At Peace - Will I ever get there?

At Peace - Will I ever get there?

I will be 2 years quit on 27 August - I used champix and 3 courses to get me up to my 6 month mark as I had so many failed attempts I have lost count (definitely over 10 times in the last 5 years!!) finished the course too early on previous attempts and relapsed immediately.

I am delighted how far I have come, it really has been one the best decisions and achievements in my life.

The cravings have decreased and decreased over time but I still think about smoking so much and tend to still miss it a lot which terrifies me that I am never going to be at peace and free from the nico demon. I feel as if smoking is still everywhere in my life yet I am not smoking anymore - my partner smokes, all my family smokes (Mam, Dad and brother and sister) and I worry so much for them. Stress is also a huge trigger for me as that was when I smoked the most.

There have been times where I just thought, is this overwhelming feeling at times worth it and very nearly came to taking a cigarette from my partner and starting to smoke again over the months.

Has anyone else experienced this? Apologies for the long first post!

16 Replies

  • Huge welcome Beatit and congratulations on almost 2 years quit (same as myself, will be there in September!)

    What a great honest and heartfelt first post and I feel so much the anguish you are undergoing - first of all, you should be so proud of yourself for reaching almost 2 years and recognize the remarkable strength and determination not to give in to these strong feelings and circumstances / situations you are surrounded by. I have such admiration for quitters here that stay quit with the temptation of cigarettes readily available to them. Well done!

    I would suggest to try and remove 'smoking everywhere in your life' and set some ground rules but in a positive way - maybe cook a meal for your partner and in a relaxed atmosphere tell how you are feeling at almost 2 years quit and would like there help by finding a place to keep their smokes, definitely only smoke outside and at a designated area out of sight, for your family, let them know too that your home is officially a 'No Smoking' house and outside is a designated area - you are the ex smoker and should not have to unnecessarily suffer or be punished for smokers. Your partner should be compassionate about this as I continued to smoke a year and a half after he quit and out of guilt done everything I could not to smoke around him.

    For the stress, I would suggest breathing and relaxing techniques, they REALLY do work and are some great ones online and on CD's. I get the impression you are very kind, considerate person and a people pleaser - this is your time now to be kind to yourself, take time out, go for walks, take in the nature and its beauty.

    Its great to have you here with us Beatit :)

  • Thank you so much RoisinO1 for the welcome and reply. I actually got quite emotional reading it as you summed it up so well and got me down to a tee - I have always been told I am a people pleaser and have tried to work on it but easier said than done.

    One thing that struck me in your response was that during my journey I have had relatively no support or encouragement from family and friends as they are all smokers - initially I did get the 'well done' may be for the first few months - definitely going to take your advice and set some ground rules and also look after myself, will look into those breathing techniques too. Thanks again, it is so appreciated.

  • No problem at all Beatit - we look forward to your advice and words of wisdom to share with other members here :)

  • Hiya RoisinO1 - thank you very much for the badge - god over 500 days put things into perspective, and the penthouse is such a great motivational idea, love it, what luxury!!

    Really wish I found this forum sooner - it is a blessing and exactly what I needed :)

  • You're here now Beatit - great to have you here and in the Penthouse :D

  • Hello! Well done on 2 years! Whoop whoop!

    I have been quit nearly a year. Husband still smokes. I still ask him to hide all smoking related materials and the cigarette packet out of sight. He smokes in the garden away from me. If we are out in the car, he won't light up unless I say it is OK (and it is very hard, even now, when he does).

    You need to ask your partner to do the same for you. Be very diplomatic but get your point across which is that it is akin to putting an ex-alcoholic in an off-licence and saying to them "Don't drink anything ". At the moment, temptation is all around you and it must be so very difficult.

    Do not cave in. What you have done is worth it. Know that however much you worry, you cannot stop other family members smoking. I cannot stop my husband either, he is responsible for his own health. Speak to your family. The house must be smoke free.

    Stick with it. Do not cave in, not now, after all this time and effort. 😊

  • Thank you for your reply and advice mushen , it is much appreciated We are having a family get together for my sisters birthday at the weekend in my house, I am cooking, so will subtly let all my family know and will speak to my partner this evening after dinner.

  • That's the spirit! Good luck 😊

  • Beatit welcome and congrats on your almost 2 years "smober" in a smoking world.

    I am lucky enough that my Family don't smoke but living in a third world country smoking is in the order of the day...It is getting better though....!!

    As a Champix quitter myself I am delighted that I could quit smoking on my first attempt after 38 years smoking hard ....

    I doubt if we will ever be able not to think about smoking...The easy part is the longer we don't smoke the lesser we remember the nice part and only recognise the bad part...!

    I have learned when in company of a unmannered smoker to be the one to stand up and walk out...It does not help to confront a smoker who do not want to stop...!!

    I never want to smoke again and carry that smell around me...I can now breathe, smell, taste and enjoy the outdoors paddling without that wheezing.. That is life and that is enough reason not to smoke again !!!

  • Thank you Hercu for taking the time to reply, much appreciated. I would always take myself away from smokers alright when out socially but its my own personal surroundings with family and my partner that I shamefully let them puff away around me - it has took me joining this forum to realise what the issue was, I should have stood up proudly to being an ex smoker and not try to pussy foot around smokers.

    Well done to you on over 2 years, will be joining you soon!

  • Honestly the memory of smoking is much better than the reality of it. I write and I sometimes think writing would be more fun if I smoked again. But I know that if I get tobacco I won't write a thing. I'll just do things that go with smoking, like, nothing. So don't be tempted. Smoke free opens doors.

  • Thank you for taking the time to respond bobb10 - I will never smoke again and after almost 2 years quit I am strong enough and never ever want to go through the initial stage of quitting again, I just seem to be constantly thinking about smoking due to be surrounded by it - had a good chat with my partner the other evening and the support he gave me was so surprising, again should have spoke to him sooner, he is going to respect me being an ex smoker, so wish I found this forum at the beginning of my quit....

  • I am just past the 1 year mark, I am a champax quitter also, I live with three smokers and just recently almost caved but please try to recall why you choose not to smoke, remember how hard your quit journey was in the beginning, then ask yourself do you really want to smoke? Don't envy smokers, have pity for them they are trapped, you are free:) I don't know any smokers who really want to smoke.

  • I love the honesty of this. And the tremendous strength... what a fantastic achievement under difficult circumstances. Well done for beating this... I hope you get some well earned peace 😊

  • My wife has quit for well over 7 years. She suggests that it does get better with time; she doesn't think about smoking at all (lucky thing). Stick with it though, you're doing amazingly.

    All the best,


  • Thanks Tryingtquit George for the reply, suppose everyone's quit is unique to them and have different timescales in recovery or at peace, having my family over this evening so will have a chat to them about my new rules of smoking.......

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