Been struggling with the "thoughts" for a while. Had a row with OH, depression has come back (mildly), miss my brother, it's xmas and I've done nothing but cry. I want to smoke more than anything now. There are still 1000 in the house even though I asked him to get rid of them. I got a packet down and looked at it for 10 mins. I don't know what is stopping me from smoking but feel as if my whole body is fighting it right now. I know if I do it I'll hate myself. The want is huge though! I'm angry at myself for wanting it. I'm tired of feeling like fighting the want everyday. This is honest. I'm exhausted. Need some peace from this ðŸ˜ž
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