Someone talk to me please!

Been struggling with the "thoughts" for a while. Had a row with OH, depression has come back (mildly), miss my brother, it's xmas and I've done nothing but cry. I want to smoke more than anything now. There are still 1000 in the house even though I asked him to get rid of them. I got a packet down and looked at it for 10 mins. I don't know what is stopping me from smoking but feel as if my whole body is fighting it right now. I know if I do it I'll hate myself. The want is huge though! I'm angry at myself for wanting it. I'm tired of feeling like fighting the want everyday. This is honest. I'm exhausted. Need some peace from this 😞

12 Replies

  • Dolores

    So sorry to hear you are having a bad time. Christmas is such a hard time when you are missing somebody. But as Tea says a cigarette isn't going to solve anything and you'll end up being disappointed with yourself because you have done so well. I need you to keep me company in the month 3 room. I think you need to get the cigarettes out of your house. I know they're not cheap but just give them away if you have to. I know how exhausting it is having to use every bit of willpower you have to fight the cravings and its even harder if you have them in your house. Please don't give in. Take care.

  • Ok I've done what was asked and waited for 3 replies. I didn't want to even want to post how I really felt but I knew it was a choice between that and caving. I've put them away now. Going to bed with a heavy heart but I will go back to one day at a time if I need to. Clearly I do. Just feeling my progress is going back instead of forward. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Doesn't feel so good now but I know you are all spot on and saved me from ruining what I was most proud of. Night x

  • Sorry Tea just seen you posted again...yes I've been CT since Monday. Bad timing maybe? Think I'll go back to the NRT until after Xmas x

  • Good night Dolores, really proud of you for not giving in. x

  • Dolores, you smoked for 18 years and have been quit for 2 months. It takes time but give it a chance.

    All you need to help you through the tough times is already in your own signature...

    "I am my mind, I am the author of my thoughts, I can control it" brother this is for you"

    Read that often when you are struggling, it will strengthen your resolve and see you through.

  • Hi dolores:)

    Massive hug for you, seems your having a bit of a tough time! Well done on overcoming that massive temptation and putting those cigs away, takes some grit that does.

    Try not to be so hard on yourself, remember you've relied on those little sticks to get you through some tough times for the last couple decades, and it's only natural to 'crave' them when things get tough because hey your human and your body is still getting used to life without it:) you've come such a long way! Keep going, baby steps, hour by hour if you have too! It got you through those first weeks and it will again:) for me I see myself off to a bed because I get tired of fighting with myself and off I go in a sulk lol but it works for me.

    P.s if you feel you need NRT please take it, there is no shame in it! Particularly in testy times with a fresh quit, holidays, alcohol etc! Have you tried gum? Lozenges? Instead if going back on the patch?

    I hope your feeling a bit better! :) xx

  • Oh have only just read this, and of course I do hope to day At least is a little better, and I for one hope your quit is still intact.

    What a truly amazing person you are, instead of caving, you came on here for a little chat, now in my book that shows what strength you have in knowing, you just wanted to stay smoke free, and a huge well done on that.

    Going back on patch may help for a little time at least,

    I really hope to day is a better one for you. Your doing so very well, be proud of that

  • Hi everyone! Thank you all for taking the time to make me see sense and of course I know that your words are very wise and true. Feeling really touched and emotional that there are so many kind and caring people on here. I am feeling a little better this morning. I am going to try and keep off the NRT. I now it's going to be rough but I really want to be free. My parents and little bro are coming for Xmas so extra excited about that. At times like this I think it might be wise to revert to what we did at the start....loads of ironing, walks and distraction. Even better a walk to the shop to get smarties...... 😀😀😀

  • I have got some emergency patches in the house in case I need them. Will see what happens in the next few days. I agree that piling on the pressure now isn't the best idea but on the other hand I've almost done a week without them. I wouldn't hesitate to use them again if I need to. Thanks for all the very good advice. I'm listening and learning hard xxx

  • Dolores, good to hear you're feeling a bit better today. You should be so proud of yourself for getting through a very tough night.

  • Wish I could have been here to add my support vibes to the others Dolores, but I am extremely glad to hear that you rode out the storm. Please accept many virtual hugs from me along with my best wishes for a laid-back, happy week to come. With lots of smarties of course. :)

    Has your OH disposed of those cigs yet? If not, I really do think it's time to take matters into your own hands. How about a Viking funeral?

  • Awwww thank you Tea! Thats a sweet picture and made me smile! X

You may also like...