitably going out of my comfort zone, but two people have recommended meditation - online programme called Headspace which is helping.

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply tocathie

Best of luck darling.xxxx

cathie profile image
cathie in reply tosylvi

Sorry to hijack your thread Sylvi.

I hope things are growing in your garden and it stops raining. I'm looking forward to planting herbs where my husband let them die. Mint and chives for starters! And a raid on the garden centre. I think that's what you like too?

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply tocathie

Your quite welcome darling and yes i have started things off ready to go outdoors. I have just put a load of baby spider plants in water ready to go in the garden later on. My conservatory is more like a greenhouse Cathie. Also we have tomato plants in the back bedroom as well darling.xxxx

cathie profile image
cathie in reply tosylvi

l love the smell of tomato plants!

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply tocathie

I have several types of mint,apple,chocolate,peppermint,spearmint,pepper,pineaple.xxxxx

smithfield profile image
smithfield in reply tocathie

Understand the wobble once you get there hopefully you will be fine. I think the build up before is the worst. And it feels from what you have said the staff and the care you receive at the hospital is excellent.

All the best for tomorrow hope everything goes to plan.

Take Carex

allanah profile image
allanah in reply tocathie

Good luck Cathie xx

nomoreheels profile image
nomoreheels in reply tocathie

Good luck for tomorrow Cathie. 

Sylvi,  just take one day at a time !   Things might get much better,,but then again they may not.   Some things are beyond our control, we can only do our best, that is my mantra anyway.   As I'm getting older (nearly 68) I'm finding other health problems are rushing in to join my RA/PSA, so it seems like one step forward, two steps back for me. I don't think we can look back at our former lives when we were pain free/mobile because that life has gone once the dreaded RA comes knocking at the door, it's sink or swim from that moment on !!!!!    Some might say I have given in to the wretched disease but I haven't - it's survival.      

You've had a lot going on Sylvi, maybe it's time to chill a bit and stop pushing yourself, recharge your batteries then see how you feel.  Take care  Lynda xxx

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply to

Lynda lovely words and your so right and survival is all we can do at times.xxxxx

Crusee profile image
Crusee

Hi Sylvi

Firstly congratulations on such a whopping weight loss,that is something you can certainly be proud of.My weight is becoming an issue with me and I am looking at ways to reduce it but have other medical issues which take priority to sort.

In 2013 I had an op which in my mind was going to be the answer to everything.I had previously had the same op in 2006 without any problems and it made a huge difference to me,So as far as I was concerned this one would be no different.

How wrong I was,there were numerous complications and has actually left me worse than I was before,and some of the complications are still ongoing.Before the op I had worked out in my mind all the things that I was going to do and places I was going to see.I was going to be superwoman and move mountains.Unfortunately,I had set the bar for my expectations far too high and unrealistic.The disappointment I experienced was awful,and just couldn't see all the other good things in my life that were happening around me I was just consumed by this failed op.Like you I knew I wasn't depressed but I just felt so empty and had no interest in anything.I couldn't see the wood for the trees.My general health improved and so my mindset improved rapidly.

I suspect that when some of the other medical problems you have ongoing at the moment improve you will see the positives in the dramatic weightloss and feel as pleased with yourself as the hospital are.So give yourself a huge pat on the back for such a marvellous achievement so far and keep up the good work.

I hope all goes well with your hand treatments and that you will be back to your usual sunny self soon.You put lovely pictures on this site and have sent some inspirational and kind responses to others on here.

Big hugs to you too.

Crusee

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply toCrusee

Thank you Crusee, i do try to be positive. I am of the opinion if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all. I am sorry your second op was not a success and i sure do know what your talking about. I had a knee replacement done and afterwards for months i kept telling them it wasn't right,but nobody believed me,until i got a private consutation and learnt that as i was knock kneed they had put a straight joint in a bent leg. So i feel for you darling.xxxxx

Crusee profile image
Crusee in reply tosylvi

Nobody knows a body better than the person themselves and your gut instincts are usually right.When I left the hospital after the second op I knew at the time something wasn't right as it felt so different,but I was sent home in pain.Within3 days I was back in as emergency case with a blood clot- one of two.Follow up appt with surgeon and he tells me the op was never guaranteed anyway.I was probably aware of this from our initial consultation but didn't want to hear the negative side of things as I was so hell bent on getting my knee fixed-or so I thought.The position I am in now is that I need a knee replacement but because of the state of the knee now the surgeon has said that  a replacement would more than likely leave me worse off again and I really can't take that risk.I can't be any worse off than I am right now.So I need a new knee,I can go on a waiting list tomorrow if I want but I am scared to do so in case things don't go right again.Also I am at high risk of more DVTs and on warfarin for life -so do I take the risk of another failed op or tolerate the pain?

The surgeon has said he awaits my response as it is now my choice,and I am now fully aware of the risks.

I can appreciate how you must feel about the "wrong " joint in your knee,you must have been suffering with excruciating pain when all the time that could probably have been avoided.Surely that sort of anomaly should have been detected in X-rays or scans prior to your op?

Take care Sylvi.

X

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply toCrusee

Had they taken long leg xrays they would have done,but sadly they didn't and when the surgeon came round after the second op he said"it was a bloody mess" Mind you he was gorgeous as well so when i need the other one done i am going to him again.xxxxxx

Crusee profile image
Crusee in reply tosylvi

Ha ha-I like you're thinking.

Some of that sparkle is already coming back!

Don't stop now.

Crusee

allanah profile image
allanah

Now you are over the op why don't you ask doc for hydrotherapy? It will help tone and develop your muscles and further help weight loss ? 

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply toallanah

Good idea darling.xxx

blondie120 profile image
blondie120

Hi sylvi, I know what u mean about being in limbo I've felt like that since my mum died, it was sudden an she was in my arms with both my boys there with me, since then I've been constantly ill, I think part of me stepped out, it's an odd feeling like rolling down a hill in a car with no brakes you know your going to crash but its inevitable and fear leaves you so you look around like watching an old silent movie, the world keeps going but I feel I'm standing still , is this depression or stress I don't know, sometimes I think it's loneliness Xx

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply toblondie120

Blondie i think it is a combination of everything what with losing your mum i know how hard that is as it took me over two years to get over the way of her dying.xxxxx

Oh honey, it sounds to me that your mind hasn't "caught up" to your changing body...does that make sence?....I bet when you look in the mirror,  it takes a moment for you to recongnize yourself...give yourself time to adjust to the "new you". I think it is normal for anybody who is overweight to think weightloss will make all the negative things disappear.

Lot's of love to you

Sue

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply to

Your probally right there Sue as i still think like a fat lady.xxxx

blondie120 profile image
blondie120

Your very strong and wise my mum died 2009, there's just me now an my boys my dad an brother died before my mum so it's lonely u know, I have work friends but not a best friend, I do have a partner who works nights I'd be lost totally without him an my two yorkies, your weight loss is fab I need to do that too I'm a size 16 but I'm only 5'3", I hope u keep doing well xxx

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply toblondie120

I predicted when and how my mum was going to die and i was only out by ten days. I had a nervous breakdown afterwards as her dying was so traumatic. The one thing i am glad about is she didn't see my health issues i have now.xxxx

in reply toblondie120

So sorry for your losses Blondie 120.  I too have suffered traumatic losses and I totally understand how you feel. Your reply to Sylvi hit me hard when you wrote"....I think part of me stepped out,...so you look around like watching an old silent movie, the world keeps going but I feel I'm standing still ..." You described how I have felt.

blondie120 profile image
blondie120 in reply to

Thanks Suzannedale, xx

blondie120 profile image
blondie120

I wasn't far off when I called you an Angel! I'm so sorry it was traumatic, I won't ask, I always feel my mum is watching over me, odd things have happened that can only be explained by her helping me, I'm sure there's a few things shed like to slap me for too xxx

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply toblondie120

I only have to look into the mirror to see my mum darling.xxxx

blondie120 profile image
blondie120 in reply tosylvi

Yes me too xx

moomie profile image
moomie

Maybe your weight loss has become routine for you. But you should be proud you have done brilliant. 

It is a funny time of year. One day the Sun comes out and gets your hopes up then next day it rains again. Yesterday we had Sun wind hail snow thunder and lightening.

When we get some warm Sun on our bones everything will feel better. Then you will think actually I am feeling better and look fab.

Hope you have a bright pink bikini for your summer hols 😊

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply tomoomie

Thank you darling.xxx

Ali_H profile image
Ali_H

Hi Sylvi,

Maybe some of the 'issue' is that the loss of weight/fat has released toxins that were held in the excess weight and this is dragging your general health down a bit... Drink loads of water and as others have said be gentle with yourself. Enjoy the little things for now... Hubby and gardening seem to be your two main loves so chill and appreciate them and hopefully this 'lull' will pass as the warmer weather comes in.

Take care of yourself

Ali

It's interesting, what you say.  I think sometimes it's a case of one step forward, two steps back.  With any improvement we're bound to plateau-out at some point ... where feeling better becomes normal rather than exciting or motivational.  It's like you've had the elation .... here comes boring or even rather depressing normality.  You'll get through it and feel happy with things again, just in a different way,  I reckon it's all about going through stages.   

As you  have had weight loss surgery I'd imagine you might have to fine tune your body over time, paying particular attention to diet, not just in the weight loss department.  If you haven't done so already, now might be the time to think about how varied your diet is .... are you getting a really good range of nutrients to offset the more limited ability of your stomach to absorb the good stuff?  Are there foods you just don't eat usually that are well-known for being downright good?  My go-to things are oily fish, vegetables, organic anything even though it costs that bit more ... fruit every morning, a range of nuts.... all the different things that might bring more to the table, not just vitamins but minerals and vital trace elements too.  

You deserve to feel good about yourself and what you've achieved.

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply to

Postle that is one thing that was impressed onto me when i had this op done. I also have to take two multi vitamins with iron on top of everything else i take. Salmon and tuna have become my best friend and i don't mind that.  I no longer eat bread as it would swell too much in my limited stomach. I am still being monitored by the hospital and i will be for a long while yet,and if i have any concerns i only have to email my dietician.xxxx

3LittleBirds2 profile image
3LittleBirds2

I sometimes feel that we think....when I get this done i'll be happier or when this happens I'll be happier BUT as we all know happiness is a state of mind it's not ruled by possessions or procedures but don't get me wrong if we're suffering they can make us happier!!!  I think how you're feeling is perfectly normal and you should allow yourself to feel this way as its part of feeling human especially whilst you're adjusting...you got some good suggestions in your replies and a break away wearing some of your new clothes will soon put a smile back on your face for sure! 😊 X

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply to3LittleBirds2

Thank you darling and your right getting away will help, as there is so much put on hubby from looking after me,housework,kids,british legion etc so i will get him to myself for a week so that should help me. We haven't ben away since last summer.xxxx

Hi Sylvi, I hope you feel a little better today. Doesn't it just prove what a lovely lady you are that so many people have reached out to you in this thread. I'm sure your mood will improve as the weather gets nicer and you can sit out in your pretty garden. Your body and mind have been through a lot and just need time to recover. x x

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply to

Oh darling yes it is lovely to know so many people care and yes it has helped me to talk it through with you al and i am sure it will help others as well who get refletive and to know if they do others will respond to them.

 Been busy this morning as well, i have potted on all the tomato plants al three dozen of them,then it rained so i had to come in and rest again. T|hen i went back out and put some lilly and gladioli bulbs in and that is me finished today in the garden. Now i am going to sit and read the paper and do my colouring in books.

   Thank yoiu all very much for your wise words and support it really has helped me.xxxxx

Jora profile image
Jora

Oh Sylvi, I feel for you. My eyes are too tired for me to read through all the replies, but how wonderful to see that there is a huge catalogue of support. And you deserve that. You have done so well on the weight loss and You are just a loving person. It's time you gave some of that to yourself.

I'm due to have my knee replaced next month, but although it will make a difference to my mobility and pain, deep down I know that it won't be the magic wand. I'll still be on a lorryload of drugs, with all their side effects as well as the benefits. More significantly, it is unlikely to change the inherently depressive side of my personality, which appears from time to time. and it certainly won't wind back the clock. I have put on over two stone. I blame the steroids ( I haven't been off them for three years), but I think that in part that's an excuse. At the moment, I loathe shopping for clothes. It's exhausting and I hate seeing myself in the mirror. So, you are an inspiration, talking about a new wardrobe. I'll hang onto that.

I think I can understand the space you are in. You've achieved a huge amount, so now what?! If you are at all like me, you need to be inspired by a new goal. But I know that a short course of steroids at 30 mg would make me really high and what goes up must come down.

I fear that I haven't been much help. I've just realised that the Tramadol is kicking in and that doesn't do much for my lucidity.

Take care Sylvi. Jo x

sylvi profile image
sylvi in reply toJora

Jora when you have your op see if you can come off your steroids,thats what i did darling. I wish you good luck for your knee op,it wil be hard,but as long as you do your exercises you will get back a 110% bend i have so let that be a guide for you,bearing in mind mine was done twice and still i got that % of bend darling.xxxxx

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