Breathing in tobacco smoke, how risky?

I'v just spent 2 days at my mums, shes a smoker and insists on smoking whilst im in the same room which didnt bother me that much until this morning, i found myself wanting a cigarette, also my chest felt very tight today like it used to when i smoked ,i think that breathing in that smoke could trigger off my addiction. i feel a bit petty when i mention it to her she gets all defensive and saying things like do i expect her to smoke outside. i feel like im letting myself down by allowing this. shes very ill and fragile at the moment and i feel a bit emotionally blackmailed. i dont want to start smoking again but also dont want to rock the boat ,for some reason i feel im being a twat if i dont accept breathing in her smoke. she smoked 16 cigarettes yesterday and i breathed it in too, am i asking too much by asking her tosmoke outside, its not really practical for me to go into another room because then what would be the point of being there. does anyone else think i could get addicted again in this way. im seriously thinking of staying away as i feel a bit disrespected.


10 Replies

  • With the greatest of respect Mash, if you are at your moms house then really she can do as she pleases.

    After all, it is her place, and if she's ill and fragile then you can hardly expect her to go outside can you.

    She's not disrespecting you, she's doing what she always does, smoke in her own house.

    I'm sure you'd probably rather she quit, but you must now appreciate that people will only quit when and if they want to, and no amount of badgering will change that.

    You can survive without smoking, it's just another trigger point you will conquer.

    Please don't stay away from your moms. You only get one mom and you should cherish every available moment you can be with her, as sadly there will come a day when you would give everything you own just to be able to spend 1 more minute with her.

  • i remember as a smoker many many years ago i would have smoked in a room with people and it wouldnt have crossed my mind whether they wanted to breath in my second hand smoke but as time has gone on we have been slowly brainwashed [and rightly so] that this is not acceptable but some people i know still have those old views and are defensive of there habit

    maybe your mum is jealous of you in a way cause u have quit and its making her think to deeply about her smoking and in turn making her extra defensive

    but at the end of the day its her house so wat she says go's really

    you need to stay strong and beat this its just a trigger playing havoc with you and mr nico is taking full advantage of how you feeling at the mo

    kick his butt and tell him where to go stand tall and get through this


  • Hi Mash

    I agree with Boo and Capitan.

    This reminds me how selfish and thoughtless I was as a smoker - I used to inflict this on everyone. My house, my rules. :(

    Try not to let this create a barrier between you and mum.

    Instead, use those new skills that quitting has taught you - changing your mindset to overcome your feelings. Tight chest? Be thankful that you have stopped doing this to yourself day in day out. Feeling overcome by the smoke - look forward to returning to your clean, fresh flat when your visit is over.

    You will not get addicted like this unless you are looking for an excuse to go back to smoking.

    A couple of months ago, I spent the week end at my sisters house. She and her husband were always the only people who could match me fag for fag. Rather than being repelled and worried, I became fascinated. It was like seeing the old me from a slightly different angle. In no way did I want to join them - that would just be mad! :)

    Stay calm, stay focussed on what you want and you will be fine. Cut your mum some slack, because she hasn't managed to get to this magic, smoke free place.

  • The way that I would see it, I spent decades putting the stuff in my lungs voluntarily. Full throttle. A couple of days passive smoking is nothing in comparison.

    And I agree with the others that you can't really tell your mum what to do in her own house.

    What you can control is your own feelings and how you percieve the situation. Like Mrs T, I would see this as a happy reminder that I am not that slave anymore. :cool:

  • I could sit there wearing a gas mask or take my own oxygen mask and cylinder. I think youve all got some valid points. from now on im not going to breathe her smoke i will go to another room until shes finished it. I dont hold out much hope for her stopping in the near future unless she experiences a huge mental shift which is sad because the point of no return is looming. pretty soon she wont be able to climb the stairs. she will hate that and probably hate herself for not stopping when she had the chance.Its a crying shame. She is a great reminder of what i dont do anymore. We were all insane to do that to ourselves. I still say if i can do it then she can. Maybe i am looking for an excuse to start smoking again, i do beleive the addict in me is very much alive and just biding its time waiting for me to drop my guard and give it the permission it needs . well no effin way am i going to become like my mother. i remember as a young child being mesmerised by the wispy blue clouds of smoke that surrounded her. i know that influenced me. what is it about mothers they are so powerful in there influence. Well this time im not going to do something in order to be like her.. naahhh its an evil spell im not going there.

  • Hey mash, could I ask how your mum get's her smokes??? You mention she can't climb the stairs, does someone else get her cigarettes for her? Ordinarily I'd say her house, her rules but if someone is getting them for her then they are enabling her to smoke. It's just I was told off by some counsellors at my dad's clinic for getting him the booze when he was an alcoholic. He'd throw a dicky fit if he didn't get his lager (they said I should have simply walked away but I was scared about what might happen if I left him to his own addict devices...he was nuts on alcohol!). They said I was an "enabler". It is a different scenario however to smoking as smokers are only destroying themselves generally and don't impact anyone else or drag them into a crazy world with no rules LOL! However, if someone is getting her the cigarettes maybe they could buy less or just say "they're making you that can't even buy them yourself, therefore you shuldn't be having them in the first place!....oh well it's hard watching someone harm themselves, trust me I know. Alcohol is faster than smoking but both end up at the same place. Hope something clicks in her head and that she'll quit, but like others have also yourself, she'll only quit if she really wants to. But maybe cutting her off from her supply might actually show her that quitting is possible. I don;t really know but thinking of you. All the best Mash.

    Lisa x

  • P.S. There's always hope for your mum, my dad has had more lives than all the sodding cats on this website LOL! and he's still around (just!!!) and is sober. Hope it works out. x

  • Hi Mash,

    This is your quit and not your mum's even though it's really difficult for you, as Billy said, you have had a lifetime of smoking so what is second hand smoke by comparison.

    When you're at your mum's could you do the daughterly busying thing and open the windows esp now the weather is a bit warmer? When she sees you are serious about this maybe she will cut down gradually. See if she would accept an alternative to pass the time of day - something to keep her occupied or healthy snacks. Maybe sew the seeds of stopping smoking telling her how you are feeling better physically but the decision must be hers.

    Good luck with your own quit x

  • @ Lisa ,at the moment she can get up the stairs but the way things are going that cant last for much longer so she is able to buy her tobacco herself and my good xtian sis gets it when shes not well, i personally wouldnt get it.

    @ Suze im her son actually and i do the thing of opening the windows dropping hints, we all do that but she is still in that place of denial where smoking 'isnt that bad' it wont happen to me. Anyway im off to do a workshop on uncertainty. so we''ll see what we will see.thanks guys.


  • I am a little late to this thread. I did read it earlier but just agreed with whatever one else said.

    Now the tables have turned on me. quit Jan. 1, 2012. My boyfriend has been pretty good about not smoking to much in front of me. But now my son has moved in with us (smokes) and I have 2 of them smoking. I just got out of the hospital 3 weeks ago (couldn't breath and was turning blue). Drs. said I had pnuemonia (sp) from the smoking. I have COPD from my years of smoking and I know that I did the damage to myself.

    Tonight I laid down some rules about smoking. During the day, smoke outside unless the weather is bad. During the night go ahead and smoke in the house (they do it any way) when the boyfriend and I are both in the computer room I open the window.

    I recently purchased a very good air purifier. I have birds and found that the bird feathers and dander cause me distress so the purifier helps with that.

    Honestly, I don't really smell the smoke in the house. I only notice it if I get very close to the boyfriend when he is smoking. They didn't put me where I am, I did. I ruined my health, no one else. I don't think anyone else should have to stop being themselves because of me. I would wish that they quit smoking ( for there health) but will never nag them about it....ppat

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