I am a bit of an idiot. I have been through several anti-reflux operations which have resulted in a failed operation. Sometime in 2016 I will have to have an op where part of my gut (jejunum) is cut and then attached to my esophagus to extend it's length to the stomach, preventing reflux. half my stomach will be removed. The prior op's have been through my 40's. I am now 49.
I have smoked since I was 21 and gave up for first op' for 4 years, now I have smoked for 4-5 years as a kind of crutch. I have been told they will not operate on me if I smoke as this op' is much more drastic than the rest.
So, tonight I will have my last few and then stop. Tomorrow I will awake in a foul mood, angry at myself and surgeons and need support to see it through.
I have quit for months at a time and my biggest fear is that this op' will not cure my reflux. So I am in a constant state of anxiety but know this level drops when I am off the smokes for a few days.
I have also developed a kind of nicotine allergy, which is no doubt my body rebelling and my mind knowing it the wrong thing to do. It is very odd behavior, but addiction is a very odd thing.
Any help or advice would be most gratefully received. I know the rewards are there for me, the brain plays amazing tricks.
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Hi Wapkaplet... Yup no doubt...we are Idiots but hopefully regained our sanity and stopped smoking....I for one hoped to be 21 years old again after I stopped but sad to say after almost 7 months I am still my full 58 years and my body, not for one day, stopped telling me that I abused it for 38 years nonstop....Please do not get me wrong... the rapid breakdown stopped 7 months ago and I rediscovered life and plan to live it... it is a long path ahead and if there is only a tiny improvement on my health I will be thankful and use it..
My Improvement is as such that I could Launch my Fishing Kayak on High tide with blundering waves for 4 consecutive days and paddle almost 12 Km per day.
Yes I was still short of breath but my younger fishing partners in their 30's was also...
Gally... welcome... and yes although we are real Idiots we can be proud of ourselves just for trying to quit... It is a long hard journey but we can do it !!! Stay strong !!
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Day 1 starts tomorrow
Diary of a quitter - Day 1
