I will never smoke again

I started smoking when I was just 15. By the time I was 23 I was on 20 a day, and hated it. One day, I decided to quit. I remember turning on my pc for a mooch about on the internet, armed with an empty ashtray and my cigs. An hour or so later, I logged off the net and noticed that there were 4 fag butts in the ashtray - I didn't remember lighting them, smoking them or putting them out. What the hell? I felt utter disgust with myself, and decided right them and there that enough was enough. I threw the almost full packet of cigarettes in the bin and never smoked a single cigarette for 7 years!!

Then last year I stupidly started again. It crept up on me gradually.....I'd have the occaisional one when I was out in the pub with friends.....before I knew it I was back on 10 a day, and it's been like that for the past year. I now have two gorgeous boys aged 7 and 4, and they don't even know I was smoking. I'd hide in the back garden, hoping they wouldn't come out looking for me, and trying to waft the smell away afterwards. I was so gutted when one of them gave me a hug one day and asked me what that awful smell was :(

Yesterday, again hiding in the back garden and puffing away, I just had a moment of realisation - enough was enough. Why was I doing it? Didn't make sense. We don't have much money, and here's me burning any spare cash we have away. I'd die of shame if my kids caught me, and I certainly don't want them to pick up the 'habbit' when they're older. So I stubbed it out, and here I am a day later......determined. Wish me luck guys xx

6 Replies

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  • Morning Terri,

    Posts like yours do initially make me think Oh my god she quit for 7 years and still went back!! Will that happen to me? But then I think it sinks in and your post has made me stronger and more prepared for the future and NEVER to dabble in social smoking, you are proof of the pudding that most people cant get away with it!

    Like you, I did the garden thing as well, every few puffs looking through the kitchen window checking my little boy was ok, see him sat there wondering where I'd gone, as he got older he'd come looking for me, I hated myself, when he was a baby he used to imitate me (mortifying) but later he would just say 'mum you got ur fads' thats what he called them, he obviously knew mum was a nutter if she was running low on fags!

    It dawned on me one night going to father in laws 80th dinner there were 12 of us there (ALL SMOKERS) a whole generation of my partners family from his 80 year old dad.....down to his 17 year old daughter and my little one was joining in all the outdoor fag breaks, I felt totally irresponsible! I was brought up around smoking, a large Irish family and no one saw the harm in it, but these days its unacceptable for kids to be exposed!

    I cant say its easy Terri, but then nothing worthwhile ever is easy, but the pride and respect you will gain for yourself is immeasurable and self confidence, your children wont recognise their new mummy. I reach 3 months sunday and can guarantee it gets easier as time goes on but prepare yourself! My crave buster was a cuppa and a go on my little boys Black Cab racing game on the PC, I play it these days with tears in my eyes remembering all the strong cravey feelings I'd have in the early days!

    You can do it, Good Luck xx

  • Thanks for the support Shelly, I totally understand what you mean. The first time I quit back in 2001 it seemed quite easy - but my circumstances were different then, I was nursing my terminally ill mum, who was at that time smoking 60 a day - just being in that environment put me off and helped my quit enormously. It's different now, I have children to think about and I don't want them to EVER see their mum with a fag in her mouth. How I've managed to hide it from them for the past year is a mystery!

    Like yours, my family is a 'smoking' family, 3 generations and almost all of us smoking. It's just normal. I want my boys to grow up thing smoking is 'abnormal'. Good luck to you too, keep it up, you're doing so well!

    xx

  • Hi Terry,

    Just a quick one. I just want to wish you good luck and say well done. Fingers crossed for you , we can do this, one day at a time x

  • Hi terri you so sounded like me ...hiding away smoking outside hoping my boys (age 3 & 6 ) wouldnt see me or come out to me...it was an inconvenience & I would smoke that fag so quick ..i suddenly started to realise it was something i needed not something i enjoyed anymore...youve helped me with your post reminding me again of one of the reasons i wanted to quit thank you & Good luck with your quit :) xxx

  • My name is Moises, and I was a nicotine addict. I quit nicotine since a long time as I feel this and I have saved too much money and also health and my journey is still on. I just want to say Quit smoking and nothing.

  • Well best of luck! Its not difficult to quit smoking.. All you need is to have strong self belief!

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