This site could do with a blog, anyway...
I'm smoking again - after a while I bought a pack of 100 and - slowly died inside.
Oh yes, in for a penny - in for a pound, as 'they' say.
I've been hiding for a few weeks and just couldn't anymore...I've seen friends, fronted up with family and had to admit my failure with my kids. Who are so used to opening up the side door to ask if they could have afters that they were still doing that through my quit anyway
(Junkie thinking: If I give the kids dinner they will not realise that I've gone out the back door and therefore it is ok that i am running out to get my fix - only to find they would be chasing me for dessert and seeing me smoking/hiding outside the very same back door anyway).
But...Newsflash...I've been given an 'out' so to speak.
A good friend has said she'll agree to hold my hand and see me through various lifestyle changes. I can not tell you how that feels. Like someone investing their time in me and it is loaded with the desire not to let her down.
She's not on a pedestal, there are times she takes my advice too, me having an older family and - oh yes - I am au fait with the teenage condition, therefore it feels equitable. However, as diet/fitness/treating-your-body-how-it-wants-to-be-treated goes, she is WAY up there.
So, I'm going to hit the Easyway again, learn to live again and be the person I want to be - again.
I stopped by for tea today and she looked strong, fit, alive and happy. Quite honestly, everything I want. So I'm going for it!! She has never presented 'perfect' she has just presented...ok, normal, etc.
Sorry mods, this wasn't a 'How I feel now I've quit' post. This was a, 'How I feel that I didn't' post.
But also a 'How I want to feel' post. I've set the day for Monday. I'm going to hit the books to help my frame of mind. I'm going to refine that picture of me as a happy non-smoker and bring it to the fore again.
I'm going to shake myself the frig up and turn it all around!!
That is how I feel.
I may be a late arrival to the January '13 quitters - but, a January quitter I shall be.