Sat rant -no need to read just needed a wordy rant to... - NRAS

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Sat rant -no need to read just needed a wordy rant to myself

I don't know why I am writing on this but I am so heartbroken as I love my job but I am feeling bullied at work and somehow being made to feel that it is my illness that has made me scatty, disorganised and unsure. I have gone from feeling confident to being told conversations had were never said and maybe I should take sick.

1. I know I have RD but I actually have been coping and to my mind doing well no lateness, sick or issues.

2. Becuase I stood up and said NO this is not what was said my manager has now kicked into his bully tactics which I have had staff complain to me about and tried to deal with and now I am on the receiving end- I see how awful it is.

3. He got me in such a tizz I thought I was losing the plot until one of the team came forward and said I overheard that conversation and he did tell you to do it.

So I had a job I loved to now feeling I need to look elsewhere. However I am hoping the person who can help me I see on Monday and I just need to keep my fingers x they remember the 2 hour chat we had on the subject I am being scrutinised over.

I have to say I was getting the event ready Fri night and to be stopped in my tracks and told 3 or 4 times you know you can take sick don't you floored me. Yes I said I will take sick IF I need it but I know my body and mind and i know I am ok as MTX apaprt from nausea and tiredness after taking it I am doing quite well.........

Sat night rant over.

33 Replies

I’m so sorry you feel like this . Maybe you should take time off your probably pushing yourself too hard. Unfortunately employers don’t get this disease they start off sympathetic but it soon wears off . This my experience . Pamper yourself

I find employers really do not care. If I were you I would start keeping a journal and if your manager continues to make you feel unworthy I would report him. They don't understand how much we actually struggle to try and live a normal life and since you enjoy your work so much it's unfair of them to treat you like this.

Hi Deeb,

I agree with Pinkypie2018, keep a journal, just for your own sake and peace of mind. I know it's easy yo say, but don't be bullied into anything. Is there another higher manager you could speak to, to get some advice? I know it's not nice or fair, chin up and I hope he eases up on you. X

in reply to Stowe

thanks all

Hi Deeb

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation and keeping a journal as suggested by the others is a very good idea. It will help you record what happens and how it makes you feel, which is important. Also you will feel you are doing something positive to help you cope with the situation, and that's important for your own confidence and self-esteem.

I suggest you try to have a restful day tomorrow and spoil yourself. If the tiredness and nausea continue then perhaps you could call to your rheumy/nurse to ask for advice. Meanwhile I don't know whether you've tried B12 supplements for the fatigue (they've helped me a lot) and ginger ale/beer/biscuits for when you feel nauseous.

Here's hoping you feel a bit better next week and the situation improves. x

in reply to Lolabridge

oooohhh ginger beer not htought of that will try

Lolabridge profile image
Lolabridge in reply to

If you prefer ginger ale you could add whisky to turn it into Whisky Mac if in pain 🤕 but not too often if you're on MTX! 🥴. x

in reply to Lolabridge

now theres a thought x

rosie1928 profile image
rosie1928 in reply to

Sipping ginger beer works for me!

Your workplace should have a grievance procedure for you to follow for problems like this. Your manager could get into trouble saying things like that to you! Are you in a union? if so they could help.

Here's a link for ACAS, I have used them previously when I was an employer (happily I'm not now 😁) they are very good and they also help employees.

m.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?ar...

Hi,

I was in a similar situation myself a few years ago and it is not acceptable to feel bullied at work.

Look at the Equality Act and in particular the part about Reasonable Adjustments. Mention this to your employer.

There is an obligation on your employer to provide reasonable adjustments in order for you to remain in employment but which would make things a little easier for you if required.

As mentioned, if you have a Union rep, I would speak to them to get some support and log EVERYTHING.

NRAS have a booklet regarding work and I handed that to my employer. It shows what they are legally obliged to do for you.

You can ask to be referred to occupational health who can report on your condition and how it affects you and get medical reports from your consultant as well

It's a horrible position to be in but stick in there. Don't let the bully win.

Best wishes x

I have to agree employers DO NOT care one bit , I was Bullied at work but I felt I had to work harder than the others to prove myself , but once I got my union involved it all changed , don’t know if you are part of a union but worth every penny

There little faces when I brought the union in was priceless 😂😂😂

Can you work from home if it’s an office based job?

in reply to HappykindaGal

not at the moment he offered it but now is changing tactics all the time.

This is nothing to do with your health, your boss is a bully. You have done nothing wrong, you have a witness, some of your colleagues have been bullied by him previously. Typical of bullies he is trying to blame you and your health. You are not going mad.

Any action you may take will be dependent upon what type of workplace you are in and what policy’s and procedures are in place. Sadly mid management bullies are generally protected by higher managers. Some organisations have a culture of bullying running from top to bottom. If you are a member of a union they will know if others have complained about this person and take action for you and give support for you in this very difficult situation.

Alternatively if you feel that you will have no support in your work place then keep your head down whilst you explore alternative employment opportunities, and once you have left write a letter to the head of the organisation outlining why you felt you had to leave naming the bully.

I so feel for you, as Mall says this is nothing to do with your health. I had a boss who would ask me to do something and would spend weeks working on it and when I got back to him he would look at me as though I was stupid and say 'that's not what I asked for', it was awful because he often did it in front of others. I used to think it was me, my sense of self esteem took a real beating. I tried to challenge him but he would be adamant that i was wrong.It was the worst time of my working life but he eventually moved on to another role. I finally discovered that he was doing it to others but no one wanted to speak about it for fear of reprisals.

Fast forward a few years and it was announced that he was going to be my boss again, that finally tipped me over the edge and I applied for voluntary severence as I knew that the stress of working for him again would cause my RD to flare.

That was 3 years ago and I'm retired now but do miss my job.

I am so sad to hear about this kind of tactic used against anyone but even more so when the target is vulnerable already ie fighting chronic and painful disease.

Unfortunately, I have had to remove myself from two similarly toxic situations as the culprits were not going to change or be reasonable.

There are good books out there, written for toxic situations; You-Tube videos as well. It sounds as if you’re getting a bit of gaslighting, very cruel.

My heart goes out to you in this. I hope you find the best resolution to your situation rather than hoping the toxic person might change.

A job is easier to change than a marriage partner though! And your health would probably be safeguarded by removing yourself from the toxic environment.

Look out for yourself. My prayers are with you (although you probably don’t share my faith) for wisdom and the best way forward. Take care of yourself. 🤗

Hi Deeb

This won’t be what you want to hear.....and I don’t want to upset you, ........but you love your job & you have been diagnosed with RA & you are struggling to get settled on the drugs that will let you continue in the job....& it’s not the sort of job where you can just sit down & direct operations is it...& you have been unwell for a time.

You have mentioned before that your manager had hinted that he thought you were struggling......but you battled on. Now it appears from your post other staff members are butting in & that must be really stressful for you?But you say it is happening...but you also say you are feeling nauseous & tired......& your colleagues are suggesting you take a break.....that sounds as if they care about you ...not as if they are bullying you.

Of course you could make a big legal production about the way you are being treated......go to a tribunal which no doubt would be a long drawn out stressful time.? That would be unpleasant & could likely not end well for you.

What I am trying to say....is why don’t you speak to your manager privately, admit you are now struggling with the disease & how would it be if you speak to your doctor & ask him to sign you off sick for say three months........take a break & see if the lack of stress helps the Methotrexate to work.....that could put you in the position of being able to return to a job you love with no bad feelings?

I don’t know how that would sit with the type of job you have....but it would show your manager you really are willing to take a step back until you are running on all cylinders....& he might have some other suggestions to help.

I know from personal experience until you have the disease under control it will be very difficult to perform 100%.

Maybe you could talk to your doctor to confirm he would sign you off sick?

I really hope you can get something sorted out in an amenable way....there usually is a way you know.

Good Luck

AC

J1707 profile image
J1707 in reply to AgedCrone

Very wise words AC

in reply to J1707

maybe but I dont feel I am bad enough to take time off. Maybe its just me I am talking to Care First helpline to talk it thro as apart from nausea and fatigue on the whole I am ok.

My other colleagues have been fine and even one came to me and said he is Dr Jekyl Mr Hyde and they have all gone thro it with him.

I just feel it is a weird way to act as never managed other this way or been treated this way in any other work place.

Anyway I will review as I go thro the next few weeks and see what I feel is best for me.

J1707 profile image
J1707 in reply to

Good luck.... let us know how things go .... personally I would like to kick him in the 🤬

in reply to J1707

My hubby has been heping out in the kitchen as he fights to get back into work mode after being off 10months and he is happy to oblige but have told him to back off x

Mmrr profile image
Mmrr in reply to

Take care and look after yourself first.

in reply to Mmrr

will do thank you and hope you are well and truly settled in your new home

AgedCrone profile image
AgedCrone in reply to

Deeb feeling nauseous & having chronic fatigue is not fit for 100% work performance ....now is it? You say you have never been treated the way you feel you are being treated now...but you have never been struggling with Rheumatic Disease before have you? It makes a difference.

Sit down quietly & have a calm conversation with your manager.

If he has always been fair in the past...he is probably very worried about you....as are your colleagues.

Don’t just muddle on with things as they are.......talk the situation through & clear the air with him & see your doctor to review your treatment before things get really out of hand.

It’s your Health you are playing with......and if some time off will help settle things, you really should take it.

I hate to think how I would have felt if I had tried to carry on when I was first diagnosed all those years ago.....I know for sure I wouldn’t be the really quite well old lady with reasonably good joints that I am today.

This disease needs knocking on the head FAST....so do take the right steps so that you can continue with the job you really enjoy.

.

First off I am in no way saying that your boss is not bullying you, they may be. We can’t judge that as we don’t know all sides of what has been happening. I’m going on your recent posts where you have been saying how emotional you have been and you have also said your boss has suggested that you take some sick leave as they can’t have you popping in and out from work when you feel you can one day to the next. It is very difficult for employers to arrange workloads if they don’t know if someone is going to be there or not. Taking some sick leave would allow them to cover you and reduce the stress you feel from having to go to work.

As has already been said if you’re in a stressful job and have just started on meds maybe it’s time to take time to let the meds work and reduce some of the pressure on you. When I was newly diagnosed I had to take a few months off to try and get my RA under control. Stress from work or feeling you have to be at work won’t help your RA. It’s very hard to admit that you need to take time off but in the long run it may enable you to carry on in a job you said before that you loved. I hope you sort something out soon to avoid any more stress than is necessary but I would definitely speak to your manager or his line manager too as they need to know what is going on. Sending 🤗

in reply to KittyJ

thank you all who replied. On wards and upwards to a conference tomorrow!

Bullies are usually nasty cowards.

Get your strength together and face him! If that doesn’t work play dirty and keep a record for your HR department or a solicitor!

Just checking your ok Deeb not heard from you since your upset

in reply to J1707

Ah bless thank you I had a work conference for 2 days and got to talk to a senior line manager and based on his feedback spoke to my boss next day and cleared air a lot. He said stress makes him crazy and appreciated my work but has days he is worried I won’t be in as I just get what is being achieved but also can see some days nausea and tiredness a lot for me to handle. So we are working through issues and be nicer to each other on the street days. He went grey when I told him maybe I should leave and he said no we need a way to work through RD

J1707 profile image
J1707 in reply to

So glad it’s all sorted could tell you were really upset...

What a good outcome and some positive affirmation for you that you are indeed highly valued - well done for speaking to a more senior manager.

The current excessive workloads we are all facing at the moment whether shop floor level or management level is taking its toll on a lot of people, so it was good for you to have a little insight that your manager was indeed having some of his/her own 'stress'. We are all human at the end of the day and may not realise how our behaviour is affecting others until it is brought to our attention. This bit of knowledge will have shown you the bigger picture and now influenced your behaviour towards your manager now you are more aware and your manager being made aware of how you were feeling (breaking the visious cycle of self-fulfilling prophecies). Hopefully now, this will be a much more positve working relationship and both of you will be feeling a bit more compassionate towards each other and other work colleagues. Best wishes.

in reply to Braecoon

unfortunately in any business with stress that is out there with the politics and Brexit it is just a lot to keep sorting but we both recognised that stress changes people and I smile and go quiet and he growls.

Many thanks all x

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