I have stopped yet again - please help me to stay stopped

Hi Again

I stopped smoking for over a year and then I had major trauma in my life, I feel as though I have lost my son - he treats me like I have no feelings, theres a LOT more to it but to all intents and purposes he is no longer the kind and considerate boy I gave birth to, unless he changes his ways he has no place in my life. Anyway because of this I started again for a week or so and then my neighbours from hell - bullies to put it bluntly shook me up so much that I started again. I started again because I am standing up to them - I will not be a victim again if I can help it. So today after smoking again for about a month - I am stopping again. I have just looked at my cigarettes and am so angry with myself. I have let myself down big time, I feel I should have been stronger but I have been sexually abused and beaten up when I was a child - I was treated like the boy in the the book called "A boy Called It" by my whole family as a child. It is so important to me to stand up to bullies of ANY sort - I do not want to spend the rest of my life feeling like a victim.

I promised someone very special that I would not smoke again and I cannot deal with the fact that I am letting him down totally. So I have thrown those nasty cigarettes in the drawer - they are no friend to me. That is my motivation for stopping.

My fingers get stained and I wreak of it.

I was so proud of myself and so happy when I managed to stop the first time.

But I still remember how difficult it was to stop the very first time after smoking for 40 years.

I really need to feel that I am not alone at this moment.

14 Replies

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  • Ah Rainbowpot, you are not alone. That's one of the great things about this forum is that we all stick together so please post as when you need to.:)

    I am only on day 4 right now so I know what you are going through, it's tough isn't it! But hang in there. It was a great help to me to read some posts from the long term quitters and realise that you have to put in some of the hard work now to reap marvellous benefits that will come in the future.

    And think of Nicotine as another bully!!!! He's just another one that wants to drag you down so don't let him, stand strong, and kick him in the nuts when he comes along to bother you!!!!

    Finally, you said you put your smokes in a drawer........ Put them in the bin!!!! That way they are not even around anymore to tempt you.

    Thinking of you, you can do this!!!:D:D

  • Debbieh

    Thankyou - for that and yes it is sad that children are treated badly by some parents.

    The only way for me to stop is cold turkey - at least this time I only have to get rid of a months habit.

  • Ah Rainbowpot, you are not alone. That's one of the great things about this forum is that we all stick together so please post as when you need to.:)

    I am only on day 4 right now so I know what you are going through, it's tough isn't it! But hang in there. It was a great help to me to read some posts from the long term quitters and realise that you have to put in some of the hard work now to reap marvellous benefits that will come in the future.

    And think of Nicotine as another bully!!!! He's just another one that wants to drag you down so don't let him, stand strong, and kick him in the nuts when he comes along to bother you!!!!

    Finally, you said you put your smokes in a drawer........ Put them in the bin!!!! That way they are not even around anymore to tempt you.

    Thinking of you, you can do this!!!:D:D

    Hi stashee

    Oh I know I should put them in the bin - I just cant get myself to do it yet just in case I fail - I know its daft.

  • Rainbow my lovely someone once said to me go to the bathroom and wash off that word victim from your forehead because it's my choice to be one and they were so right. No one has the right to make us feel like this. No one has the right to make you feel so bad that you smoke as well so sod them all and start to care about the one person that needs to be well and that's you. We are all here for you and you're not alone xxx

    Thats just what I was thinking - why should I smoke just because of them - Ive just been out into my garden and trimmed a big bush - the woman next door (one of the bullies) was tapping on her window trying to get my attention - I totally ignored her and made sure I stayed out longer than I normally would. I really annoy her if I dont give her attention lol.

    Then i came in and all I wanted was a cigarette - but I havent had one - the cravings are coming at me every few minutes - I know it will subside but its awful - all I can see in my minds eye is a great big cigarrette

    Hugs and kisses

  • Well done for staying strong today! You know you can beat the nicotine bully so best of luck. It's a nice bunch of people on this forum, able to help in most matters. Sometimes for a shoulder to cry on or to have a rant, for a pat on the back or a kick up the butt or for advice in a huge array of issues. Use us as much or as little as you like. You aren't alone in this at all.

    Sarah

  • I do love your user name, Rainbowpot :)

    With such an optimistic name I am certain you're going to find a big, fat, pot of gold at the end of your rainbow and that very soon now. Put yourself first (I imagine that's something you've only recently developed the confidence to do isn't it?) and may your quit be a magic and permanent one.

    Welcome to the forum! :)

  • Hi rainbow I caved and smoked for a month too exactly the same as you so I understand how disheartening it is but I could use a quit buddy, we can help each other and u should join the social group spring army you would be most welcome and there's support on there aswell as the main forum to keep all us March April and May quitters on the straight and narrow ;) xx

  • P.s definitely bin the fags your on a hiding to nowhere with that one hun it's for the greater good honestly ;)

  • Hi Again

    I stopped smoking for over a year and then I had major trauma in my life, I feel as though I have lost my son - he treats me like I have no feelings, theres a LOT more to it but to all intents and purposes he is no longer the kind and considerate boy I gave birth to, unless he changes his ways he has no place in my life. Anyway because of this I started again for a week or so and then my neighbours from hell - bullies to put it bluntly shook me up so much that I started again. I started again because I am standing up to them - I will not be a victim again if I can help it. So today after smoking again for about a month - I am stopping again. I have just looked at my cigarettes and am so angry with myself. I have let myself down big time, I feel I should have been stronger but I have been sexually abused and beaten up when I was a child - I was treated like the boy in the the book called "A boy Called It" by my whole family as a child. It is so important to me to stand up to bullies of ANY sort - I do not want to spend the rest of my life feeling like a victim.

    I promised someone very special that I would not smoke again and I cannot deal with the fact that I am letting him down totally. So I have thrown those nasty cigarettes in the drawer - they are no friend to me. That is my motivation for stopping.

    My fingers get stained and I wreak of it.

    I was so proud of myself and so happy when I managed to stop the first time.

    But I still remember how difficult it was to stop the very first time after smoking for 40 years.

    I really need to feel that I am not alone at this moment.

    Hi thanks for a post from the heart.

    Life is oh so difficult at times, and you are making decisions, now that's wonderful.

    You have decided to post.

    You have decided you would like to change your out look on life, again massive achievement

    You. Have so much pain my lovely, but you are being strong.

    Please pm me, and maybe we can work through these difficult times your having!

    You should be proud that you and only you have made the decision to quit.

    Good luck, keep posting .x

  • That sounds like one hell of a roller coaster you've been on and none of it your fault. Sounds to me like you care what people and others do and think far too much. Time to start getting selfish and put yourself as number 1! to Hell with everyone else.. harsh as that sounds. The one cruel lesson Ive learned from life time and time again is that the nicer you are, the more you try to be a good friend, the more you do for people, strangely, the worse you get treated, the less respect you are given, the more crap people will keep throwing at you, and the more they expect. Trick is to recognize the red flags as they spring up and not to ignore em.

    Dunno if you can take anything from that... but I find once you put people in check, they will leave you alone. Nobody is gonna do anything for you so why are you letting the actions of others drag you down so much? only one way that tunnel ends.. you in the nut house so dont let that happen.

    Quitting the smokes is a very stressful thing to try do. And when our lives are already immersed in stress, you can imagine how tough the struggle will be.. and whats more, smoking actually accelerates the stress; so its a vicious triangle.

    Can you get away anywhere for a week or so? a break in a friends in another town or something like that? or even just a weekend for yourself by the seaside. just to relax... to be alone, and to not smoke.

    Whatever you're going through, we are here for you and to support you through this. Dont give up on yourself and dont give in to these bullying types that seem to surround you. And you grab this quit by the neck and throttle it!!!!! use that anger built up thats consuming you to fuel your determination to stay quit this time. You can do it and you will!!!!!

    Best little phrase I saw on facebook a while back 'Before you decide your life sucks, look around you and just make sure you're not just surrounded by A-holes!'.

  • Hello Rainbow,

    Not much I can add to the great posts here except to say "welcome" :):)

    I am glad to hear that you have decided to get back at it quickly. I know it is hard but hang in there. Chin up and be as strong as you know how. :p

    Now, Close your eyes and just imagine all of us standing behind you cheering you on!

    We've got your back so when you start to feel beaten down just think of that image. BTW: wouldn't it be fun to just stick your tongue straight out at your neighbor next time she's doing some window tapping lmao :p:p

    You are going to be just fine. :D

    PS Throw out that damn packet you're hiding!!!!

  • Hi Rainbow

    I don't know where you are at, but appreciate you are a fantastic person, even for deciding to stop smoking, let alone doing it. Believe in yourself. Compartmentalize your life's problems and goals. Pride yourself that irrespective of what life throws you, stopping this addiction is a case apart. From my life's experience, I always found some excuse or other to continue smoking. It just does not equate. No problem will be solved if you continue smoking. On the contrary, having found the fortitude to stop smoking (acknowledging your 'wow' of inner strength to stop), you cross over this 'wow' strength to everything else. Having said that, take into account that we are human..... human to err. Life's journey is difficult in the best if times, so when it is full of c***, it can be pretty difficult to juggle all, and more so not smoking.

    I wish you the 'bestest' of luck

    Be strong, be brave and buckets go good luck

    Firefly

  • Hi,

    Hi my lovely, life is oh soooooo hard at times.

    I have found re bullies, next time they say or do something, in stead of hiding, maybe just say are you ok? Or can we sort he problem, or are you upset, you just seem a tad unhappy!

    Am sending positivity your way, x

  • Not much I can add to all the lovely posts but I do agree with the mirror. I look at it as a window to yourself. Stand in front of the mirror, look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself you are awesome, you won't be beaten, you are strong or just have a damn good talking to yourself. It might be phsycho babble but I have done it loads over the years. Its harder to deny when you are looking yourself in the eye. Keep strong !

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