Please help me stay strong

I lost my mum suddenly yesterday.

I haven't smoked. I don't want to smoke but I'm a little worried about how well I'm going to be able to cope over the coming days.

All the arrangements and logistics are falling to me and I don't feel as though I'm going to cope very well.

I'm sorry to post this here but I need to hear that smoking isn't going to get me through, even though I know it. I know that doesn't make sense but I thought that if I had something to look at over the coming days that would reaffirm that I don't need to smoke it would help keep me strong if I wobble which I probably will.

Thank you

Molly

30 Replies

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  • First of all I am so very sorry to hear your very sad and very shocking news, as a person who lost both of my parents suddenly, 6 weeks apart, I know the utter shock and devastation you are suffering right now.

    your immediate reaction will be to smoke and no one could blame you for that, but in the end it won't help you through this, it really won't. Lean on the people around you and the people of this forum too. If you want to inbox me, please feel free to do so, if I can help in any way, I will....

    Take care

    Angela xxx

  • Hi Molly, so sorry about the sudden loss of your mum - it must be such a shock & you must feel really low right now (((big hugs))) My advice would be to let people help you with all the arrangements & rather than look at it as a fag will help you, try to think of all the stress that comes with smoking - the idea of smoking is always better than the reality. If everything becomes too much for, maybe have a nicorette inhalator (better than smoking) & easier to stop...

    Thinking of you & hope you can get through this sad time.

    Denise x

  • So sorry Molly to hear of your very sad news. Its a very upsetting time for you but I hope you can draw on the strength you have shown in your quit and this forum to help you get through it. I hope that you have family and friends who are also able to support you.

    Everyone here will be willing to listen and help in anyway they can.

    Thinking of you and your family.

    Donna x

  • Molly my thoughts are with you at this sad sad time. You will stay strong I know you will. I have sent you a PM.

  • Hi Molly

    My heart goes out to you.

    I was so shocked to hear your news, especially after we had a delightful chat yesterday morning.

    Do you know the thing I remember most from that chat?

    It was you telling me that you "felt so strong in your quit that it was scary!"

    I think the final words went along the lines of "a one way trip to freedom and happiness."

    You gave me strength after that chat Molly, real strength.

    I can't help thinking about an earlier thread about luck in a quit and I think Nic mentioned that luck can play a part. I suppose the perfect quit would be one that we could sail through ..... without life throwing a fistful of itself at us. I don't think anyone's quit will ever be like that but I am so sorry that this is happening to you in yours.

    You are stronger than you realise Molly and I for one thank you for that as I have borrowed from you throughout our journey.

    You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.

    From a purely practical perspective, I was charged with the logistics of my dads funeral and although it maybe an awful thing to say the best thing that happened to me during that confusing time was to be recommended a very good funeral director.

    I dreaded making the phone call but once I did they took complete control of everything.

    My main job throughout the process was to be there for my mum.

    I hope your siblings and friends can group around you so that you can all get yourselves through this sad time.

    From a purely selfish point of view.....I ask you not to give up on your quit.

    Actually Molly, I beg you not to.

    I know what it would do to me and I can only begin to imagine what it would do to you.

    Please stay strong Molly, can I be selfish and say .. please stay with us all, please stay with Kazzy & me.

    Take very good care of each other

    hope to speak to you soon

    hugs

    Greg

    xx

  • Molly I'm so sorry to hear that. You're showing huge determination, you know the fags won't help, you said it yourself. Please post when you can and let us know how you are, you have an army of support behind you ;)

  • Molly,

    So, so sorry to read the sad news about your mum. Sending you a heartfelt hug, my thoughts are surely with you, and your family.

    This reading means a lot to me and has brought me a lot of comfort, I hope it does you too.

    Fi xx

    All is Well

    Death is nothing at all.

    I have only slipped away into the next room.

    I am I and you are you,

    whatever we were to each other, that we still are.

    Call me by my old familiar name,

    Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.

    Put no difference in your tone,

    wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow,

    laugh as we always laughed

    at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

    Pray smile, think of me, pray for me.

    Let my name be ever the household word

    that it always was.

    Let it be spoken without effort,

    without the trace of a shadow in it.

    Life means all that it ever meant,

    it is the same as it ever was.

    There is unbroken continuity,

    why should I be out of mind

    because I am out of sight?

    I am waiting for you

    somewhere very near

    just around the corner.

    All is well.

    Henry Scott Holland 1847-1918

    Canon of St Paul's Cathedral

  • really sorry to hear about your mum molly , stay strong and keep posting or pm if you need support or to unload , loads of people are here to listen and help if you need it , take care x

  • Molly hun,

    So so sorry to hear your news, what a dreadful shock. I've messaged you, you're in my thoughts. Wish I was there to give you a big hug right now but will have to send a virtual one instead

    ((((((((Molly))))))))

    Take care mate

    Karen xx

  • Hi Molly, first of all I am so very sad about your news :( quitting smoking is hard without the stresses of life.

    Stop and think how devastated you are your mother has passed, smoking has been proven to take lives earlier - doesn't this spur you on to stop smoking for the sake your close relatives and friends? We need to stop smoking together to live a healthier and longer life! Take some time out for yourself and treat yourself with the money you spend smoking, you deserve it :)

    Good luck and stay strong

    Dan x

  • Molly, you give a huge amount of support to those of us on this forum, only fair you get it back with interest at this sad time. Stay strong, I've sent you a pm.

    H

  • Oh Molly, there really are no words that can help with your loss, I am so so sorry for your loss, but you know smoking will not make things any easier. Please find another way to help you through this terrible time. My thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time, I lost a close friend last week and it is so easy to reach for that so called friend, but it really isn't a friend, it's a fake. Take it one hour at a time, you have the strength to do this. Xx

  • ((((Molly))))

    I'm so, so sorry about your mum. First, and most importantly, I'm sending you my best wishes and prayers that you and your family find comfort and strength in each other at this awful time.

    As regards your quit... I lost my brother very suddenly a few months into my quit. I remember posting on here, because I had - not maliciously, but just in the course of my thoughts about smoking - imagined what a good excuse bereavement would be to light up again. Not that I wished it on myself. I just thought about it.

    And it would have been easy to smoke. I know it was a stressful, strange, unreal sort of time and I was miserable. But then I thought about losing my brother - about how fragile our lives are - about how much he would have wanted me to stay quit - and I realised that even this wasn't a reason to throw away my quit.

    Hang on to that thought hon, if you can. Life should be cherished and valued.

    Take care of yourself. My thoughts are with you.

    Helen x

  • Oh Molly, I am so sorry ((((( Hugs ))))) am thinking of you at this sad time, and like everyone else says, you know smoking won't help.

    Gemma x

  • MOLLY! :( iam so so sorry to hear about your mum :( . I dont know what to say except i send my deepest condolences to you and the rest of your family! You have been so strong since you were a teenage and must really be an inspiration for those around you. There is no way smoking is going to help you through this one though! Smoking will just add to your sorrow.

    So dont even consider it youv been so strong for so long and such and inspiration to us all that there is NO WAY you can smoke now

    charlie xx

  • Oh Charlie, I knew you'd understand petal.

  • Hi Molly, so sorry to hear about your mum.

    I am sure she will be looking down on you and urging you to succeed in your quest to stop smoking.

    My prayers are with you and your family.

    Joan xx

  • Hi everyone,

    I'm so very sorry that I haven't posted. I've looked all day but I have absolutely no idea what to say.

    I feel so utterly inadequate at putting into words how you have all made me feel.

    I asked you to tell me why smoking wouldn't help and you not only did that, you made me feel like I am not so alone.

    Thank you all so very much.

    I am at a loss at the moment, I have no idea what to say other than I don't smoke, I haven't smoked, I WILL not smoke ever

    Love you all

    Molly x

  • So very very sorry, the pain is hard, and your heart must be so sore........Please feel my arms giving you a tight tight squeeze. xxx

  • Isha, thank you, if your arms are round me then mine are round you.

    I've seen your posts, you'll be having a beer with me in not so long a time.

    You know, on the brick wall outside the penthouse kicking the backs of our trainers, not really realising how we got to over a year quit! :)

    Stay with me x

    Molly x

  • Hello everyone,

    I wanted to let you all know that I am doing ok and despite some very emotional times followed by some serious wobbles I haven't smoked.

    That is at least in part because of the messages that you all left on this thread for me, I have read them many times. I want to say thank you to one and all for helping me get through.

    I also need to send my love and gratitude to the very best quit buddies a girl can have. Thank you Greg and Kazzi.

    I don't know for sure whether I would have caved and smoked if it weren't for this forum, I'm just unbelievably relieved that I will never need to know.

    Once again, thank you everyone

    Molly x

  • OH Molly, Im so glad your doing ok and have kept going with your Quit, It just shows how strong you are, and how far you have come, best wishes and stay strong.xxx

  • Molly

    So glad you've posted. The strength and resilience you have shown during this sad period in your life is just amazing. Undoubedly, this is 'your quit' if you can remain cig-free at such a stressful time.

    My thoughts are with you and your dad.

    Fi and Meggie x

  • Oh Fi, you are wonderful, thank you.

    I won't give up on my quit but it's mainly down to other people at the moment.

    Molly x

  • Thank you Karri

    Xx

  • argh! so sorry!

    Aww....Molly....

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. I lost mine 5 years ago and i know how bad you are feeling right now.

    I haven't had chance to read all your other replies, but i'm sure I'm going to say what everyone else has said. A fag will not make you feel better. It will in fact probably make you feel worse.

    Try and be strong and try and post as often as you can. We are all here for you, thinking of you and ready to support you as and when you need us!

    Good luck my lovely and stay strong!

    *hugs*

    Nik

    x

  • Not sure how I missed your post but I am so sorry for your loss

    If you have managed to stay smoke free by now I think you have properly cracked it, it won't help with the hurt but you can be proud you beat it

    Big hugs and lots of sympathy x

  • Dear Molly I have only just seen this. I am so very very sorry to hear this very sad news and I am sending love and condolences to you at this difficult time for you and your family. I know you have the strength to dig deep,so dig deep, love. You know smoking won't help. You are in everybody's thoughts and prayers and I hope that comforts you a little bit. xxxx

  • so sorry

    Molly, Im so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers xxx

  • Molly,

    Really sorry to hear your sad news. I lost my Mum 6 years ago and my Dad last year. Its a real shock and life is never quite the same again once your parents have shuffled off this mortal coil. But it does go on.

    My Dad's death was the trigger for my quit. He never smoked and was mortified when I started as a youth. I felt I owed him one.

    Really glad you have stayed strong and not used the emotional upheaval as an excuse to go back.

    All the best,

    Esso.

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