Well, not a great start to a new room. It's been a really tough few days. It kicked off yesterday when a colleague of mine, who sits across from me started smoking again. We had, coincidentally, stopped smoking on the same date and had been quietly encouraging each other. We both have the occasional puff on the e cig on a break and talk about how the quit was going. I could see him falling though, drank last weekend and smoked, same this weekend and back on the fags Monday.
When he went for a smoke break I just had this sudden, clear feeling how easy it would be to just go and smoke. Suddenly, it looked so normal. Just go and have a fag. I didn't, but it has been a very tricky few days. I didn't sleep last night and I have been right on the edge all day. Even now, I know that the addiction has nearly got the better of me. I have survived this evening so far with a tub of Ben and Jerry's!
I'm just so sick of being miserable, and tired, and fighting this internal monologue all the time, literally, all the time. It's dull, I'm fed up with it. I want to smoke. For a month I haven't wanted to smoke, deep down really not wanted to...but now I really do. It's tough today and there's nothing else to say really x