Missed christmas, had good new year but since then hubby and daughter got flu. I am bored, out of my skull! Sick of people being sick! Sick of me being sick! THe only thing people talk to me about is being sick. Sick as a dog , sick as a parrot!!
So I need cheering up pleeze and I know I can rely on all of you.
Would you tell me a joke each? Even better if they are about doctor doctor jokes!
Written by
allanah
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
A piece of string goes into a pub, and asks the barman for a pint of bitter and a ham sandwich. The barman says, "No, sorry, we don't serve pieces of string."
So the piece of string goes outside and hurls himself down on the pavement and throws himself around, gets filthy and full of loops, before picking himself up and going back into the bar. He goes up to the barman, and asks for a pint of bitter and a ham sandwich. The barman says, "No, I've already told you once, we don't serve pieces of string. Now just get out of my pub!"
To which the piece of string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."
It's my favourite joke, and I like to perform it with actions and voices and everything.
Hope it helps,
Dotty xxx
Some Tommy Cooper classics. You have to read them in his voice.
I rang up the local building firm and said "I want a skip outside my house", and he said "Well I'm not stopping you!"
I ate a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
I met this bloke with a didgeridoo. He was playing Dancing Queen on it and I thought "That's Abbarigonal"
Hi A, Like yourself not had any good times since mid Dec just pain pain and more pain, the way i feel all doctors are a joke sorry for not cheering you up. I will make it up to you promise.Matt
A man was walking along Blackpool seafront, when he saw a notice that said.."I.ll give you £1000 if you can make my donkey laugh...£20 to enter. So he walks up to the little grey haired man and says..."here you are then £20 says I can make your donkey laugh.
The man walks over to the donkey, whispers something in the donkey's ear and the donkey starts to laugh, he laughs so much he falls on the sand doubled up with laughter.
The man walks over to the grey haired man for his money.
"How did you do that? No one has been able to make him laugh?"
The man refuses to tell him and so walks away with his £1000.
The next day same man walking along beach sees notice..."I.ll give you £1000 if you can make my donkey cry"
He walks up to the grey haired man and says "I.ll make him cry for £1000.
"I.ll let you if you promise to tell me how you did it.
So guy walks over to the donkey and the next thing...the donkey is sobbing his heart out..tears flooding everywhere.
The guy walks up to collect his second £1000.
The grey haired guy says.."remember your promise...I.ll give you the money if you tell me how you did it.
" I will tell you....to make him laugh I told him I had a bigger willie than he had...to make him cry I showed him. e
Sorry you feel down Sylivi...I'm fighting the tears constantly still, I don't seem to be able to stop them..I'm hiding away from people at the moment..best thing I reckon...I hope you soon start to cheer up honeyx
No..it was a new doctor I saw this weekend so didn't want to appear a baby to him by goin on and on. I'm a bit frightened to take them too. I'm on amatriptyline 25mg at night and zoplicon 7.5 to help me sleep but I to tend to take those during the day when pain is really bad..I know I'm a bad lady. Thank you for your concern I know you all have your own problems.xx
And we all care about you. You are not a baby, you are going through a serious chronic illness and depression. I do think you need to have that chat though as he might be able to balance the tablets better. There are hundreds of anti depressants and they are very very useful, you still have your worries but you feel like the weight is lifted off your chest. Do think about it, as you will feel so much better in a couple of weeks.
I definetly echo all that Allanah has said. Please, as I said last week, see your doctor, lay it all out on the table, he has heard all kinds of things and won't be judging you, just will want to fix you! OK? He will coordinate the meds you ave with whatever he feels will help. One thing though...You really need to take them as thy are directed to be used. Research, which we all benefit from, tells them how meds can be best used.
Hate to see you struggling so, that lovely mind needs to be freed up! Take good care of our Mary!
Hi allanah...I'm no good at telling jokes I forget half way through...so sending you big hugs thinking of you..I've enjoyed reading the comments/jokes on here...Nicola xxx
My daughter Lili was five when she received a foam CD holder with plastic sleeves for all her music CDs. I explained to her that CDs are sensitive to light and heat, so she should not leave the holder in the sun.
During our home addition, the electrician was working in the backyard and Lili had gone to play in the sandbox, leaving her new CD holder on the patio table. My wife saw it and told Lili she was going to put it in the house.
Lili stood up in the sandbox and said, "Mommy, make sure you put it where the sun doesn't shine!"
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.